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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:10 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:04 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:23 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:40 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:56 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 11:05 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 11:22 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 11:31 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:15 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 8:54 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:47 am
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faithful quenga I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"
Also we are all human beings who struggle with things in our own sinful natures. None of us are perfect and maybe sometimes we allow things to hinder our walk with God and the furtherance of his will. I asked a question about what those things might be for some people.
...Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"
Don't get me started about the struggle. I make so many mistakes. I let laziness get in my way. I let my sinful desires get in the way. The desire for my fiance, even though we are not yet married. I let the world get in my way. And trust me it's not without any level of guilt. I let that "worn out" feeling take hold of me and cover me like a heavy iron blanket I can barely breathe under. Let me give you a little back story if you don't mind.
I was brought up in Church and accepted Christ at 11 or 12, yes, but so much went on in my life as a child. I lost a baby sister the day before her second birthday. I was 4 1/2. Every child psychologist I went to claimed I witnessed her drown (at a crowded creek not far from our home). After my youngest sister was born, when she got about the same age as the middle child, my mother started drinking and we were in and out of church for years. My only solace was that there is a God and Jesus and that I might be able to go see my baby sister again one day. I won't walk you through all of it, but I'll hit the major points. Mom is an alcoholic, (now recovered), Dad started yelling to vent his frustration and misery at mom's illness and the loss of his daughter, my youngest sister was the angel of the family. And I was me. I had my imaginary friends. I had my books. And I had God most of all. I wasn't a very pious child. I was stubborn and sullen. Morose and morbid. I was teased in school. My family is not well off, but we are not dirt poor either. In High School I was still picked on and tormented. I tried finding solace and friendship at our Christian Students gatherings. I wasn't accepted or welcome there either. What Christian love, huh?
By the time I got to college (A year early) I was starting to truly understand my faith, and my faith was challenged as well. My mom, by now a 'recovered' alcoholic, but dreadfully sick. She is still very sick from all those years of drinking and I know now she doesn't have very long left with us (but God can change that in an instant).
My faith grew a little stronger after I made a mistake and broke a promise to myself. I gave up my virginity. It's one thing to say "Oh I'll wait til I'm married" to a friend but another to whenever you're alone with a guy that's pressuring you and getting increasingly frustrated. I was scared. I was out past curfew and couldn't go back to the dorm without getting a fine. So I gave up. I relented. And i felt terrible. Two...three weeks later he broke up with me. said a lot of hurtful things.
things started to look up when I met a friend i hadn't seen in a while. He made me smile, made me laugh, generally made me feel a little better about myself. We spent the day together one day, after he talked me out of skipping my last class of the day (first one had been canceled). By the end of the day he ended up kissing me. We started dating and a little while later I came to that choice again. I was in a bad mind frame. "damage is already done. why not do it again?" So I did. I didn't realize both he and I were running from God, or at least ignoring Him. We are both called in one way or another. To help, to minister, to spread the gospel. To be vessels for the Almighty God. "Ambassadors in Chains"
We have been together nearly 2 years now (oct 19.) and I have to say I truly believe he is the one God has put in my life to grow with mentally, physically, and spiritually. The only issue is getting over this hurdle of pre-marital sex. The world says it's okay as long as you take precautions, but God says it's not, as we are not of this world. Some say "why not go ahead and get married if you love eachother so much" but the issue is money. We don't have the money to do that right now, and he's the type that wants to do it right. And also, in a month or two, I have to move out of my parents house and closer to the university I'm planning on attending in the Spring. It's much cheaper and more economical just to move in with him. See my predicament?
Either way, I guess you can say I am a "new" Christian, or at least a "born again" Christian, where I don't know my bible or read my bible as much as I should, and for that I am ashamed. I know I make these mistakes and I repent for them frequently. I praise God and thank Him for forgiving me even though I don't deserve it. I am unworthy.
If you would like to know more of my story, more about my current situation, I am willing to share, I just don't want to complete overload you with information. I will accept any and all advice and especially prayers. smile
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:35 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:10 pm
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