I dont know what I'm doing....

[Ciwish]

Wow, where do I begin...

In a week's time I will be moving to New Zealand (where I have never ever been before) to study animation. I've had a course here for 8 months and I enjoy it.. but is it my calling? I am never sure.

warning: rant_________________________________________________

Looking back on the past 3 years of my life I can say I'm pretty certain that God is steering me somewhere.. Its just that this time feels different because I feel like I'm totally thrown out of my comfort zone.

3 years ago I had to leave high school in my junior year to go back to my home country because my dad's contract ended and we had an extended family crisis. My parents enrolled me in culinary school because it was 2 years and they thought it'd be a good idea. Shortly after classes started, my dad got another job back where we were and since my mom missed it they moved back but I stayed to finish my course.

Living by myself I did a lot of things in hindsight I know I shouldnt have, but after I finally graduated I dropped everything like a hot potato and moved back to where my family is. I told them I didnt really see myself in the culinary career (though I dont mind it) and so they let me give animation a try this time per my request. I said I liked it and I think that was when the pressure to go to college started.

They wanted me to go to college and so pressure pressure pressure to find something. I guess as usual under all that pressure I caved and chose Lifeway College in New Zealand based on the minor reason that its the only one i'm familiar with (in theory) because my dad mentioned it and because I just dont want to go back to my home country to study. imo its really stifling there.
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omigosh ramble ramble ramble I have a lot more to spill but I dont know how to put it in words.. the date is drawing near and I'm starting to have a mental meltdown...

TL;DR
I have no idea what I'm doing and its getting really hard to keep it together. I keep looking back to

Jeremiah 29:11

"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'"

though sometimes it gets tough to really believe it wholeheartedly.

sorry i'm rambling. I really feel lost and I dont really know who i can talk to irl about all this. Its been bottled up and bubbling I just needed an outlet.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

Please pray for strength and direction for me.

But other than that, would whoever out there maybe stay in this thread and talk with me through this. I really dont want this to become just a "yes I see your request I'll pray for you -person leaves and never looks back-" type thing..  

[Ciwish]

I know this isnt as tragic a lot of other requests or as dramatic but y'noe... different people have breaking points. I think I'm about to hit mine emo
just needing prayer and encouragement...  

[Phantom Jutsu]

Thank you for sharing. It's good to see some one who is so wholeheartedly set on pursuing God's plan for their life. So let me start off with this: I think your heart's in a good place and you're in good company. ^_^

You said you were being pushed out of your comfort zone. I know that's a scary place to be; but it's actually a good thing. Honestly, that's the way God operates a great deal of the time. He molds and shapes us by forcing us to face the unknown and trust him. Think of Peter, when he walked on water. As long as he trusted in the lord, his footing was secure. And how about Daniel in the lion's den, or Jonah when he was called to preach to the Ninevites. As Christians, we are not called an easy life. It's hard and it's scary, but it's also glorious, because it is orchestrated by a glorious God who makes all things new according to his will and might.

I also think that you may be over thinking this just a little.
1 cor. 10:31
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Basically, our job on earth is to take the talents God has given us and use them for his Glory. If you think anime a means to that end you should pursue it.
I also want to suggest to you a book, it's small and an easy read. it's called "Just Do Something" by Joshua Haris.  

[Ciwish]

Phantom Jutsu

You said you were being pushed out of your comfort zone. I know that's a scary place to be; but it's actually a good thing. Honestly, that's the way God operates a great deal of the time. He molds and shapes us by forcing us to face the unknown and trust him. As Christians, we are not called an easy life. It's hard and it's scary, but it's also glorious, because it is orchestrated by a glorious God who makes all things new according to his will and might.

I also think that you may be over thinking this just a little.
1 cor. 10:31
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Basically, our job on earth is to take the talents God has given us and use them for his Glory.

Oh I've read some of Joshua Harris' stuff. and yeah i tend to overthink a lot.
I've managed to calm down for now so thanks to the Lord for showing me

Matthew 6:25-27

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

I'm very comforted to know that I have a God that is truly with me and sends people with insight I need help with. Thanks  

[On_Fire_4_CHRIST]

I'll pray for ya. smile And I'm open to talk. Though if it's really private for you pm or im would probably be better. Anyway:

I'm not sure how you're not feeling comfortable is. On one hand people can be uncomfortable when they're outside of God's will, but you can also feel uncomfortable when they're inside of God's will. If you haven't done so yet, I suggest you seriously pray to God about this. God will give you insight into what He wills for you to do. If you haven't prayed at all, I think your discomfort might be God not willing for you to do this. But that's just an assumption. Read your Bible, pray, and wait for God's response. Also remember that God's response doesn't have to be audible; it could be by dream; it could be by something that happens to you; it could be by a way that only you would understand. I'm not sure how He'll reveal things to you, but trust that He will do so. In the mean the time, don't be so quick to act in that area until you are certain of God's will.

P.S. - that wasn't a rant. smile lol