The Guild's Incorrect Quotes

[MJ Spooks]

Clay: *struggling to open a pickle jar*

Clay: *hands it to Denise* Open it, it's impossible

Denise: *throws the pickle jar on the ground*

Pickle jar: *shatters*

Denise: Done *shrug emoji*

Clay: *in awe*

*cue makeouts*

source: this comic
characters involved: Clayton and Denise Walker  

[CatWaffle]

Kam: Oh, they are really getting it. I remember Hell Hunt. Still can't stand the sight of eggs. Won't eat 'em, won't touch 'em.
Iggy: What about a nice egg salad?
Kam: No more egg talk!
Iggy: Yes more egg talk!
Kam: Ahh!
Iggy: EGGS!


source : Bob's Burgers
characters involved : Kamron and Ignatius Hepburn  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Damien: I just need you to stay calm, okay?

Marina: Yeah, I'm just gonna stay angry. I find that relaxes me.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Damien Edgeworth, Marina Edgeworth  

[CatWaffle]

Will: Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?
Cian: Yes. The statement was that you're very lonely and you need a pet.


source : parks and rec
characters involved : William Bennett, Cian Quinlan  

[CatWaffle]

Ferdie: I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie.


source : parks and rec
characters involved : Ferdinand Delacroix  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Clarice: At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?

Chy: Murder?

Clarice (glares): An accident.

Chy: Oh, that's how I'm going to make it look.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Clarice Steele, Malachy Hughes  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Akira: I will not let a technicality stop me.

Callista (rolling eyes): A technicality like the rules?

Akira: Yeah. I hate those things.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Akira Yamazaki, Callista Hargrave  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Vio: Well, I for one think that you and Wendy are perfect for each other.

Vander: Feel like there's gonna be more.

Vio: Because you're both MONSTERS.

Vander: ...There it is.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Violante Lillantine, Evander Lillantine  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Niall: What's this?

Virgil: It's my to-do list.

Niall (enthusiastically): Oh? That's great. I'm so glad that you're starting to be more organiz-

Niall: This just says 'Dominique'.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Virgil Ross, Niall Hughes  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Desdemona: It would help if we could show up looking like a loving, supportive family.

Vander: For how long?

Desdemona: Ten minutes, tops.

Cy: See if you can get it down to five.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Desdemona Lillantine, Evander Lillantine, Cyrus Lillantine  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Eden: You tricked me.

Eleazar: I deceived you, Mom. You make it sound like we have a playful relationship.

source : arrested development
characters involved : Eden Bradley, Eleazar Bradley  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Illisa: What. Did you do?

Callista: Alright, but you can't get mad at me...

Illisa: What. Did you do?

Callista: Okay, first, I was minding my own business-

Illisa: (slams hand on table) BULLSHIT!

Callista: I WAS!

source : tumblr
characters involved : Illisa Hargrave, Callista Hargrave  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Treva, after becoming a mother: I didn't know it comes with a free leash.

Healer: Ma'am, that is the umbilical cord.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Treva Warlow  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Jess: Seriously, all you do is b***h.

Toby (indignant): I happen to b***h the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

source : tumblr
characters involved : Jessamine Xanders, Tobias Walsh  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Faina: Don't underestimate us.

Katya: Yeah, the Patrovna family motto is 'maybe we'll get lucky this time'!

source : Bob's Burgers
characters involved : Faina Patrovna, Katya Patrovna