Entry 4 is title "The Gopher Explosion" and goes like so:
Cracked
On April 3, 1995, three employees of the Carroll Fowler Elementary School in Ceres discovered a small gopher on school grounds. Naturally, they elected to dispose of it in the most humane way possible... by imprisoning it in a small janitorial closet and spraying it with chemicals until it developed a deep hatred for them. And, apparently, superpowers.
After several minutes of tormenting the pathetic creature with cleaning solvents used to harden gum on the underside of school desks, the employees became frustrated with the gopher's lack of deadness. Obviously, this trio didn't pay enough attention to Caddyshack, or they would have seen what was coming.
They stopped for a quick breather, and by that we mean, a smoke. Since smoking wasn't allowed on school grounds, the closet was about the only place the three could retreat to satisfy their cravings. This would be the closet now full of chemical solvent vapors.
Predictably, their lighter ignited a massive fireball of the damned, scorching and consuming all in its path. The three were rushed to the hospital with burns, several schoolchildren wound up with minor injuries and effects from chemical inhalation.
On the other hand, our gopher hero decided he wasn't going to take Death's s**t anymore. The blast that had burned three adults had left the gopher relatively unharmed. He was found later, clinging to the wall of the closet.
That's right. The gopher was clinging to the wall. An animal that is known solely for digging. Was clinging. To the wall. Reports do not say if its eyes were glowing with the demonic hellfire of Satan, so we're forced to assume they were.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_16658_the-6-most-adorable-animals-to-ever-go-bloody-rampage_p1.html#ixzz0zoq11wa2
After several minutes of tormenting the pathetic creature with cleaning solvents used to harden gum on the underside of school desks, the employees became frustrated with the gopher's lack of deadness. Obviously, this trio didn't pay enough attention to Caddyshack, or they would have seen what was coming.
They stopped for a quick breather, and by that we mean, a smoke. Since smoking wasn't allowed on school grounds, the closet was about the only place the three could retreat to satisfy their cravings. This would be the closet now full of chemical solvent vapors.
Predictably, their lighter ignited a massive fireball of the damned, scorching and consuming all in its path. The three were rushed to the hospital with burns, several schoolchildren wound up with minor injuries and effects from chemical inhalation.
On the other hand, our gopher hero decided he wasn't going to take Death's s**t anymore. The blast that had burned three adults had left the gopher relatively unharmed. He was found later, clinging to the wall of the closet.
That's right. The gopher was clinging to the wall. An animal that is known solely for digging. Was clinging. To the wall. Reports do not say if its eyes were glowing with the demonic hellfire of Satan, so we're forced to assume they were.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_16658_the-6-most-adorable-animals-to-ever-go-bloody-rampage_p1.html#ixzz0zoq11wa2
Now, ripping from that story, I would like to create "Gopherus the Unburning", an infamous demon that is... a gohper.
I think I'll put him either in my 5 Schools of Magic roleplay, or in some sort of story about demons that are more cute than scary - I still haven't done anything with my chibi reapers.
... What sort of personality would a gopher have?
