Something had to give sooner or later, he really didn't think he could live with this feeling anymore. It felt too heavy to carry. Helplessness poured into him and every feeling he felt, but the God would endure it. It was in his own Domain after all, he would always carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and do it with a smile. A smile made of glass, sure, but a smile nonetheless.
"Mother?" Ari called out, his tone tired and relaxed. She had to be around here someone. Zimrain hardly left the Pridelands. He knew that if he could find her that maybe she could help him with his thoughts, or at least help him sort out some of his confusing feelings. He just needed to breathe freely again.
"You around?" He asked again, this time pausing for a long second, waiting to see if she would arrive. She was always here for her children after all.
"Ari my love!" It was like magic, the second he called for his mother she appeared. Zimran was always so happy to see her children and Ari was one of the few that always came back to her for advice or comfort. She loved that about him. He was her first born, but also her most needy. She smiled at him, beaming with joy as he neared.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" A puzzled look crossed her face as she stood tall, beckoning him to come closer with a paw. She wanted to embrace her son, to protect him from the world even know. It was an unrealistic desire, but a desire none the less. All she could do was offer him a home, loving support and her wisdom. Ari was in control of everything else.
"Come, sit and talk to me." As she spoke she sat down and placed a paw on the ground beside herself. It was time for a good heart to heart, she could tell.
As she spoke he moved himself closer to her, his figure was looming compared to her own. He was actually a lot bigger than both of his apartments and siblings, even his twin was built more like his mother. He nuzzled himself into her and rested his chin on her forehead before speaking up with an almost desperate tone.
"I've missed you." He didn't want to start the conversation off on a poor note, but he just felt so overwhelmed with the world at the moment, it was hard not to. He closed his eyes and found comfort in his mother's embrace. It brought him back to a time where things felt simple and life seemed full of joy and love and endless happiness. Life before that vale was lifted. He would give anything to have those days back. Anything.
"It's just been hard lately, mom." Ari explained with heavy eyes. He could feel his lower lip quiver as he continued to speak.
"I don't think I've ever been able to move on from Ziska. I loved her so deeply. I would have done anything for her...." He found himself trailing off as he spoke, his eyes lost in the past.
"But she didn't want me. Look at me now. I'm a father to cubs I hardly see. Tuu was the biggest mistake, mother. If it wasn't for the children it would have been the single worst thing I have ever done. But I don't regret them, just her." He muttered softly. Ari could never regret his cubs. He loved them all, even if some of them had left never to be seen again. He was proud being a father to the ones that stayed. Tuu on the other hand, well, he could have gone his whole life without seeing her again. She took advantage of his sorrow, and in the moment he truly thought she cared. it broke him knowing that in the end she never cared at all.
Was he cursed to never find love? or at least someone to love him in return? Even for a second? He shuttered at the thought of never finding a love like his own parents had. Even if they currently were apart, he knew that they always loved one another. The support the two had for one another was endless. He felt it his whole life. Maybe that's where his unrealistic idea of relationships came from.
"I'm sorry mother. I'm just a little exhausted emotionally if you couldn't already tell." He sat beside her and leaned against her.
"Oh, sweet Ari. You can't keep doing this to yourself." She purred as she wrapped her tail around him, gently nuzzling his side. He had a bad habit of being inanely self aware and critical, and at times was his own worst enemy. Zimran placed a tinder kiss on his son's cheek before she spike again, her tone light and full of understanding and support.
"You have to let go of your own past if you expect to move forward in life. Living will be incredibility painful for you if you can not learn to do this. Your life is endless, you can not allow the years to pass you while you wallow in self-pity." Being a God had it's perks, but it was also a lonely life if you allowed it to be and she knew right now her son was trapped in a cycle he had to try to break. She smiled before speaking again.
"Love isn't easy, Ari. Love comes to us when we least expect it. You can not allow your past to govern your future or you will be truly lost." She wanted to fix all of her sons problems, but she knew she could not. His life was in his hands. Ari needed to grow from this pain, he needed to allow himself to move forward.
"I know... I do. I just-" He paused, frowning. He felt beside himself for a moment. On one hand he understood his mother words and knew she was right. On the other though, he still felt the fear of being alone haunt him.
"You found dad and you both get to be immortal together. I might not so lucky." As he spoke he lowered his head and closed his eyes. The sad truth was painted clearly as day. He would spend eternity alone if he didn't find a Goddess to settle down with... but what if that just wasn't in the cards for him? He after-all loved a mortal before and had never had feelings for a Goddess, not once yet. Was he doomed to repeat the cycle? He felt some guilt for his children being mortal as well. He knew he would out-live them. It was hard to live with.
"Ari, I have God children, I have mortal children, I have love that is vast and love that is understanding. Mortality shouldn't be so frightening. It's about living in the moment and enjoying the life you are given. Do not waste life with your past remorse and regret. You will live a life of pain if you continue down this path." She wanted so badly for her son's sorrow to be cured. He had been this way for sometime now. She would give anything to make him happy, to bring back his once bright and lively smile.
"Please, stay with me for a bit, at least to take a few days to ease that worried mind." Zimran, in all honestly was glad to have her son back home. Maybe sometime away from his own mind would do him some good.
"What do you say?" The question stood tall, awaiting his reply with a smile.
He could tell he he had to go, but it would have been a lie. He had no where to be, so why not stay around for a bit to keep his mother company? Who knew, maybe being home would do him some good after all. He did always feel better in the presence of his mother.
"I'll stay for a while." He nodded and nuzzled her head.
"We can catch up more this way." He wanted to smile for her endlessly, but he also knew she understood why in the moment his smile was hard to find. Even if he was happy to be home apart of him still felt lost at sea.
Maybe he would find his way back to himself soon. Maybe his mother could help.
~end at 1,488 words.