The "Punny" Jokes Contest (25k)

[The Timid Thinker]

Since I wonder what people consider a decent pun, I thought, "I'll hold a contest!" The prizes at stake here are a hefty sum of 25,000 gold and the title of Punmaster. (I'll address the winner as this for a whole 365 days.)

RULES AND STUFF YOU SHOULD KNOW:
1. Jokes that aren't a pun won't counted. (But I still might laugh. Might.)
2. If it'll offend someone (Somehow. This is the internet.), then don't post.
3. General discussions are accepted.
4. There will be no tie; at all. You win this or you can say that you tried and be glad of your abilities.
5. Contest ends on Jan. 1, 2010. Two days to crack wise. Did I say Jan. 1? I meant Jan. 15.
GO GO GO GO GO GO GO  

[Pullo]

Removing his sunglasses, Pullo began to speak.

"So, a guy walks into a bar and says, 'Ow!' "

He then turned and walked away, hoping he looked really damn cool.

 

[Ablutophobia]

"You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass."

That one's Douglas Adams'.  

[Fwua Its A Kate-Kup]

i know the contest is supposedly over and stuff but i gotta tell you this joke my dad told me awhile ago so i wouldn't be mad at him anymore lol

so a string walks into a bar and orders a beer.
the bartender looks at him and says 'i can't serve you... you're a string...'
the string sighs and walks away
the string comes back the next day and orders a beer
the bartender says 'i told you yesterday, i can't serve you... you're a string...'
the string walks out and sits on the curb
he then takes his 'foot' and twists it around and pulls it through his 'leg' he then messes up his 'foot and walks back into the bar
he sits down and says 'bartender, give me a beer'
the bartender looks at him and says 'hey, aren't you that string from before...'
the string says 'nope i'm a frayed knot' (get it, afraid not, a frayed knot. ahaha. lol i know it's lame, but that's why it's funny lol)  

[ChikaChickaBoomBoom]

OK, this is long, but it's funny.

a man invented a robot that slapped people when they lied. he decided to test out the robot on his 12-yr-old son. but his son came home late. "Timmy, where have you been?" the man asked. "i was at Dave's. we watched a movie about the 10 commandments." the robot slapped timmy. "OK, OK, we really watched an X rated movie." the man laughed. "You know, Timmy, when i was your age, i never lied to MY parents." the robot slapped Timmy's father. His wife, who'd been watching, said, "well, you've gotta love timmy. he IS your son." the robot slapped her.

L xd L  

[Cakepwn]

Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other, "You man the gun; I'll drive."  

[Kopako Akuzu]

hmm... a pun contest? sounds like fun!

A giraffe strolls into a bar and drinks itself into sleep.
A curious patron asks the bartender "What's that lyin' there?"
The bartender says "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe."  

[Leprechaun_Sean]

So some friends and I are walking through the woods and I ask "Anyone know what we do for fun?" One replies "We can always ask this fungi." He says pointing to a mushroom growing off a tree. I palm my face. "No seriously. I'm bored stiff guys. " I continue. "So is this tree." It was at this point I started getting annoyed. "Dude, you're starting to piss me off." To which my friend then remarks, "Hey man, if you're getting mad, then just leaf." I was about to sock him across the face. That's when I decided, I'll out pun him. "Alright. Fine. It your way. But you asked fir it." My friend smiled. He was happy to accept the challenge. "Moss you always be so quick to anger?" I laughed. "I'm not angry. I just don't like how you're the root of all this drama." My friend gasped mock shock. "Me? I haven't done anything. I'm just sticking to my own business." This point, I was beginning to show signs of laughter. "Right, you expect me to believe you? I'm not as green as you think." My friend fiegned his innocence as he raised his hands to the air. "Buddy, you're stumping me with these words. Can you just ax normal questions?"

Ok. This is making my brain hurt.