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 Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 7:38 pm
Alright, I don't normally do this, but the time has come for me to turn to the people of Gaia for advice.
What's wrong with me? If anyone has had an honest convo with me, am I awkward? Strange? Freely? Maybe I should explain this a bit better...
I live near N.Y.C. This last week I've been down in the city hanging out, looking around, just chillin basically. The only problem with this is that my friends couldn't come with...even then, I was alright at first. Today it hit me, everywhere I looked were groups of best friends or worse couples.
Let me rant right now, I hate couples. Every time I look at them I feel SICK TO MY STOMACH. Not 'cause they're being gross or anything, but because no matter how hard I try I can't end up in one. Am I a total troll? Am I a b*tch? There are only two groups that pay attention to me. 95% of this group are Men over 40 ((I'm 17)). The other 5% are girls.
I am not a lesbian. I'm starting to think I should become one though, there seems to be a sign on my back that no one told me about that says 'men stay away'. This brings me to my next problem; they few times I do get hit on by a girl my face goes all blushy((...well, as much as a black girl can blush)) and I lose my train of thought. I'm not sexually attracted to girls though...at least I don't think, but I think I would know at this age.
I need any kind of help. How to flirt with people, how to look my own age, if I'm just enjoying being flirted with or if I'm bi heck; could someone tell me how to introduce myself to someone new? I have two days left to hang out in the city and my ACTUAL town is kinda small and really small minded. Any help is appreciated. I'm hanging this is both 'Why not' and the Gaia 'G.S.A.' in case people see it twice. Thanks
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:21 am
well,you're not unnormal. there is ohter pepole who's feeling the same way as you do.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:46 am
Serrenedy Alright, I don't normally do this, but the time has come for me to turn to the people of Gaia for advice. What's wrong with me? If anyone has had an honest convo with me, am I awkward? Strange? Freely? Maybe I should explain this a bit better... I live near N.Y.C. This last week I've been down in the city hanging out, looking around, just chillin basically. The only problem with this is that my friends couldn't come with...even then, I was alright at first. Today it hit me, everywhere I looked were groups of best friends or worse couples. Let me rant right now, I hate couples. Every time I look at them I feel SICK TO MY STOMACH. Not 'cause they're being gross or anything, but because no matter how hard I try I can't end up in one. Am I a total troll? Am I a b*tch? There are only two groups that pay attention to me. 95% of this group are Men over 40 ((I'm 17)). The other 5% are girls. I am not a lesbian. I'm starting to think I should become one though, there seems to be a sign on my back that no one told me about that says 'men stay away'. This brings me to my next problem; they few times I do get hit on by a girl my face goes all blushy((...well, as much as a black girl can blush)) and I lose my train of thought. I'm not sexually attracted to girls though...at least I don't think, but I think I would know at this age. I need any kind of help. How to flirt with people, how to look my own age, if I'm just enjoying being flirted with or if I'm bi heck; could someone tell me how to introduce myself to someone new? I have two days left to hang out in the city and my ACTUAL town is kinda small and really small minded. Any help is appreciated. I'm hanging this is both 'Why not' and the Gaia 'G.S.A.' in case people see it twice. Thanks There are always going to be people hanging with one another so long as humans remain a social species and so long as there is something on some sort of level to be gained, whether it be something monetary or emotional. This is nothing new nor is it anything to be ashamed of. Most are codependant by nature, and it is indeed a good thing when you can enjoy yourself on your own and not let their herd status get to you - just as it is when you learn how to behave and cooperate with other people without being condescending or self-important. In my oppinion, people should learn how to have fun by theirselves every now and again, even if everyone else around them isn't. My advice for this particular scenario is to calm down, relax, and don't think about it. Just do what you love to do and everything should be just fine, unless you are somehow a homocidal sociopath who loves to harm others. In that case, please bore yourself to death. Everyone will thank you for it.
Believe me, relationships are overrated. I'm not saying this out of any sort of bitterness or jealousy, but romantic or sexual relations should never be a factor in which you judge your self worth. Far too many people these days use boyfriends and girlfriends as status symbols, as mere objects to prove themselves superior to others. Other people simply want sex, someone to stroke their egos, or a second mother to do the job that their first one failed to, which is to raise them into an adult fit for society and their life ahead of them. Focus on finding yourself first and finding out what you want from life. If you fall in love with someone or you meet a wonderful and responsible sex friend you can trust, that's fine, and I congratulate you on your good fortune. However, how can you love another person when you can't love yourself first? There is so much more to life than just who you're boning or playing tongue-wrestling with! Explore your options a little, and just make sure you are happy and content with yourself before you latch onto another. If you don't, I highly doubt it will be anything but a hollow sham of a quick fling or an unsatisfying and dissappointing long relationship that will leave you without the satisfaction you need in life.
If you aren't sexually attracted to women, you shouldn't consider chasing after them. One is not a homosexual unless they are sexually attracted only to their own gender, just as one is not a heterosexual so long as they are not only attracted to those of the opposite gender. To persue a relationship in which there is no attraction will leave you feeling hollow and unsatisfied with yourself and the relationship. It won't be meaningful in the least, and it would be unfair to both you and your partner when you finally do find someone you are interested in - who reciprocates your feelings no less. If it is a monogomous relationship, which I'm assuming is what you mean by a boyfriend/girlfriend, then you would have to hurt your partner and yourself either way. If you dumped your partner for that individual you actually have the attraction with, you would cause plenty of heartache for your partner. It would also hurt you bad if it turned out that the one you were attracted to doesn't seem all that great after all. If you had an affair, you would be hurting your partner - and later you - once both partners find out about each other and both become enraged at you for playing them both. If you ignored this opprotunity, you would be hurting your partner in the sense that they are not your ideal lover as well as yourself in the fact that you would be forcing yourself to stay in a relationship you no longer even want.
I can't teach you alone what social mannerisms are acceptable and what aren't. That's something you'll have to find out yourself through experience and through socializing with other people. To introduce yourself to another person, I assume you would need to just walk up to them and start a conversation, asking their name and the social formalities and the like. The best way to improve is to practice and to observe how others do it, and to make mental notes as to what works and what doesn't. Nobody's perfect, so don't expect everything to go smoothly. Just...take it one step at a time, I suppose.
I'm sorry for the incredibly long post, but I had plenty to say about this post. I hope my words are not unwelcome, and if they are, I apologize. I wish you the best and I hope you have a pleasant day.
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