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Goddess Ace
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:04 pm

Sheer_Immortal

Goddess Ace

Edit 1: Leo was like my child…a child with colitis (an inflammation of the colon).

Lavishing: I think I get what you're saying... is there any word that means doing well that can replace lavishing? Because I can't find it D:

And this sentence: Life is a continuous struggle which we as living creatures endure every single day.

Doesn't need any changes?

1. Excellent. ^.^ You could take out "colitis" and the parentheses if you wanted to ["Leo was like my child...a child with an inflammation of the colon."], but I think the colitis makes it sound more serious, and thus not as much of a shock to the reader when the next sentence is "my parents thought he was going to die". Hmm. Come to think of it, I think the proper punctuation instead of the ellipses would be a dash, but ellipses are becoming more common in this context nowadays anyway, so you probably wouldn't be nailed on it.

2. "Succeeding"? Other synonyms for "thriving"?

3. It sounds good to me ^.^

1.) I like dashes more than ellipses D:

2.) http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/thriving - Think you can spot any word which could simply place lavishing?

3.) Okie dokie

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:12 pm

Goddess Ace

Sheer_Immortal

Goddess Ace

Edit 1: Leo was like my child…a child with colitis (an inflammation of the colon).

Lavishing: I think I get what you're saying... is there any word that means doing well that can replace lavishing? Because I can't find it D:

And this sentence: Life is a continuous struggle which we as living creatures endure every single day.

Doesn't need any changes?

1. Excellent. ^.^ You could take out "colitis" and the parentheses if you wanted to ["Leo was like my child...a child with an inflammation of the colon."], but I think the colitis makes it sound more serious, and thus not as much of a shock to the reader when the next sentence is "my parents thought he was going to die". Hmm. Come to think of it, I think the proper punctuation instead of the ellipses would be a dash, but ellipses are becoming more common in this context nowadays anyway, so you probably wouldn't be nailed on it.

2. "Succeeding"? Other synonyms for "thriving"?

3. It sounds good to me ^.^

1.) I like dashes more than ellipses D:

2.) http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/thriving - Think you can spot any word which could simply place lavishing?

3.) Okie dokie

Replace the "..." with " - " or " -- " then ^.^ (and be sure you remember the spaces on either side of the dash ^.^)

I spotted several of them, actually wink I know you had your heart set on "lavishing", but there are at least three words in the first block there that are almost as pretty and they work in the sentence much better 3nodding

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Goddess Ace
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:17 pm

How about flourishing?

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:19 pm

That was one of the ones I had spotted, yes. ^.^

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Goddess Ace
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:32 pm

I think prospering might be better though.

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 6:07 pm

Okay, I'm done. Printed out and everything.

Moved to Creative Writting sub.

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