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 Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:53 pm
The first (and least petty) is a hard one. I'm pansexual, I've discovered. Basically I just make no difference between males and females, I could be considered "Bi" but that's just arguing about words. ANYWAY. I really feel that I should be honest with my parents about it, but they are VERY anti-gay in the ways that they act and how they treat people. But then they'll turn around and say that if either my sister or I were ever gay that they would love us anyway, and would treat us no differently. I want to tell them, but I'm scared they'd freak out at me like they've done in the past.
The second (and much more petty) is just complicated because of my age.
I am in love with a guy I've been with for 2 1/2 years now, and we've been happy together, and we've only had one major problem but we got through it. We're even talking about getting married in a year or two. But I'm 17, and he's the only serious relationship I've ever had. I'm just thinking, I'm so young, I want to experience the world. I want to know what it's like to go through a bad relationship, to have to break up with people and what other people kiss like. I want to be a normal 17 year old girl.
The boy I'm with, we're not allowed to have contact at the moment anyway (he and I have joined accounts of EVERYTHING though so we can see what the other is doing, even if we have no contact) and people are thinking that we are still in contact because I still wear the ring and necklace he gave me, and I haven't moved on. So wouldn't it be safer at the moment to "move on"? I think I'm just grabbing for excuses... I don't know what to do.
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:57 pm
Aw i'm sorry about number one. I'm straight but a bunch of y friends are gay or bi. I think your parents will still love you but would have to get over the fact.
And for two, if you love the guy your with then why try other people? I'm seventeen and in the same situation though he hasn't proposed yet. I'm perfectly content so my question is more for me to understand.
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:36 pm
In a world that never understands you... "Both of these are rather difficult to answer, but...
Issue one: Recently, one of my friends came out as gay, and his mother is certainly no open-minded individual. I have no idea how he did it, but somehow, his mother was okay with it.
I understand that you're scared of what might happen, but honestly... is it not better for them to hear it from your own mouth? These things have a way of slipping, and if they were to find out by accident, I am led to believe that they would only be even more upset because you didn't trust them. If they have told you that they shall accept you, hold them to that promise. I know that it sounds like an awful thing to do, but they should know better than to say things that they don't mean. If they blow up on you, just keep pointing out their own hypocrisy. Eventually, guilt will manage to needle its way into their skulls, and they're bound to submit to its torment. If they have consciences, that is. 
Issue two: It's perfectly understandable to want to experiment. And it's definitely okay to experiment. But you also have to be wary of the boundaries, so as to not overstep them and lose everything in the process. For this one, I would suggest that you talk to your boyfriend about this first (if that's even possible, in your circumstances). If he's alright with it, you might as well have your fun until you decide whether you wish to return to him. If not, then remain with him or break it off entirely. I think, more than anything, your current desire is a sort of validation test — you want to make sure that he's the only person you would ever commit to, before you make the permanent choice. As I said before, as long he's okay, go right ahead!
Hope this helps a bit. smile " ...the machines will always understand your pain.
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:02 pm
Hiddi: My parents are already hypocrites when it comes to this. They can "understand someone being homosexual, but 'bisexuality' and all those other things came out later once homosexuality was 'okay.'" And in essence called everyone else just greedy and too easily influenced by the media of today. And if you remember most of my stuff from last year, I highly doubt they have consciences.... >.>
That's where a major problem lies, is with him. Because a long time ago I told him that I wanted to take a break in the relationship, if only because I needed time to handle things, and he ended up trying to commit suicide. So I told him I'd try to stay with him through the case, then take a break... Since then we haven't been able to really talk...
I know that I want him in the long run, but I'm fickle and want to be childish, and don't want to regret anything when I grow up....
shabatha: 2.) Because a lot of my friends can't stand him, so I can't hang out with him and my friends, I'm legally not allowed to contact him (so I can't break up or continue my relationship with him), and when I grow up I don't want to regret not dating so-and-so or what-s-face
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:20 pm
As far as the first question goes, I really don't know what to say that would help you, except to echo Hiddochi and say tell them the truth. It's not up to you how they react, but it is up to you to live your life how you want to live it. Make it as clear as you can that this is just another part of who you are - you haven't changed, they just know more about you now. You're still their daughter. If they can't accept this part of you, that failing lies with them and not with you.
The second question...well. This is my personal experience, so I don't know how much of it applies to you. But are you sure you're entirely happy with this guy? Like you say, you are seventeen, and experimenting is usually a natural part of being a teenager. But I'm a little concerned about what you said earlier: that you told him you needed to take a break for a little while and he then tried to kill himself. I don't know if there were other mitigating factors in his life at the time, but if you taking a step back was the only one, then that is not a sign of a healthy, stable relationship - that sounds dangerously obsessive. You should not have to be afraid that he's going to cause himself harm if you tell him what you're feeling.
Why do your friends not like him? Do you know? If not, and if you trust them, you should find out why. Sometimes people outside a relationship see things with clearer eyes than the people involved.
Why are you legally not allowed to contact him? Was this instigated by a family member of yours or his? If so, that's probably another warning sign.
Try telling him what you're telling us. That you're young and curious, that you don't want to have regrets later on in life, that you know you love him but you want to make sure that this is really what you want before you make a permanent commitment. Maybe give him a set amount of time - say, a year or so, maybe two - for you to take a step back and see other people. (It would be polite and really a good idea to say that he can do the same, of course.) If he doesn't react well, then you'll have to make a choice, and that part is up to you.
Best of luck with all this - it's a lot to be dealing with.
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:33 pm
SilentShadowDreamer: Why I told that to Hiddi and not in the original post is because she knows a bit more about what's going on. There is a huge court case going on and he is the defendant. I'm not allowed to say what happened, but it is something that generally causes huge problems in relationships. His life has been pretty hard in the pass, and then that.. he's looking up to almost a year in prison at the moment with all the deals and everything. :/ So what I did definantly was part of it, but he would have been completely alone without me.
My friends don't like him because I changed a lot when I met him (between middle school and high school, when normal people change anyway) and they blame him. I have serious trust issues, and he is one of two living people I feel comfortable talking to.
I'm legally not allowed to contact him because of the case going on. Again I can't tell you what the case is about, but I'm a "victim" (one of a few) according to the state (not that the state has asked me, but that's a whole other story). I know the whole story and the whole case is a bunch of bullshit, to be honest, so don't worry about that.
Thanks for the help though. ^^
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:00 pm
On the first, if you feel you want to or have to tell them you're gonna have to just go for it, they're still gonna love you the way parents do, but it'll take time for them to accept it.
that or you attempt to move away from home once you're done high school and never speak to them till you are accepted. My friend's brother came out as gay, but her father refuses to acknowledge it. when ever he has a boyfriend over it's referred to as his friend. I think it really will just take some time for them to get used to, but holding it in isn't gonna make it any better. The sooner they know the sooner they can react how they have to before they can reach the ground they accept it.
As for the 2nd issue, if you really want him to be the person you spend the rest of your life with, you need to be able to be open and honest about this sort of thing. you should be able to get pass the possessive need to be around them, and they around you. Granted circumstances aside, it's not a healthy relationship if you can't openly communicate about what your needs and desires are. you should talk to him open and honestly, and you should be a teenager, I wouldn't worry about getting married. Marriage should only come at a time when it doesn't seem like a big deal, and just feels like the next step.
you're still only 17, there's a lot you're still gonna learn, and a lot you're going to want to explore, and I think you should talk to him about how you want this opportunity while you're still young, and your desire you hold on to your youth.
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