DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

[Teeheebonbon]

Hello I'm new to the guild and I wanted to say hi and I like this thread. I think it's cool that people have a place to vent and let out frustration. That being said I'm too afraid to talk about certain things. but maybe after getting to know more people on Gaia that are my age I'll be able to relate and open up more. I'm just a really personal person and have a hard time letting people know how I really feel. blah sorry so random. this is me trying to be open. haha. sweatdrop  

[clgutta1977]

I have the same problem, but you know.....sometimes its easier to open up to a stranger, less chance of harsh criticism from those that really know you. I don't have a lot of girl friends, my world consists of my husband and 2 children. I wish I had more people to talk to....  

[Teeheebonbon]

Yeah I don't have a lot of friends either. I have a few close friends though I don't get to see them as much because I have to take care of my son. He's going to be a year old on the 28th this month. n.n I don't regret it though because he's adorable. But I think you might be right about it being easier to open up to people that you don't know. It's just that I don't want to say something and make people to feel bad for me. Because I don't regret anything I've done, it's just that my friends and family don't know about most of the stuff I've gone through because it's so hard for me to tell people things that bother me. I don't know lol Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I tend to ramble when I try to say what's on my mind.  

[killafrog]

Teeheebonbon

Hello I'm new to the guild and I wanted to say hi and I like this thread. I think it's cool that people have a place to vent and let out frustration. That being said I'm too afraid to talk about certain things. but maybe after getting to know more people on Gaia that are my age I'll be able to relate and open up more.
I don't get to see them as much because I have to take care of my son. He's going to be a year old on the 28th this month. n.n I don't regret it though because he's adorable. But I think you might be right about it being easier to open up to people that you don't know. It's just that I don't want to say something and make people to feel bad for me. Because I don't regret anything I've done.

thx for liking the thread good to hear people liking it
well maybe as a starter topic tell us about the son u have?  

[Teeheebonbon]

Well, I'm not sure what kind of things to say. His name is Gabriel and he's going to be a year old on Sunday. He has medium brown hair and dark brown eyes. Super adorable if I may say so myself lol. He's very very active and he recently discovered his screaming voice and uses it as often as he can lol.  

[killafrog]

Teeheebonbon

Well, I'm not sure what kind of things to say. His name is Gabriel and he's going to be a year old on Sunday. He has medium brown hair and dark brown eyes. Super adorable if I may say so myself lol. He's very very active and he recently discovered his screaming voice and uses it as often as he can lol.

whats the funniest moment he has done everybody has something they did that was silly as a kid  

[Patron with a Mission]

-begin vent-

I am a college student with a lot of problems. Any advice is welcome.

1.) I moved out from an abusive home. Now they are calling and asking forgiveness, but I don't trust them. Now I live in paranoia from emotional scarring and memories returning. I'm staying with a friend for the holidays, and...to see him with his family, and that they help him, while no one helps me, it's heartbreaking.

2.) I got a staph infection, and now owe over 13k in medical bills. I'm alone, and the collection agency has come after me. I never received the notice because the address is with my abusive parents. I don't dare go back for it, but doesn't a collection agency take you to court if you don't answer?

3.) I have always tried to be on time for class, to care about my tutoring job, but I'm losing patience and don't have too many options for employment.

4.) My closest friends [who are male] say I need more of a feminine influence, and are, in a sense, pushing me away from them. But I have always been shy around other girls, because of the tremendous abuse and teasing I got while in elementary throughout even high school. I'm not plain, but I'm not a supermodel either. I don't really know anything about dressing up and make up and such. And...it hurts. Why does image matter so much to people?

-end vent-

PM or reply with advice. Thanks in advance.  

[killafrog]

Dameon_Patron_of_Healing

-begin vent-

I am a college student with a lot of problems. Any advice is welcome.

1.) I moved out from an abusive home. Now they are calling and asking forgiveness, but I don't trust them. Now I live in paranoia from emotional scarring and memories returning. I'm staying with a friend for the holidays, and...to see him with his family, and that they help him, while no one helps me, it's heartbreaking.

id say people should get a 2nd chance just don't be there punching bag.
id talk about what they did was terrible and/or maybe see a phyciatric have them pay for it if they really want to get your forgivness. make it a family therapy if u can take it or one at a time tell u can. it helps to maybe have outside person have some input to help so u can cope with it and possibly trust family. but at least to hoply cope with it enough. you need good memorys not bad ones.


