⎾ MOROSIS ⏌

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Coming back to the bedroom he tried not to let his thoughts plague him. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, he knew things would be hard. He just didn’t think it would be this hard to even have a conversation. Jakob didn’t know if Kieran was doing it on purpose or he truly had pissed him off somehow. All the same, he felt as though he needed to leave, as much as he didn’t want to. Glancing at the pile of clothes, Jakob tried to keep his face as blank as possible.

Standing beside the bed Jakob went about drying off. He didn’t care if Kieran watched or not. He dried himself thoroughly and soon set the towel aside. Next, he picked up his boxers and pushed his legs through one at a time. Jakob adjusted himself a bit then grabbed his shirt next. He was still unsure if Kieran would let him stay so he avoided the remaining garments. He didn’t think Kieran would throw him out into the hall half dressed. Then again, the man had done plenty of things he never expected him to do.

When Jakob finished dressing, he picked up the towel, and brought it to his head. He was stalling, hoping that Kieran might speak first. He couldn’t stand the silence, the distance between them. Whatever progress had been made it felt as though they had taken ten steps back. After a couple of minutes passed and the excess water had been squeezed from his hair, he tossed the towel in the direction of the bathroom. It landed with a heavy, wet plop just outside the door. He didn’t care, he would get it later.

Turning his attention to Kieran, he moved a little closer to him. He wasn’t exactly invading his space, but he was close enough that if Kieran didn’t want him near him he could easily shove him away. Jakob hoped that wouldn’t be the case as he sat there beside him. ”Are you mad at me?” He asked softly. It seemed like a silly question given their situation and prior subject matter. But he had to know, it was the only way he could keep himself from overthinking and making things worse.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


Kirean was cruel but not enough to ******** Miguel then throw him from his hotel room. He couldn't help but stare as Miguel came toward the bed and got dressed. Kirean watched his hesitation as if something was on his mind. He too thought to ask but didn't think he'd get an answer either.

It wasn't long before Miguel was dressed. Kirean waited patiently, not sure what was going to happen next. He watched as Miguel soon dried his hair then threw his towel in the vicinity of the bathroom door. Kirean remained where he was unmoving as Miguel soon came closer. He was surprised slightly by the question as it rang from his own thoughts.

Kirean wanted to reach out toward him but kept his hands to himself. ”No…Are you mad at me?” He asked in return, needing to know as well. Kirean wasn't mad; he was running through a list of fears in his head.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Standing there Jakob could feel Kieran’s eyes on him as he got dressed. Whether his staring was good or bad he couldn’t say. As much as he wanted the man to say something, he remained silent in his observation. Jakob continued to take his time, even going so far as to towel dry his hair. When he was done he moved to take a seat down beside Kieran. Close enough to touch but far enough that he wasn’t crowding him.

The silence stretched between them felt like an eternity. Barely a minute had passed before Jakob spoke up. As the words left his mouth he too thought of reaching out. He wanted to touch him, even if it was just to hold his hand. Beside him, Kieran soon spoke. He felt relieved by the short answer, but it was almost completely wiped when the question was turned back to him. Did he look mad. When Jakob saw his own reflection earlier he thought he looked more sad than anything.

Staring down at the sheets Jakob shook his head.”I’m scared.” he admitted. ”It feels like you don’t want me here.” He quickly glanced over at Kieran. After saying it out loud he waited, worried that his fears might ring true. A similar list was running through his own head and where he might go if he was forced to leave. He didn’t exactly want to go home, he couldn’t go to work, and he doubted Abel would want anything to do with him. Not after the way he left. That in itself was a whole other issue he had to deal with, one he was also not ready for.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


Seeing Miguel sit next to him but not close worried him. He couldn't help but question Miguel in return. Kirean wasn't mad at Miguel, far from it. Though he worried he'd done something to upset him. He watched as Miguel stared down at the bed and shook his head. Kirean heard Miguel speak as he expressed his own thoughts.

He moved as he reached out toward Miguel as he took his hand. Kirean was scared too for the same reason among others. ”I want you here…” He replied softly as he looked down. Kirean was horrible with words and it hadn't gotten better over time. He didn't know why but he hated the sound of his voice. Kirean was used to silence but knew it wasn't normal.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob couldn't help the thoughts that swirled around in his mind. Between the fighting, and the flirting, and the ********, then to what felt like ignoring, he wasn't sure which version of Kieran he was dealing with. Maybe he was just tired or overwhelmed from everything that had gone on in the last twelve hours. He wasn't sure. Sitting beside Kieran, he heard him repeat the question back to him. Jakob shook his head then answered him honestly. Waiting for his answer, he soon felt his hand being taken into Kieran's own. Jakob allowed this as he listened to the softness of his voice.

