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 Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:50 am
Ophelia spoke not a word as she layed with their arms wrappd around her. She just stared up at the ceiling, losing that forced cheer that she held before in the darkness. She almost looked as if she were about to cry again, but as minutes and hours passed she never did.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:14 am
When dawn broke they continued to lay there, heads resting against Ophelia's and their arms tangled around her. They'd stayed close to her, just like that, the entire night, trying to comfort her as much as they could even while asleep. And even after they awoke they continued to stay there until she felt ready to face life once more.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:21 am
Ophelia hadn't gotten any sleep at all the previous night, too preoccupied with the insistant thoughts and images that plagued her mind. By the time the sun had risen soft whimpers could barely be heard coming from the woman as she finally let herself weep. She hated being this weak. She hated feeling this vulnerable. She hated the still fresh memories of the pain she went through. Ophelia spoke not a word of it, not even after Kaistern and Balthazar woke up, but she didn't need to. The look on her face as she limply layed there said it all.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:26 am
"Ophelia..." Balthazar sat up, reaching to hold one of her hands as he looked sadly down at her. He'd never felt so useless before now. Kaistern really did all the work looking for some way to help Ophelia and now he didn't what he could possibly do to make things better.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:34 am
Ophelia clutched Balthazar's hand tightly, moving her head away so that she didn't have to meet his gaze as she wept. After a while she was able to stop herself, moving to sit up and to wipe her own tears away. "I'm sorry." were the very first words out of her mouth.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:57 am
"You have nothing to apologize for. This was our fault, and you're paying the price. You can cry or blame us as much as you need, but don't you dare apologize." Kaister said as he sat up as well, gently pulling her hands away from her face to look her in the eye.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:08 pm
"I'm not upset about my changing like this. I'm upset because it hurt so much and I...I'm so weak that I can't take it. It hurt more than anything I've ever experienced before. When it gets quiet or when I feel like I'm alone that whole scene plays again and again in my head without mercy." Ophelia bit her lip, looking away from Kaistern as well. "I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to deal with things like this without batting an eyelash. Otherwise I'm weak. Unforgiveably weak. If pain hurts me this much, then I'm worse than useless." An unsurprisingly warped way of thinking. Not that the procedure changed anything in that regard; even if she wasn't quite mad she was always unhinged and broken like this. She just hid it better than one might think.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:20 pm
"Stop talking like that!" Balthazar snapped. "You're not weak or useless because you can feel pain; everyone does! Your whole body got changed from the inside out, of course that s**t's going to feel like you've been dropped into hell itself! You shouldn't have had to go through with it at all, but you said it yourself you're alright with it while most people would probably be traumatized and regretting everything! If you can go right on with your life after that scene outta hell, that makes you stronger than most shmucks that would be scarred for life from it!"
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:32 pm
Instead of having its intended effect, Balthazar's words only made Ophelia start weeping again. He was right, of course, but that's not how she saw it. Ever since she was little she was raised as a puppet, raised as someone 'to do whatever necessary so that others did not have to'. If she felt pain, if she regretted her actions or felt fear as she did now, she felt useless. No matter how much either Kaistern or Balthazar said, that way of thinking wasn't going to just vanish into thin air, especially not since she'd been thinking that way all her life.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:42 pm
"Dammit!" Balthazar cursed in frustration and slammed his fist into the headboard behind him. "What do you even have to feel useless about?! You're the goddamn queen! You've got not one but two guys head over heels for you and head of the the Fighters' Guild! Whoever the ******** told you that you're weak for feeling pain is full of grade A bullshit and should be dropped on a bed of nails! We'll see who's weak then!" he just kept fuming and ranting as he got up and started to get dressed before running a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh. "I need some damn air..." he said before storming out of the room, practically slamming the door shut behind him.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:54 pm
Ophelia, for the longest while, just kept weeping and repeatedly apologizing for her weeping. Once she stopped, though, she didn't say anything at all. She just sat on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the ground.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:08 pm
Kaistern sighed and crawled up behind Ophelia, wrapping his arms around her. "What do you want us to do?" he asked softly, since Balthazar was apparently playing the bad cop here. "We want you to smile again, not put yourself down like this. It hurts seeing you say such bad things about yourself. You helped me through my problems when Balthazar and I were still in one body, and now it's our turn to help you through your problems for a change. Just tell us what you need us to do."
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:20 pm
"What I need is a distraction." Ophelia said after some thought, thinking back on what she was trying to do the previous night. "When I'm alone or when things are quiet it haunts me. I need to think about more pleasant things. I need to occupy myself, I need to find ways to forget. I also need time to adjust to the situation, to get used to myself again and to make sure that I'm no worse for wear. It's not going to happen immediately, no matter how much you or I wish it."
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:28 pm
((So who was worse self-esteem? Ophelia or Tavros? XD ))
"Alright, but that doesn't fix the other issue. While I can't say I approve of how he put it, Balthazar's right. You're always calling yourself weak and useless, and that simply isn't true. Whatever it takes, I want you to see that." Kaistern said resting his chin on her shoulder.
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:45 pm
{That's difficult to answer because both of them have it pretty bad. XD Only difference is that one is more violent/obsessive yandere-y about it than the other.}
"All my life I've been told and proven otherwise." Ophelia replied, taking a deep breath before closing her eyes. She tried to relax, but had little to no success. She leaned back slightly against Kaistern as she began to list several 'proofs' that her thoughts about herself were true. To Ophelia, they sounded perfectly reasonable. To Kaistern, however, it might sound more like the warped justifications of a victem of various indignities. She told of how frequently she was kidnapped even before she met Kaistern, of how her mother refused to rescue her no matter how...suggestive or vicious the kidnappers might have gotten, giving the 'you could escape any time you wished' excuse when she inevitably made her escape or was rescued by a third party. She talked of how submissive and weak she was, how she'd literally do anything someone asked her - no matter how degrading or extreme - if they were of higher rank or more important than her until recently. Ophelia snapped in a sense, pouring her heart out about many of the worse things she'd experienced that she'd also hidden away. "No matter how you spin it, the reason is always the same. I'm useless. A weakling that just attracts trouble and despair."
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