What a day =/

[rosadria]

Today was pretty rough. There's a lot going on. I'm probably joining the National Guard at the end of the semester to help pay for college, and I'm getting married relatively soon. I haven't told my parents quite yet, but we've got time. The date is set for Feb. 2012. Gotta get some money together and all that. I'm close to being able to pay for her ring! I would have had it, but that stupid wreck cost all my money. I have.. 23$ to get me through to the next paycheck.
My stepfather's line is fairly atheistic. His mom and her mom are soft Catholics, and that's it. Grandpa Bob is obnoxiously atheistic at a level on par with that generally associated with born against or evagelicals. Dad (the stepdad) is pretty much the same way. My maternal line has a few of them, but my Papa is a preacher, but he lives so far away and I can barely find time to call him since I work closing most non church nights. My biological father lives about a thousand miles.. That way.

So I get home after school. I walk in, and mom's all kinds of mad because the youngest was giving her a real hard time. Personally, I can't stand to be around my sisters for long, but I gave it a shot. I wanted Ramen, so I offered to take the youngest with me to the Walmart across the street. She preceded to throw a huge, huge fit because I grabbed the wrong carseat. Not "That's the wrong seat!" or anything. Just went straight to the screaming. Obviously, I did not indulge her in this. I left my sister at home, got some ramen, and went home.

When I arrived at the house for a second time, the youngest decided it would be funny to run around the kitchen yelling "Victor has no father!" (my name.) Some of you might know how deeply something like that cuts, some of you might not. Let me tell you, it hurts. Then, to add some insult to it, she starts using foul language and God's name as a vulgar word. This is where I must ask for forgiveness. I was angry, and that is not an excuse, but I replied with "How dare you abuse the name of my God? What makes you think that you have that right?" I could have been kinder, but.. Yeah.

Mom gets all kinds of mad at this point. Says that if I had any issues with how she lets her children speak, then I could leave the house, which I plan on doing as soon as possible. I made the mistake here of reminding her that my sister had learned to associate Jesus' name with some very harsh words from her. This kicked off a lot of yelling and screaming on her part and I'm pretty there were some tears. (I'm proud to say that at least this one time I was able to keep my volatile temper under control. Praise the Lord, and I mean that.) She said a lot of things that.. I've heard Grandpa Bob say this stuff about Uncle Jason but never once had I expected that I would hear them from my own mother, who has claimed to be Christian.

This family is sick. I'm sick of it. I tried and I tried and.. Failed. Now I have to, once again, report failure to my Papa. I don't see why my mother at least can't see. I found something beyond wonderful in the Lord, and I want to share it with my family. It hurts whenever someone at the church talks about how wonderful it is to have the support of your family, or how (our youth group has some issues, but we're working on it!) the families need to step in and help make us better sons and daughters of God. I told her how much that hurts, but she preceded to go on about how I hurt her feelings by not respecting her way of life (blaspheming the name of my God and leading my sisters down the broad path of destruction).

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'll admit, I went up to my room and honestly cried for the first time in.. Three years. I don't know whether the Lord sent me to this passage at lunch today in order to prepare me for this, but it's worth mentioning. It's Psalm 27. I was halfway considering quoting at it her, but that wouldn't have helped.

Quote:

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
2 When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3 Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident.
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
6 Then I will hold my head high
above my enemies who surround me.
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
singing and praising the Lord with music.
7 Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
Be merciful and answer me!
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
9 Do not turn your back on me.
Do not reject your servant in anger.
You have always been my helper.
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
O God of my salvation!
10 Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.
11 Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
12 Do not let me fall into their hands.
For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
with every breath they threaten me with violence.
13 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.
14 Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
Psalms 27:1-14 (NLT)

The Lord is good, and He is wonderful. I may have no father, but I have a Father. Please pray for my family, and myself. Pray that the Lord makes Himself known to them. I've tried, and I will keep on trying, but I need prayer. If it isn't the Lord's will that I be the one who helps them to Him, pray that He sends that person soon.

Yours in Christ,
VKF.  

[Saint Crazy The Follower]

I'm praying for you... I definitely understand the pain you must feel, when your own family can't see God's love.

I'm a few months from graduating high school, and I know my own life will change rapidly in the months to come... I'm blessed to have the friendship and love of my friends, one friend's family in particular; this friend was the one who really showed me God's love and became a greater friend that I could have possibly asked for. I spend a lot of time with him, at least considering he moved to a different school recently and lives about 10 minutes away, in the country, and I have no car of my own. I do spend time with his mom, since she's the band director at our school.

However, due to some poor communication with my parents and a poor relationship in general with them... well, my mother doesn't trust me at all, especially when it comes to my friend and his family. This family means so much to me; they're so loving and welcoming and generous, and they enjoy spending time with the people they care about... everything my mother is not. However, although I would like to spend lots of time with them, my mother always finds some silly reason to prevent me from going to see them, and often I have to spend my time at home alone, to avoid a fight with her or in the spirit of trying to honor her.
My dad is more sympathetic, but he is not assertive at all and rarely stands up to her when she is being controlling. (Her issues are more than just with my friend, believe me.)

To top it off, my mother often refuses to take me or my faith seriously. Just today at dinner she was talking about how some doctor made tons of money every year, and pressured me to choose a medical profession (I plan to major in Environmental Engineering as of now).
When I said I didn't want to, she said (I paraphrase, she is full Korean and has broken English) "Well, don't you care about the money?"
I said, "Not really, what good is money if I'm not happy with the work I'm doing?"
She just laughed at me and said, "Oooh, well aren't you so holy!"

Furthermore, she has recently decided to pursue Buddhism, and attends a temple about once a month or so.
:/

It's a strange feeling, not being supported by your own family. I wish I could show more love for them, for God's sake and their own... but they're so set in their ways, and they're the ones who were supposed to influence their children in the first place.

Keep praying. God has his reasons for putting you in this situation. Remember when Jesus returned to Nazareth, and his own hometown rejected him?
In a way, my family has strengthened my faith by making me more independent.
As for you, trust that God will take care of you. Because he will.
heart