2.) I got a staph infection, and now owe over 13k in medical bills. I'm alone, and the collection agency has come after me. I never received the notice because the address is with my abusive parents. I don't dare go back for it, but doesn't a collection agency take you to court if you don't answer?

well could you go to the place u went to and asked them about the where u do the bill or get the number so you can change the billing address?


3.) I have always tried to be on time for class, to care about my tutoring job, but I'm losing patience and don't have too many options for employment.

well keep up with classes dont give up.

4.) My closest friends [who are male] say I need more of a feminine influence, and are, in a sense, pushing me away from them. But I have always been shy around other girls, because of the tremendous abuse and teasing I got while in elementary throughout even high school. I'm not plain, but I'm not a supermodel either. I don't really know anything about dressing up and make up and such. And...it hurts. Why does image matter so much to people?

i dont know why image does but it dont matter to me.
well it does help to get a couple female influence, plus it helps with the shy part of you.

i dont know if this helps but i hope it does tho.

 

[Patron with a Mission]

Thanks for the advice. I'll see if I can do any of those things, though it will not be easy to get therapy. I've been in counsleing for some time, but I don't dare even pick up the phone when my stepmom calls. [She's the one who abused me the most]

As for the rest, it truly does help to have older and wiser heads helping me. Thank you, and for the rest of you who read this and can input advice.  

[killafrog]

Dameon_Patron_of_Healing

Thanks for the advice. I'll see if I can do any of those things, though it will not be easy to get therapy. I've been in counsleing for some time, but I don't dare even pick up the phone when my stepmom calls. [She's the one who abused me the most]

As for the rest, it truly does help to have older and wiser heads helping me. Thank you, and for the rest of you who read this and can input advice.

stepmom's i find to be finiky i dont know if u should like them cause dad does, just deal with it or tell dad what you feel about the stepmom.
on getting a family therapy sometimes you can get your counsler to do the call for you if your not up to it, It gets it out there in the open then also.
if you called them at least you man up to them and tell them your thinking of having therapy with them as a family, it shows your willing to take it by the horn, but it can also back fire and make you feel worse.  

[Lady_Niqui]

Stepmoms definitely are tricky... I've had 2. One who hated my freaking guts just because of my very strong resemblance to my mother and the one I have now who is nice. I'm sorry I dont really have any advice for you but I'm wishing you luck. Family is very important. And sometimes, family is all you have so maybe giving them another chance is a good idea but don't let them or anyone else take the joy out of your life.  

[Patron with a Mission]

Lady_Niqui

Stepmoms definitely are tricky... I've had 2. One who hated my freaking guts just because of my very strong resemblance to my mother and the one I have now who is nice. I'm sorry I dont really have any advice for you but I'm wishing you luck. Family is very important. And sometimes, family is all you have so maybe giving them another chance is a good idea but don't let them or anyone else take the joy out of your life.

She does show signs of being nicer, but...something inside me doesn't trust her or anyone from my family. If I could find out why, maybe I could. But for now..I'm just pushing the thought of family aside so I don't go nuts. I still need to pass school, go get my masters, go get certified, get a job, go for my doctorates, then get a better job, and maybe then I'll be able to come to peace...but until I have a future that I can fall back on...I don't think I'm ready.

However, is it right to put school above them?  

[killafrog]

Dameon_Patron_of_Healing

Lady_Niqui

Stepmoms definitely are tricky... I've had 2. One who hated my freaking guts just because of my very strong resemblance to my mother and the one I have now who is nice. I'm sorry I dont really have any advice for you but I'm wishing you luck. Family is very important. And sometimes, family is all you have so maybe giving them another chance is a good idea but don't let them or anyone else take the joy out of your life.

She does show signs of being nicer, but...something inside me doesn't trust her or anyone from my family. If I could find out why, maybe I could. But for now..I'm just pushing the thought of family aside so I don't go nuts. I still need to pass school, go get my masters, go get certified, get a job, go for my doctorates, then get a better job, and maybe then I'll be able to come to peace...but until I have a future that I can fall back on...I don't think I'm ready.