He felt comforted by his words but was still hesitant about moving closer to him. "I believe you." he replied. "It's just hard to stop my head from overreacting to every little thing." Kieran had never been much of a conversationalist, even when they were together. He couldn't expect so much to change in just two years. Although some part of him wished that it was easier to converse with him. There were times where he seemed just so intimidating that he didn't know what to say in fear of sounding stupid. Jakob understood that opting for silence would not help them if they chose to be together again, but conversation a could only go so far if one of them was not willing to participate.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


It was hard not to overthink as well. He knew he was screwing everything up right now. Kirean reached out toward Miguel, wanting him to move closer. He wasn't so sure if Miguel would let him. Kirean listened as Miguel soon spoke, reflecting his own thoughts. ”You don't think I know that…” He responded as he moved to lace their fingers together. Kirean sighed to himself.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

He didn’t know how to stop the constant thoughts. His heart and his head had been at war for quite some time now. No matter what he said or did, he felt like he was stepping on the others’ toes. As the man reached for his hand he allowed him to take it. He then continued to express his doubts and fears. He was surprised to hear that Kieran felt similarly, but was also somewhat relieved. In an odd way it was nice to hear him admit to being just as scared. Jakob then felt movement as their fingers intertwined. Hearing him sigh,Jakob then scooted closer and leaned against his shoulder. ”No,I don’t, and that’s the problem. I don’t know what you think half the time.” he replied. Glancing up at him, he hoped that Kieran wouldn’t take offense as he was just trying to be honest.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


Taking Miguel's hand, he was surprised he hadn't pulled away. Kirean half expected it. He wasn't trying to be hurtful but knew he probably was. After two years, things had changed. Kirean wasn't exactly the same person and neither was Miguel. He didn't know how to express himself as he hadn't been good at it to begin with. Kirean was used to closing himself off. He hadn't dated before Miguel, he'd been with people but never long enough to care about them. Only a few people he cared for, which could be counted on one hand.

Speaking, he felt Miguel move as he was soon leaning against him. Kirean listened as Miguel spoke though he was hardly offended. If anything, it amused him. ”As if I know what you're thinking, you're hardly an open book yourself.” He responded teasing slightly though it was serious. Kirean had kept his distance as Miguel left to shower. He probably wouldn't have stopped Miguel if he had left though he might have.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

The thought of pulling away his hand hadn't even crossed his mind. He was glad that Kieran had reached out first as he had been too afraid to do so himself. Jakob knew that most of the time the man wasn't trying to hurt him. Nor did he mean to close himself off, and that he had his issues. Still, Jakob couldn't help the way he felt either; when it seemed like Kieran was ignoring him, or worse, making fun of him for something as simple as being curious. They weren't the same people anymore, but Jakob wanted desperately to believe not that much had changed between them. On their walk over he felt as though he were speaking to the old Kieran, the one that lived inside his memories. Jakob liked to believe he was still there, just hidden away behind the incredibly high walls he'd built around himself.

Daring to scoot closer, he leaned against the male. Jakob spoke honestly, and glanced his way to ensure he had not cause offense. Beside him, Kieran seemed to relax a little as he teased him. He smiled softly as he looked down at their entwined hands. "Still more open than you." he teased back, with a playful nudge to his elbow. Of the two of them Jakob thought he had been pretty forthcoming. In the past he had told Kieran where he was from, how he grew up, the languages that he spoke, even the reason behind his fake name. Sure they had never gotten around to things like favorite movies or muppets, but it wasn't too late. They could still learn those little personal details if Kieran wanted to.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


The conversation on the walk to the hotel was more playful and relaxed. However now it was more serious as things had shifted between them once they got back to the hotel. He was hardly offended as Miguel leaned against him. Kirean held onto Miguel's hand. He teased Miguel, though wasn't surprised by his response. Sure he knew the simple things but wanted to know more.

He knew that he had terrible communication skills. Kirean wasn't offended by Miguel's words. ”Perhaps.” He responded even though Miguel's words were teasing, there was no denying them.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Since coming back to the hotel he didn't know how to make their conversation fun again. With his little confession followed by another breakdown, everything had been so serious. Now as they sat there he felt a bit more at ease as Kieran teased him. Especially after how miserably he was failing at conversing with him before his shower. As the male spoke, Jakob teased him back with a playful nudge. Behind his words, he too wanted to know more about Kieran. He didn't need to tell him all at once, but just a few things would be nice.

When Kieran spoke again, he nodded. "So what do I have to do to get you to open up more?" he asked. "Would it be easier if we ordered some drinks and made it a game?" Jakob was only half-joking as he questioned him. He wasn't entirely sure if getting drunk would be any kind of a solution to their problem. Then again, sober questioning wasn't working out for them either. He had to wonder just open Kieran would be if he got him drunk enough.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


Kirean too didn't know how to turn the conversation more flirty as it had been previously. He had allowed himself to be illusioned until reality set back in once they got to the hotel. Kirean wasn't mad at Miguel, more along the lines with himself. He couldn't make promises to Miguel after all he was likely to break them. Talking about himself, he hardly thought it was important. Though knew if he expected Miguel to talk to him, he had to give back.

