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 Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 4:00 pm
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Hey everyone. I know it has been a long while since I was last active not only in the guild, but from Gaia as a whole. I've had a bunch of things happen to me over the last few months, so I figured that I would give an explanation for my extended leave of absence.
So where to begin.. let's start with some back story. The reason why I left the guild in the first place, was because of my father's declining health. This is going to come up later, as the reason why I took another leave of absence from here, later in the story.
Anyways, moving on. So around this time in 2014, pops was going in for a check-up on his chest (because once you have lung cancer, you've got to make sure to keep it in check, otherwise that can kill you). After having 2 successful surgeries on his lungs to cut out tumor growths about a year prior, everything was good.. up until now. The cancer had come back, albeit it was, at the time, malignant. Couldn't operate on his lungs anymore, because when you have about 2/3rds of a lung missing, that kinda thing is just not possible. So we are forced to sit around and wait, praying that the spots didn't come back full-force, but they did.
Now, around June of 2014, we learned that my sister was preggers, which was great! Everyone was all happy, and it gave us something to keep our minds off of the negativity of dad's illnesses.
Jump forward to around late-August / middle-September. Dad is having problems moving around, and complaining of chest problems. What we didn't know, was that in the 2-3 month spread from when we found out about sister's pregnancy to then, was that the cancer spots had grown at such a rapid rate and size, that it had attached itself to his chest wall, and actually managed to break a rib. Again, we didn't know about that, and wouldn't learn about it, until around Octoberish.
October was a terrible month, in all honesty. Dad was barely able to move around the house, and overall it just sucked a**. We took dad in for an appointment, to see what was up with his chest problems, and that was when we learned about the lung cancer coming back. We also learned something more pressing at the time: He had bone cancer in his hip. The lung cancer had gotten so far along, that it was starting to spread to the rest of his body, and the first stop was his hip, and to be more exact, it was the ball and socket joint in his hip. It was literally being eaten away by the cancer, and had gotten to the point now, to where if he was to make a wrong move, he would break his hip.
So let it be known, that before we learned about the bone cancer, we were getting ready to start a second round of chemo, much stronger than the first around, on his lungs, to try to calm the beast that was his lung cancer. Obviously, the news of his bone cancer changed EVERYTHING, because for those who don't know the destructive capabilities of chemotherapy, lemme tell you: It attacks EVERYTHING, including bone structure, so we had to postpone the chemo on his lungs, to start radiation on his hip. Before that, however, he needed to have screws put into his hip, to health strengthen it in the event that something were to happen to it.
In the days leading up to his surgery, we found an even more serious threat than bone + lung cancer combined: Brain Cancer. The fact that it had spread to his brain, was terrible news, as now EVERYTHING was postponed, until we got the brain cancer under control. So now here we are, at the end of 2014. Pops is under intense radiation treatments (2 weeks worth) to try to slow the brain cancer down enough to where we can do the surgery on his hip, and then do a dual chemo / radiation treatment on his hip and lungs, hopefully making him right as rain.
New year's time is here, and pops isn't looking so well. The radiation treatments on his brain have taken a huge toll on his person, to the point where he is barely moving. He ended up having a fall, and we had to have an ambulance come and help him up.
End of last month. Things... aren't looking good. I'll forever remember it like it was yesterday. I had just got done watching the Royal Rumble replay (since I missed it live the first time). It was around 1:45 in the morning, when my brother (who was visiting from Washington on military leave) came to my room, and said that I needed to get ready to leave to go to the hospital. I knew what was going on. I knew in my mind, that my father was about to get ready to pass.
On the way to the hospital, the drive was silent. Nary a person was on the road (then again, it was in the middle of the night..), so we didn't have too much traffic to contend with. When I got there... the sight and the smell was horrendous. Me, my brother, and the rest of our little family was there. The room was quiet as we sat there, helpless as a newborn baby, as we watched my father pass away.
Cause of death was cited as heart failure. I didn't get home until 530, and didn't get to sleep, until 9. It was infuriating, as there was so much that he was going to help me out with, like how to work on cars, how to build this and that, and other various things... and here he was, no longer with me. When I heard about the brain cancer, I began immediately to steel myself for his eventual passing, but I don't think I was 100% ready for him to go. I don't think any of us were, to be frank.
That was... about a month ago. Since then, I've been taking the days as they come, and spending the bulk of my time, trying to make sure that my mother is alright. Job hunting has started to come back into play for me, and life is slowly starting to move forward, but it'll never be the same. Is it supposed to be the same?? I don't know. But... I'm hanging in there, and I think I'm mentally alright enough, to at least come back here and let you all know what has been going on.
I'll make another post in a few weeks, when I'm ready to come back and help the guild with duties and all the such.
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 9:19 pm
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Setsunasa *hugs* Take all the time you need. Life goes on, but it will never be the same. That doesn't mean life won't be good though! It sounds like you're taking good care of your mother, thank you for that =) Good luck with the job hunt!
I'd do anything for my mom. She's one of the main reasons why I think I'm able to stay as sane as I have over the last number of weeks. I'm also very thankful for the extremely tight-meshed group of friends I've made over the last 15 years, who have helped me get back on track with life, and who have helped me out of some very dark times over the last 3 years, and most recently over the last 3 weeks.
I've been struggling for the last 3 years with looking for work, but I plan on continuing with the job hunt. If I struggle hard enough, eventually I'll hit something. 3nodding |
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