My two in one most often used character(s)

[Demon Born of Ashes]

i have alot of characters but after going through two IDs and being unable to get mack on my third before a friend donated their mule i'm abit uneasy sharing my characters but here we go anyway

Name:Karzain
Age???
Hair black
eyes red
skin: glowing white like the moon
forms 1giant white nine tailed fox 2normal 9 tailed kitsune 3 moonlight devil

alter ego/other self

Name Sage
eyes gold
age???
hair silverish wite
skin shiney and black like obsidian
forms winged dragon,semi human dragon ((also has wings))
race ascended demon

weapon(s) several but the one they both consider their favorate is the holy weapon they forged known only as the savior's blade.
despite the name they are not connected to any of the basic religious moments.


Bio these two have little more then their gender in common Karzain for one sees no difference between men and women if he's fighting someone and quite frankly he handles them both the same,incapasitate if possible kill if not. however when he's not on the battlefeild.....lets just say the differences are quite niticable to him in a calm setting

Sage on the other hand has trouble distinguishing between the two genders...infact it's worse then the tyes of incidents in most anime fights
if there's an accidental feel coped or he gets hit on he sometimes short circus,these things have no effect on his counterpart durring a fight.

they have thier vices as well Sage's being coffee and Karzains being alcohol though they do both endulge in the other's vice fairly often
extra: they were once one being Sage was created after karzain witnessed a truly horrifying sight,in order to keep his mind intact however
eventually they somhow devided in a mytosis like scenario becoming two sepeate beings,
They have the ability to come together when they have the same goal in mind resulting in the form of a silver power house with firey amber eyes that never seases to beat the odds.
the one thing they both agree on is that most religions are full of contradictions and they all say one is better then thier competiton...because of this they equate religion in it's various forms to be the same cult in different wrapping with a side of "chose me to avoid hell" poletics.

they know for a fact there is a higher power but they would never lable it with one form gender or religious term. ((btw i claim these as my originals so no stealling...i been using these two since i first joined Gaia on my original account back in 03 and i have plans to use them in storries of mine off site))  

[Arabian Sad]

By posting your characters, I assume that means you are willing to take criticism on them.

First off, why does neither of them have an age listed?
A range at least would give us a better idea as to how they look. To tell the truth, without some kind of indication I automatically assume they're teenagers, but then I keep reading and find out that the one drinks alcohol.

Does that mean he's of legal age to be drinking or is he illegally indulging? Is there even a legal drinking age? Where are they? What time period is it?

Looking over Karzain's short description, I'm sad to say I automatically think of a Twilight vampire (dark hair, glowing pale skin) and I KNOW that's not what you were aiming for at all. I’m sorry, but I feel the descriptions are too vague.

What's the point of the "alter ego" at the bottom of Karzain’s description? Under the "extra" section, it states that Sage was the one who was created from Karzain which makes me think that Sage would be the alter ego and that Karzain with his dark hair and red eyes would be the demon, especially since he's the one with the nine-tailed fox and devil forms. As you can see, this is misleading and can use some explaining.

Speaking of forms, what's the point of them? How do they go about transforming into these, and what kind of strengths or weaknesses do these forms have? What's a moonlight devil? The two can already join together when focused on the same goal and create what you called a power house form that never ceases to beat the odds. So... how often it is that they have the same goal? You don't want to have a virtually invincible character; there must be some kind of weakness. Furthermore, how is a silvery male with fiery amber eyes more powerful than a devil or dragon?

The section about "having little more than their gender in common" is confusing. You state that Karzain sees no difference between men and women when fighting. To me that means he doesn't show remorse or sympathy just because the opponent is a female or male. Is that correct? Does Sage see it the same way? You only state that he can't distinguish between the two genders (this is fairly understandable with anime), and that he "short circuits" when things get too personal or flirtatious. What about this says that they have more in common than just their gender?

I’m not saying that you should change anything, just explain more so that readers aren’t left asking a lot of questions. I feel that whatever story you use them in has great potential and would be an enticing and interesting read. : )  

[BlueberryCondomBomb]

This seems so be unnecessarily complicated... why would he have three forms? are the three forms crucial to the story?
If not then cut down on the shape-shifting as much as you can... it usually makes way for cliche.  

[Demon Born of Ashes]

to both of you sorry for the age being blank that was mostly due to the fact that so many Rps my characters have been in all have different age limits. i'm open to critiques and will be updating as i find ways to explain each question you have.

the easiest to answer is the drinking age is afew years lower where they come from but they are adults,they look much younger then they are

but thier true age could possibly be anywhere from 1000 years to way back in the BCs but i can't tell you guys everything then there'd be no mystery left in my characters.

first off the alter egos and the confusion neither one is actually evil but Karzain is the more willing to charge into danger of the two.
,it's true he dose not feel sympathy or remorse in a fight just cause his opponent may happen to be a women,however he is not a heartless person.
He would never kill a child or a women with child...ofcorse that's not to say he won't knock them out for their own good if they insist on fighting him anyway...just no killing under those circumstances
those are basically his only acceptations.

now addressing his short circuit around women who are especially flirtatious it's very simple battle and down time are two very different situations in his mind,to put it in the simplest terms as brutal as he may seem he is capable of kicking some over confident amazon's a** one minute and opening a door for the exact same women a day later without incident if she survives and is eve capable of carring on a conversation with someone he fought moments before

Sage on the other hand is the opposite calm talkative when the situation calls for it and can even be charming at times but can be taken off his game at times,say a women is a cross dresser for example
and for some reason they get into a fight,,,he has pinned down people much larger then him in his semi human dragon state they both have however say Sage were to accidentally cut a women's shirt in a fight being up untill that point under the misconception she was a he or worse yet he has he beaten and now just has to hold her in his grip till she gives up...there are many ways in which a women could make him temporarily freeze up.
they are basically the literal embodiments of yin and yang,

next thier forms... Sage atually only has two the semi human dragon and
the winged one ((i aidetly typed dragon twice i'll fix it later))
as for each form it's simple the giant oc and The winged dragon serve the same purpose...to scare off people that seem like a threat...or if they insist on staying well...at that size most opponents make excelent appetizers especially if an army interrupts them when they are just minding their own beeswax,
Karzain's moonlight devil form allows him to fly just as Sage can in either of his dragon forms it also serves the purpose of gaining moonlight energy he can use for his attacks, this is also what makes his skin glow,to clarify moonlight not sun light and it;s an all over glow not random "sparklyness" like in the twilight movies and he has the basic devil appearance in this form.
he has6 wings and his nine tails just as his counterpart dose
making up for one anther's weak points..
the silver form comes from thier combined strength.

the fiery amber eyes are the combination of Sage's gold eye and Karzain's red ones that's all for now i'll explain the age and other things later if you have any other questions or want clarification feel free to ask and i'll try to answer as best i can.