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 Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 12:49 am
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I'm sorry in advance for the length, I'm just going to type right now.
I recently got to know a guy better. It turns out that we are very much alike and have soooo much in common. Both of us found it eerie that we have so much in common and that we understand so much about each other. We are starting to become really good friends.
And I like him a lot. And I can tell that he likes me on a level or two.
The problem is (or maybe Jesus is leading me to this guy?) is that he is not a Christian and follows a bit of Wicca. And it seems like the more he tells me about his past relationships, the more it's worrying me. And there is more but I just can't post it.
I really like him and wouldn't mind a relationship with him. Currently, I value him quite a bit as a friend. As a friend, I would stand by him through anything.
Now, for this part, please no judgment. If there is something constructive you want to say about it, by all means, please do it in a Christ-like way.
I am into BDSM. But as I do not have a boyfriend, I have not been practicing. This guy is also into BDSM.
We just had a very good conversation about what my morals were and where I draw the line for myself. It turns out that I really don't know how to answer that. Ultimately, I said that my line is drawn at kissing and a bit of groping. But it was clear that I still wasn't one hundred percent on it. And I know that his line is further.
Also, these past few months, I have been falling from God quite a bit. I've stopped talking to Him as much as I had been before.
And this guy is a gentleman. Without knowing what I was thinking, he told me this: It's a lot to think about and it would be good for you to find out where you stand before your next relationship happens. That way, you are not compromising your morals for some guy that you really really like.
It's like he read my mind.
I know that what it comes down to right now is, who do I love more? This guy or God? I know the answer should be God. But right now, it's neither this guy or God.
As far as advice goes, I don't even know what to ask.
But I do have some questions that I feel that I just need an answer to:
As Christians, what is the line for physical stuff in a relationship??? What does God say it is? Where do I stop?
Why is this guy and myself all of a sudden getting so close? I've been single for some time now and I am friggin lonely. I want someone to share my life with, someone I can physically touch. But I know we don't always get what we want.
I want a pair of strong and comforting arms around me but I am afraid that this guy will lead me away from God.
I am so lost in what to think right now, so longing for that relationship that I'm crying.
And I'm doubting about God once more. It seems that I have to keep myself in a friggin box that's nothing but Jesus to keep myself from being swayed. Why is Christianity right and everything else wrong?
Why does it seem like I am torturing myself by denying things that are said to be wrong? Why do I meet guys that I just can't have a relationship with? Why why why why why why?! I feel so far from God but why do I keep from bringing myself to do things that He says I shouldn't do?
Please, any advice you could give would be welcomed....
I feel I must say this: I am feeling really.....touchy(?) about this subject....please let your words be kind
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 10:29 am
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:10 am
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:36 am
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You have to ask yourself why you want a relationship so badly in the first place.
Why do you NEED to have someone touch you?
Why do you NEED to have a relationship, and why are certain things necessary within that relationship?
Ultimately, DO you need those things in the first place?
There are reasons that you feel like you need these things. Perhaps, if you dig deep enough and think about it enough, you will find that it is something else you need entirely.
A relationship with God is just that - a relationship. Just as you need to draw lines with this guy you're thinking about, God needs to draw the line with you.
You need to answer this, I cannot answer it for you.
At what point, in any relationship, are you turning your back on someone and hurting them? And is it right to hurt others for the sake of your own, probably temporary happiness?
If you abandoned this friend, he would be hurt, right?
If you abandoned God, He would feel the same way.
I think that, as this guy's friend, the best way to love him AND God, is to show love to him.
Love is NOT kissing, hugging, or anything else.
Love is NOT being in a dating relationship.
Love is caring more about their happiness and wellbeing than your own.
However you accomplish this is up to you, but this guy's long-term happiness will not be found in sex or anything physical.
But if you are so desperate for a relationship yourself, than (forgive me) you are being selfish. You can do the most good by simply being there for him, talking to him, helping him in his life instead of being an object of physical pleasure.
Take some quiet time, think about it. You are in charge of your own path in life, but don't let it be dictated by physical desires that will pass away.
Love lasts forever, and God is love.
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 1:46 pm
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 7:49 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:30 am
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I am sorry to hear that you found out he was after someone else. I will still pray for you and help you figure out what is what in the Bible about relationships if you would still like me to. Know that when you are deemed ready by God, He will present to you someone who will be a wonderful companion, who is God-fearing, and who also has learned what our Lord wants for him in his life, just as you are still learning for your own life.
It was like this for my husband and myself. We both had our hearts broken, our own deal of sinful natures that we wrestled with, and our falling away from God, as well. You are right in saying that God did not create us to be lonely but instead created us to have a relationship with our Creator and those around us. You may not like being alone for right now, but what He may want for you is to learn a lesson of standing on your own two feet with His support and not support from this world. For we are lead by Jesus to have a close relationship with the Trinity consisting of: God, our Heavenly Father/Creator; Jesus Christ, our Savior and Brother; and the Holy Spirit, our inner voice and helper sent by Jesus to help us have a closer relationship with our Lord and to never truly be alone.
I do hope that you are able to come back into that close relationship that God wants with you and that you are able to learn whatever lessons that He has in mind for you in your walk with Him. You will one day be able to find a guy who is just right for you and is also prepared by God's own hands for you just as Eve was created for Adam. Take care and know that you are still in my prayers. God Bless.
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Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:04 pm
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I haven't much of an idea of what to say but I'mma try. Here watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1GgGyV8ZQc think of your situation when you watch it alswell as every other video, my friend Christ truly does satisfy, what are you lonely? Christ can fix that, what do you want satisfaction? Christ can give you that. This video is also an encouragement video smile .
Now as for BDSM thing, if you want to get free form it
visit www.illbehonest.com and below the video there should be categories for you to choose from and I suggest you click on dating(this one for your relationship problems) and sexual sin/pornography (this one tells you how to be free from it all I think) my suggestions on the videos you should watch are called "Time is Short. Don't Set Your Hopes on Marriage", "A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters", "The Shame of Sexual Sin"(Idk what this one is but it might help), and "Freedom from Masturbation and Pornography". there's much there to choose from and don't let anything take you away from God! Fight to stay on that narrow way, but with the help of the Lord Jesus Christ because we can't do it without him biggrin for he is our help. Now as for you're questions I'll get back to you on those, let me think about them and do research on them smile
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:22 am
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:40 am
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:15 am
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PawzPrint I'm sorry in advance for the length, I'm just going to type right now. I recently got to know a guy better. It turns out that we are very much alike and have soooo much in common. Both of us found it eerie that we have so much in common and that we understand so much about each other. We are starting to become really good friends. And I like him a lot. And I can tell that he likes me on a level or two. The problem is (or maybe Jesus is leading me to this guy?) is that he is not a Christian and follows a bit of Wicca. And it seems like the more he tells me about his past relationships, the more it's worrying me. And there is more but I just can't post it. I really like him and wouldn't mind a relationship with him. Currently, I value him quite a bit as a friend. As a friend, I would stand by him through anything. Now, for this part, please no judgment. If there is something constructive you want to say about it, by all means, please do it in a Christ-like way. I am into BDSM. But as I do not have a boyfriend, I have not been practicing. This guy is also into BDSM. We just had a very good conversation about what my morals were and where I draw the line for myself. It turns out that I really don't know how to answer that. Ultimately, I said that my line is drawn at kissing and a bit of groping. But it was clear that I still wasn't one hundred percent on it. And I know that his line is further. Also, these past few months, I have been falling from God quite a bit. I've stopped talking to Him as much as I had been before. And this guy is a gentleman. Without knowing what I was thinking, he told me this: It's a lot to think about and it would be good for you to find out where you stand before your next relationship happens. That way, you are not compromising your morals for some guy that you really really like. It's like he read my mind. I know that what it comes down to right now is, who do I love more? This guy or God? I know the answer should be God. But right now, it's neither this guy or God. As far as advice goes, I don't even know what to ask. But I do have some questions that I feel that I just need an answer to: As Christians, what is the line for physical stuff in a relationship??? What does God say it is? Where do I stop? Why is this guy and myself all of a sudden getting so close? I've been single for some time now and I am friggin lonely. I want someone to share my life with, someone I can physically touch. But I know we don't always get what we want. I want a pair of strong and comforting arms around me but I am afraid that this guy will lead me away from God. I am so lost in what to think right now, so longing for that relationship that I'm crying. And I'm doubting about God once more. It seems that I have to keep myself in a friggin box that's nothing but Jesus to keep myself from being swayed. Why is Christianity right and everything else wrong? Why does it seem like I am torturing myself by denying things that are said to be wrong? Why do I meet guys that I just can't have a relationship with? Why why why why why why?! I feel so far from God but why do I keep from bringing myself to do things that He says I shouldn't do? Added info: He also proposed a thought to me that I thought was a very fair point. Being single and well, lonely for companionship, I do masturbate. I feel that it is against what the Bible says but right now, I'm so lost in this matter that I am not sure anymore. He asked me, if I am doing it myself, why would I not allow a guy to do it to me? No intercourse, just hand stuff. I felt he made a good point, so if someone has an answer for that, I'd be willing to listen? And on another note, this really is hard to post but I really need some Christian insight to this.... Please, any advice you could give would be welcomed.... I feel I must say this: I am feeling really.....touchy(?) about this subject....please let your words be kind
Alright, I'll be honest. As soon as you said Wicca, I thought of the 'unequally yoked'thing. Paul's very straightforward about, if the two of you believe different things, there's going to be controversy. Whether he's willing to change or not, it's better to avoid it. That being said, the fact that he's a different religion isn't sole grounds to avoid the guy. Just know that going in, it's going to be hard to reconcile the fact that, as a Christian, our faith is very exclusive to other faiths. Our god is a jealous God.
About BDSM. I don't think it's a bad thing. Most christians are all into how taboo one thing is, or another, but honestly there isn't much about it that is bad. On the one hand, it's not your average 'vanilla' flavor of bedroom behavior, but on the other hand, there's nothing overtly about it that's wrong from a biblical standpoint. Actually,there's not much in the bible about it that I could find. As long as it's between yourself and your spouse, there's not much wrong with it... But, I'll talk about that in a little bit.
Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people.” Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage. However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue does not mean God approves of “pre-sexual” activity before marriage. By essence, foreplay is designed to get one ready for sex. Logically then, foreplay should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered foreplay should be avoided until marriage.
If there is any doubt whatsoever whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. An unmarried couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered foreplay. Many pastors and Christian counselors strongly advise a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in that marriage becomes
And about the whole masturbation thing clickhere. This site is generally spot on, and I agree with a lot they have here. But don't take this as solid fact. Go digging for yourself. God being who he is, if you take the time to study His word, He'll let you know Himself whether you ought to be doing something or not.
You are in a tough place right now, and I don't envy you. I recently broke things off with a friend, who I've been dating for two and a half years now, and that decision was the toughest one of my life. I can relate. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. I know that in the middle of it, nothing seems to make sense. You don't know what's what, or who to turn to, or why rotten things happen to people. And, there's probably a good explanation. But I don't know. All I can say is that, Jesus promised us that hard times, trials, tribulations, they're going to be a fact of life for us. Believers are assured that there will be hard times. But in the midst of that darkness, God will be with us every step of the way. It may not seem like it, but He's there nonetheless.
My advice would be to pray. Pray, study, and find a couple of people you can go to for spiritual matters.
If you've got more questions, I might have more answers, just send me a PM. |
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 11:06 am
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