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[ - Enter Sokea’s Room - ]
Releasing a heavy sigh, Gin stepped into Sokea’s new dorm room. He was glad that Sokea had been assigned a different room – he didn’t think he could handle going back to their old dorm room. There were just too many memories there…Moving to the window box, Gin took a seat, getting settled so that he and Sokea could talk. Gin told himself he sat in the window box because he didn’t want to sit on Sokea’s or his roommates’ bed, but he knew deep down that he chose the window seat so that if he really needed to, he could make a hasty exit…
Sokea eyes were in their blind state as they traveled to his dorm. He knew the way, he was accustomed to the majority of the school. Sokea went to sit on his bed, legs crossed. He connected to Gin's link to use his eyes again. He hoped that their conversation could go... smoothly. However, deep down Sokea knew that was not going to happen. Looking over at Gin, he noticed he took the window box. A ‘seriously?’ expression was apparent on his face in response to Gin's choice to sit. He wasn't going to argue it further though, that would be petty. Sokea didn't know where to begin. He knew he hurt him, and he didn't know the proper words to explain how horrible he feels for doing so. "So... I know 'sorry' or 'Hey I'm back!' won't really... cut it. But before we begin, please know that I am truly, truly, sorry and feel like s**t for what I did." Sokea looked in his direction, giving him full eye contact. There was a bit of water in Sokea's eyes, he could not express how much he's missed him and how sorry he feels.
‘This is just like Sokea…’ Gin thought with a heavy sigh as Sokea spoke. Shaking his head a little, he frowned deeply before looking him in the eyes. “I just want to know one thing, Sokea. Why did you leave?” There was much more to it than that of course, he also wanted to know why his boyfriend had left a note instead of taking the time to break-up with him face to face, but that wasn’t as important as knowing why Sokea had left in the first place.
Sokea opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Even now, he didn't want to tell him. Sokea is terrified of what his family is capable of and did not want Gin to know anything about it. "It was... a family matter. I... They... They're... it's just..." Tears started to build in his eyes. He has never told another soul about what he's gone through. Ever. Gin knew he didn't like talking about himself, even as something as blatant about the scar on his back.
Sokea's breath started to shake, given this context, he might've just convinced him that his family is dead. That would be much easier, to lie and tell him that they died. He couldn't though, Sokea can't lie to him again. Looking at the ground, Sokea began to speak again. "I... received a letter from my grandparents. They told me they had a lead on where my sister might be. Thus, began my quest to save her from becoming a psychopath." Sokea was cryptic to avoid talking about it further, though he knew he'll be telling him quite the reason why soon enough.
Gin frowned a bit. He hadnt expected this to be a family matter…but it made sense, sorta. Turning to face Sokea, Gin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he watched Sokea. He could see the tears forming in his eyes and the way he looked like he wanted to curl in on himself. This was clearly an emotional topic for him, but at this point, Gin didn’t care. He wanted to know why Sokea had broke his heart…
Listening, he narrowed his gaze at the mention of his grandparents and…a sister? Sokea had always been tight-lipped about his family. He’d had no idea Sokea had had any siblings… But his explanation was still very confusing. “Psychopath? What are you talking about?” He asked, shaking his head a little, clearly needing more than just the simple explanation.
Sokea inhaled deeply, to control himself from bursting in tears. He wanted this conversation to end, badly. Sokea wondered why it couldn't just end here. He knew why, he just desperately wanted a reason for everything to work out just fine without him talking about himself. "I'm… talking about just that. My family... I just... if I told you before..." Sokea started to jumble his thoughts and words. His breath shook as he exhaled deeply, trying to gather his words. "It was better than the alternative. You... you knowing anything about me... my family... I had reasons. I hated what I did, but it was the only choice I could make." Sokea continued to dance around the real reason why. He couldn't bring himself to tell him. He wanted this to end. He just wanted Gin to understand that he could not have told him why and won't. But that's an unreasonable and irrational desire, and Sokea knew that.
Sokea wasn’t making any sense. What the heck was he talking about? “What you did?” Like Sokea, Gin was emotional, he was just better at hiding it, well for the most part. But this conversation was going nowhere. Sokea wasn’t making any sense, he wasn’t answering the question. Releasing a heavy sigh, Gin ran his fingers through his hair, his ears fwipped back against his head in irritation.
“Look Sokea, if you don’t want to tell me, then fine, don’t. But don’t expect me to understand your reasoning for leaving me here and breaking my heart when youre not willing to explain it.” He said as he arose from the window seat. “Keep your secret…” Moving toward the door, he passed by the bed only to hesitate. “If you change your mind and you decide you want to really talk to me, then you know where to find me…”
Sokea's reflexes jumped quicker than ever and grabbed and clenched onto Gin's arm as he passed by. Sokea's eyes looked desperately into his. Tears flowing down his face, hands shaking intensely, Sokea knew he had to tell him. Sokea's grip still tight on him, he began to speak again. "I do really want to talk to you, Gin. I’ve really wanted to talk to you ever since the second I left. Please.... sit back down..." Sokea's voice was shaky and desperate. There were so many things he should have said or done by now, but now is the only time he'll have to say them. Sokea let go of Gin, hoping that he would take a seat once more.
Gin looked down at Sokea’s hand and the way he gripped him. He then saw the look in his eyes and the expression on his face. He was desperate…Swallowing hard, Gin merely nodded a little, his eyes still tipped back and his tail dropping. He didn’t like this. He’d never liking seeing Sokea upset and despite what had happened between them, that hadnt changed. So, when Sokea asked him to sit back down, he was helpless to deny the request.
Moving back to the window box, he resumed his previous position, leaning his elbows on his knees, his gaze locked onto Sokea. He knew that this was hard for Sokea, to talk about whatever had caused him to leave…so Gin remained silent, suspecting that if he did speak, Sokea might lose his nerve…
Wiping the tears from his eyes, Sokea took back control of his breathing. His hands were still shaking, he shifted in his bed, his whole body facing Gin now. The albino boy took another deep breath, then exhaled. His hands trembling in his lap. "My family is part of a highly active cult that worships death." These words left his mouth quickly. The first time these words ever left his lips.
His expression was blank now, an aura of melancholy surrounded him. He didn't know what else to say now, other than to wait for a response, if Gin had a response. Sokea decided to speak a little more in hopes of clearing of what he just said. "That's... why I didn't tell you." He shifted once more in his bed, his hands still trembling a little.
To say that Gin was surprised was an understatement. A cult that worshiped death? Yeah, that wasn’t something that you heard every day. But, on a different note, Gin could relate to having a crazy family. Sokea’s family might worship death, meanwhile his family worships strength and power…Frowning a bit, he nodded. “Well…I can see why you didn’t want to talk about it…your family, I mean…”
Sighing, Gin arose from the window box again, only this time, he came over to sit next to Sokea. “I…don’t really know what to say…but I can relate, at least a little. My old clan? They worship power and strength. When my sister Rin was born, she was a runt and if I hadnt stepped in, they would have let her die.” He said with a low growl, hating that memory.
As Gin sat next to him, he just wanted to hug him and cry into him. He was aware of how horrible Gin's clan was. Reading his journal when they first met was only a taste of how terrible they were. Sokea subconsciously shifted his body a bit closer to Gin, looking up at him as he did so. "You were able to step in and save her? I'm glad." Sokea remembered the girl that was with him during the opening ceremony, that must be Rin. Gin saying he could ‘relate’ was good-intentioned, but Sokea could only shake his head at that. "I thought I was living a normal life. I didn't know the way I was being taught how to fight was designed to kill people. I didn't know that every day my parents would go out and.... murder people in their leader's name. I didn't know that the boy I loved was plotting to kill me till he quite literally stabbed me in the back. My grandparents came in with a couple court mages that day in attempts to dismantle the cult, saving me in the process. However, the majority of the cult fled, taking my sister with them. It's been years since that day, I haven't seen her since…" Sokea paused for a moment. His tone was mainly flat as he described his life. He looked away from Gin for a moment, then looked back.
"Gin... I lied to you. I broke your trust and heart and that in itself was wrong. But I hate to admit this, but if I were to go back and do it again, the only thing I would've changed was maybe write a better note. The truth could've wrought this series of events. 1: I cry a lot. 2: You come with me. 3: We actually find my sister and the cult. 4: You die. OR, get this, I don't tell you, I leave on my own, and you're still alive. I chose the path that guaranteed your safety from my batshit crazy of a cult family. And that is not a joke. Was it the right path? No. It wasn't. And I'm sorry, I wanted to die for what I did to you. I thought about you every day, and hopefully I could come back with my little sister. My sister who I've been scared for every day. My sister who I love dearly, just as you love yours. But guess what? I can't protect her, I don't know where she is, and it makes me want to cry and scream every waking moment. Who knows, what if I came back with her? I could explain it to you so much easier, it would make all the more sense. But no, she's still out there, scared and possibly dead; and your heart is broken, and it's my fault. I hate myself for what I did, but don't think for one damn second that you can brush off my broken heart too. I love you Gin, I love you so ******** much. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you died because of me." Sokea's emotions built up as he continued his explanation. Tears now running down his cheeks ever so swiftly and violently. He wasn't angry directly at Gin as his tone suggested, he was more so angry that this series of events happened. He was angry at his family, angry that his sister isn't here with them.