Hearing Miguel speak again, the thought amused him. Kirean wasn't big on drinking before and still wasn't even now. ”Depends on what kind of questions you'd be asking.” He responded not knowing either if it would be easier.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob hadn't meant to become so serious once they got back. However, it wasn't until it was brought to his attention just how bad of a job he was doing at hiding his emotions after being kissed. Even now, if Kieran asked him, he wasn't entirely sure he could put an accurate description to how he had been feeling in that moment. Despite the seriousness of the conversation that had followed, he knew it was better to have it all out in the open than bottling his feelings up. Jakob wanted to keep talking and learning, but he wasn't sure the best way of going about it. Asking Kieran outright hadn't been entirely in his favor, so he suggested bringing alcohol into the mix.

Like Kieran, he wasn't the biggest drinker. Jakob could handle a few drinks before getting too drunk. He wasn't looking to get plastered and become a problem for Kieran. Or even Abel for that matter. He was sure that neither man would want to deal with him if he got himself drunk. After making the suggestion he then heard Kieran speak again. Jakob nodded again. "It doesn't have to anything heavy. We can start off easy, like a favorite book, where you were born, or any hobbies you want to try." he replied. Looking up again, he was curious if any of his suggestions would interest Kieran. Sure they were a bit bland, but it could be a start. Maybe they might find something they have in common.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ NUMQUAM TIMEBUNT UMBRAE❜


Indeed things changed after the kiss. He had seen the shift and had allowed himself to go along with it. Kirean preferred to bottle things in. His feelings and emotions had constantly been his own especially as a child. Expressing himself had been beaten out of him. The idea of bringing alcohol into the mix would probably make things worse.

Kirean wasn't in the mood to deal with a drunk Miguel. If anything he imagined things would get uncomfortable between them. He didn't know exactly where he was staying other than a building. Kirean would have no intention of dragging him back home.

Common questions were easy. Kirean didn't mind playing twenty questions but he couldn't promise to answer them. He found the questions amusing. ”Favorite book, I don't think I really have one…I haven't done much reading lately…As for where I was born, my mother gave birth to me in San Juan in Puerto Rico then moved to St. Louis when I was two…. And for hobbies, I hardly have one now. “ Kirean responded, finding the questions reasonable. ”And what about you; I've heard you talk about your mother and father a little but what about siblings, are you content in Germany or would you prefer to travel somewhere else, and what about guilty pleasures, do you have any?” He asked, figuring questions had to work both ways.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob doubted he would be any fun to take care of if he got drunk. He'd been told by others that he could be an annoying brat with the worst attitude when he drank. Being around someone like Abel or Kieran in such a state, he was sure those traits would only get him into trouble. And not in the fun way like he was used to. Still, he couldn't help being curious to know what sort of effects alcohol might have on Kieran. He'd been around him when he was drinking before, but he'd never seen him completely drunk. Perhaps he would feel more comfortable to speak to him then. Jakob understood to a point why Kieran was so guarded, he wasn't looking to revisit that particular conversation. He just wanted him to be open enough to get a better sense of him as a person.

As the man spoke again, he in turn offered a few starting points from the top of his head. When Kieran responded, Jakob listened. He wasn't surprised that Kieran hadn't the time for reading or hobbies, he hadn't done much of either of those things himself since returning home. However, he did find it interesting that he was born so far south and grew up in St. Louis. He had been under the assumption that he was more local to the Chicago metro area like Abel. It was unsurprising that Kieran would soon have questions of his own and he was more than happy to answer them.

"I am still an only child. My mom didn't really try finding anyone after the divorce. She always told me, she was too busy with me and her work at the Stadtmuseum. And my dad has been with his current girlfriend for several years now. From what he told me, her children are from a previous relationship. So as far as I'm aware, I don't think I have any other siblings." he started. Before answering the next part of Kieran's question he thought a moment. He worried that how he answered might hurt his feelings, but he also knew that lying to him would not help either.

"I wouldn't say I'm completely content in Germany. It's home, I'm familiar with it, but I don't know if I want to be here until my dying days...at least in Düsseldorf. Though I have been able to do some traveling since coming home. Last fall I took the train up to Luxembourg and then over to the Amsterdam. I spent a few days in each city, just walking around and exploring. It was nice. I don't know if I'll be traveling anywhere west of Ireland anytime soon. It'll probably take me a few years to save up for it, but I'd like to go back. To the states, or Brazil, or both." he continued. "For my guilty pleasure, don't laugh, but I've been watching a lot of those DIY channels on YouTube. Mostly painting, crochet, sculpting, and the like. I don't know, it's just interesting to watch someone making something from nothing."

When he was done speaking, he looked up towards Kieran again. Curious if he might have any feedback on his answers. Not only that, he thought of a couple of other questions that he might answer. "Alright, adopted family aside, do you have any other family? Have you ever wanted to go back to Puerto Rico, or travel anywhere else for that matter? And last, when did you learn Portuguese?" he asked, again keeping his questions fairly simple.