However, is it right to put school above them?

way the money is hard to come by id at least get ur classes done. make sure at least pass dont need to fail so it does have some priority. well it depends on what u put school above them also?  

[Patron with a Mission]

killafrog

Dameon_Patron_of_Healing

Lady_Niqui

Stepmoms definitely are tricky... I've had 2. One who hated my freaking guts just because of my very strong resemblance to my mother and the one I have now who is nice. I'm sorry I dont really have any advice for you but I'm wishing you luck. Family is very important. And sometimes, family is all you have so maybe giving them another chance is a good idea but don't let them or anyone else take the joy out of your life.

She does show signs of being nicer, but...something inside me doesn't trust her or anyone from my family. If I could find out why, maybe I could. But for now..I'm just pushing the thought of family aside so I don't go nuts. I still need to pass school, go get my masters, go get certified, get a job, go for my doctorates, then get a better job, and maybe then I'll be able to come to peace...but until I have a future that I can fall back on...I don't think I'm ready.

However, is it right to put school above them?

way the money is hard to come by id at least get ur classes done. make sure at least pass dont need to fail so it does have some priority. well it depends on what u put school above them also?

I guess because of all the abuse, I did put school above family. Was about the only place where I was safe at all, to be honest. That's about it right now, though I am feeling a bit lonely, having been dumped by two boyfriends. I think I just need to deal with one thing at a time. Right?  

[lunaci]

Dameon_Patron_of_Healing

-begin vent-

I am a college student with a lot of problems. Any advice is welcome.

1.) I moved out from an abusive home. Now they are calling and asking forgiveness, but I don't trust them. Now I live in paranoia from emotional scarring and memories returning. I'm staying with a friend for the holidays, and...to see him with his family, and that they help him, while no one helps me, it's heartbreaking.

2.) I got a staph infection, and now owe over 13k in medical bills. I'm alone, and the collection agency has come after me. I never received the notice because the address is with my abusive parents. I don't dare go back for it, but doesn't a collection agency take you to court if you don't answer?

3.) I have always tried to be on time for class, to care about my tutoring job, but I'm losing patience and don't have too many options for employment.

4.) My closest friends [who are male] say I need more of a feminine influence, and are, in a sense, pushing me away from them. But I have always been shy around other girls, because of the tremendous abuse and teasing I got while in elementary throughout even high school. I'm not plain, but I'm not a supermodel either. I don't really know anything about dressing up and make up and such. And...it hurts. Why does image matter so much to people?

-end vent-

PM or reply with advice. Thanks in advance.

I read about your situation. I can't suggest much about what to do with your family, I will suggest that you go with your intuition on your stepmother. She may seem nicer now, but it can be a phase in a cycle where abusers apologize for their wrong doing. A lot of the times, the abuser goes back to their old ways. Give it time and talk on the phone if you really want to speak to them. If you are not ready to see them and they are sincere about making amends, they will respect your decisions.

As for the Hospital bill, yes you can get sued from the hospital. However, they are only allowed to take a certain amount of money. I can not give much advice on what to do in this situation, but I will say:

1. Apply for medicaid. If you qualify, medicaid can help with future expenses and may help with prior expenses (up to a limit, but a medicaid representative should know).

2. Find out where to get free legal aid and ask questions concerning what to do with your medical debt.

As for your male friends, I know from experience what it's like to be told by a man I need more femininity (My first ex told me that). I could be wrong, I do not think that friends would push you away if you are lacking in any department. Rather, they would help in anyway they could.... if you ask them to. You determine how feminine you are. I rarely wear make-up (I'm just learning how to put on eye-shadow) and am considered a tomboy by most (if not all) of my family, I see myself as feminine to my liking.

It could be that your friends suggested you look for more feminine influences to boost your self esteem and self-confidence as a young woman. I may be wrong, but I may have a point if you have trouble looking into the mirror and sincerely saying to yourself that you are pretty. I can tell you that most magazines are propaganda to make women feel insecure about themselves, so don't really on them much. If there is anything I can suggest to help with the femininity issue, I would. However, it all depends on whether you are comfortable with who you are as a woman.... do you feel like you have enough feminine qualities?

Sorry if it seems like I'm babbling. Just one more piece of advice: Keep your head up! A tutoring job while attending college is better than what most people have. At least it will help fine tune your interpersonal skills.