Sniffling, he finished his thoughts. "I'm sorry... You didn't do anything wrong. I just want my sister back... I sacrificed the trust of the only person I depended on, trusted, loved, in hopes that I could save her. But it led to nowhere, then this. The lead we had only lead to a certain member of the cult, and they killed themselves to protect the cult's whereabouts." His heart felt heavier than ever. Ever since he abandoned Gin and the academy, it has been one tragedy after another. He just hoped that the wounds could now be stitched up. Sokea looked into Gin's eyes once more, wanting to just cuddle into him and forget how much he hates the world.
Gin was speechless. This was all so heavy and so eye opening. He knew that there were some messed up people in the world, but this was a lot to take in. Despite their history and despite the pain, Gin still felt the urge to comfort Sokea. It wasn’t that he necessarily wanted to jump back into a relationship, but he still cared about the guy and he didn’t want Sokea to suffer alone. To know that Sokea had left not only to save his sister but to protect him…it meant a lot.
Without saying anything, he turned and pulled Sokea into a hug. With his arms wrapped around Sokea’s smaller frame, he moved his tail to wrap around his waist as well, offering some comfort. He wanted to promise that they’d find his sister and bring her back, but he couldn’t. All he could do was offer some comfort and at least reassure Sokea that he didn’t hate him.
Tears began to swell up in his eyes once more as he felt Gin pull him in. It's been so long, too long, since he felt the comfort of being held by the person he loved. Sokea's arms wrapped around Gin, the pale boy's face resting on shifter's chest, and began to sob. He couldn't control his tears anymore. All he could do is cry. Streams of sorrow, shame, and regret flowed from his eyes. They began to tire and faded back into their blind state. He wanted time to stop here, in this moment. He wanted this moment, being in his arms, to last for an eternity. He wanted all of this pain and hurt to go away, he wished that they could go back to before this all happened, when they were happy. "I'm so sorry Gin... I'm so... so sorry..." Sokea muttered in-between sobbing. He loved Gin deeply, and wanted nothing more than to be with him, especially in this moment. His hands clung to the back of Gin's hood, trembling. He didn't want to let go.
Gin remained silent as Sokea let himself cry. He didn’t mind when he clung to him or the fact that Sokea’s tears soaked his shirt. None of that mattered to Gin. Holding Sokea close, he took the time to really think about how he was feeling and all that he had learned. Yes, he had been hurt, deeply, by Sokea’s actions, but he understood them now…He knew why Sokea had done it and in all actuality, it was so like Sokea to put Gin’s safety over his own, even if he didn’t like it.
When Sokea apologized again, he knew that he needed to acknowledge it. “I forgive you, Sokea…” He whispered, truly meaning it. He certainly wouldn’t forget the pain and the heartache – he was still healing after all – but he would forgive Sokea for what had happened. “Hold on to me for as long as you need…” He knew that having someone just hold you while you cried meant the world…and even though he couldn’t offer Sokea more, at least not yet, the least he could do was hold him until he felt better…
Sokea's crying began to slow down after some time. Gin's words were everything. Sokea adored how sweetly he spoke. Still clinging on to him, Sokea laughed softly in response. "Like a tick, I shall remain attached to you until yanked off." Who knew expressing genuine emotion could help the soul, at least a little. If anything, he was glad that it turned out like this rather than anything else.
Gin smirked a little, glad to see that Sokea was feeling at least well enough to joke around. Gin was true to his word and held Sokea until he’d tired himself out enough to fall sleep. Not wanting to disturb him, Gin laid Sokea in his bad and tucked him in before departing. Just in case Sokea awoke confused, he left a note behind.
Note:
Sokea,
I’m glad we talked…I think we both have a lot to think about, but I meant what I said – I forgive you. I hope we can continue to talk about this, but maybe after you’ve recovered a little. Don’t push yourself too hard.
See you later,
Gin
[ - End Interaction for RP Day - ]
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Gin Kuroko Acckerman || Sokea Heikkinen
Trashpuppy
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