Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Game Masters Guild

Back to Guilds

 

Tags: writing, stories, character, development, feedback 

Reply Character Concepts
Hannah Harter

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Tejava

Blessed Ladykiller

9,050 Points
  • Somebody Likes You 100
  • Invisibility 100
  • Generous 100
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 6:34 pm


xHannah is my most recent character in a sci-fi RP. I've quickly fallen in love with her, and she'd totally fun to write for! Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Profiles are not always my strongest suit.

User Image


Hannah Harter

Experiment #6265B


This is Who I am
Hannah is a kind, but stubborn individual. She is very independent, but can come off as stuck-up some of the time. She is brutally honest, and sometimes, it doesn’t work in her favor. All in all, she has a good sense of humor, but has grown quiet since she was abducted, afraid to become a liability and a problem. Nothing good ever happened to those outspoken experiments.

I Am This Way Because
Hannah was born in the Bay Area in the sunny state of California. Her mother was a bit of a hippie, and an artist by trade. Hannah fondly remembers watching her mother for hours as she sculpted, painted, and sewed. Her father was a typical American business man, employed by Hewlett-Packard and worked in marketing. Her parents always claimed Hannah was a bit of a surprise, for they weren’t expecting a baby so soon after they got married. Being quite young when they had her, life wasn’t always perfect money-wise, but they made it work. Around her tenth birthday, her family up and moved to Santa Cruz. The following years were some of the happiest in her life. She made good friends, good grades, and learned how to surf. Hannah’s parents also had another kid, a boy, named Jacob. Hannah loved her little brother, and loved being a big sister. All things aside, by and large, Hannah considered her life average. She didn’t feel like she stuck out all that much… but someone noticed her.

It happened shortly after she turned seventeen. She was by no means a bad kid, but she was a teenager, and as most people know, teens can be rebellious. It was over something petty… just a house party thrown by a friend of a friend. Her parents refused to let her go, claiming that it could be dangerous. Still, Hannah didn’t want to be the only one out of her group of friends that didn’t attend. So she waited until everyone was asleep, kissed Jacob goodbye, and snuck out her window. The party was amazing. There was no other word for it. Around 3 am, though, Hannah knew she ought to go home before someone noticed she was gone. Plus, she had to sleep the alcohol off, right?

After thanking her friends, she laughingly began her journey home. It was about halfway when she noticed someone following her. It didn’t bother her drunken mind much at first, but after a few blocks, it finally began to eat at her. She picked up the pace, but so did the stranger, who was quickly closing the gap. She began to run, but it was too late. He tackled her from behind, and covered her mouth to muffle the scream. She then felt a sharp p***k on her neck, and then everything went black. When she woke up, she was in a world of pain. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, and she was definitely not home anymore. Since then, her days have been filled with fear and dread, knowing she was one of the lucky ones in this place… a successful experiment. But is that really a good thing? All she wants it to turn back the clock to that night two years ago. All Hannah wants is to go home.


I was born on
April 26, 1991

And I Am

19


This is What I Like
Hannah enjoys singing, sketching, being outdoors, hanging out with friends, and running.

And The Things I Dislike
She dislikes being cooped up, reading long, pointless books, math, spiders, and needles.


The One In My Unbeating Heart
N/A

They did this to me
Flight, and increased reflexes


Anything Else I Missed?
Hannah has a tattoo on her left shoulder.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 7:31 pm



I'm wondering what they saw in her. I think you might have wrote it like you did so it was sort of a mystery, but if she seems pretty average, how would someone pick up on whatever makes her difference?

pythonesque
Crew

Kawaii Fatcat


Tejava

Blessed Ladykiller

9,050 Points
  • Somebody Likes You 100
  • Invisibility 100
  • Generous 100
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 7:52 pm


xWell, the whole preface to the RP is about seemingly ordinary people getting kidnapped by a research center called ‘Pharmalat’. There, they experiment upon humans in a variety of ways.

xPersonally, I like to put only what’s necessary in a character profile, and then I do the actual developing in the RP. I can see what you mean, though. It is a bit vague.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:59 pm



I do like her character in general. I just feel it's all a little vague for me to really help you. I keep thinking of little questions when I read it: what does her tattoo mean? why was she kidnapped? what's happened in those two years? what do they do the experiments?

Hopefully someone else can post, too, and give their opinion, because I'm not sure how to help without making you reveal more about the RP?

pythonesque
Crew

Kawaii Fatcat


Sami Von Disco

7,600 Points
  • Invisibility 100
  • Tycoon 200
  • Megathread 100
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:37 am


I've seen this skelly somewhere before... rofl

Anyways, I remember this RP vaguely (I think >.>; ), but yeah, like python said, all we really have to go on is the Bio, and that seems fine. Seems like you enjoy this character well-enough, so I don't see how she could be improved. If you wanted more feedback though, it's probably a good idea to link to the actual RP this character is being used in. 3nodding
Reply
Character Concepts

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum