((backlogging the hell out of things~))
Their foray out into the world had concluded a few months ago, and since then, Psyche had done her best to settle back into life in the desert...again. Anxiety had plagued her, but it was a new sort she'd never felt before, as she waited and waited, and waited some more...until she was finally forced to admit to herself that one particular venture she had made had been unsuccessful. She couldn't help but be disappointed - crushed, to be honest - that she hadn't succeeded in getting with cubs. She'd been so hopeful, so excited, after working up the courage to make the proposition and it had been accepted, but now...
For whatever reason, absolutely nothing had come from it. Others who'd gone on the expedition had since given birth to healthy litters; it was a happy thing, a sign of much-needed growth for the pride, but Psyche had to push down the wistful sadness that came upon her whenever she caught a glimpse of the new young Firekin. She had wanted to be a part of that change, but here she was, full of nothing but sighs. She did her best not to dwell on it too much, to find other things to occupy her mind, but she knew that she had missed an opportunity, and that there was no telling when or if it would come again. She wasn't so desperate for cubs that she would seek out a mate from within the pride; not that there was anything wrong with that, but she had very specifically wanted cubs sired by outsider. And the outsider she'd found, well...she'd liked him. She'd found it very appealing that he had the same sort of colors she did, just on the fringe of what the pride now considered acceptable, and she liked the thought of adding to the numbers of such 'borderline' colors now that they were permitted.
And he'd been nice, and kind; others might have selected more for size and strength, but she had appreciated how genuine he was, and that he had expressed interest in, perhaps, being able to meet their children one day, rather than being unconcerned or dismissive about the results. He'd resolved, when she had revealed that she was amenable to such a thing, to one day drop by one of the Outposts to check in on them. Had their encounter ctually resulted in cubs, she would have been waiting eagerly for that day, but as it was, she was of two minds about whether or not she wanted that day to come. On the one paw, she would like to see him again, but on the other...she dreaded telling him that there were no cubs. Psyche, being Psyche, had placed the failure squarely on herself, and would be ashamed to admit the truth. So she started to let herself assume that he would never show, that he hadn't really been all that interested, that he would forget. Disappointment in a near-stranger was easier to handle than the disappointment hat near-stranger would likely have in her.
So when she was told that a rogue was asking for her at the Outpost, she was not only surprised, but spent the whole long walk swallowed up by dread. She could have ignored it, refused to answer and let him think that she had never intended to keep her word, but that would be even worse. It was time to suck it up and face the truth. Her natural inclination was to slink along, hunched in on herself to take up less space, but she made a conscious effort to walk like a good, confident Firekin. She was a Magistrate, after all, and appearances mattered, even if inwardly she felt like curling in on herself and crying. No one else needed to know that.
When he came into view, she steeled herself and nodded stiffly. "Qalb-az-Khorshid."
His smile was light and easy, and entirely too kind. "You know you don't need to call me the whole thing." he shifted awkwardly, wanting to move forward to greet her less formally, but something in her posture and manner was very different from when they'd last seen each other. "It's good to see you again, Psyche."
"Y-You, too...Khorshid," she answered politely even as agonizing worry twisted in her gut. "I..." She couldn't just leave him hanging, she knew he would ask sooner rather than later, but how did she say it? After a painful moment, she finally blurted it out: "I didn't have cubs."
Oh. Oh. Surprise warred on his face with disappointment, but both soon gave way to guilty apology. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I-" Was it his fault? Oh, spirits, it probably was, wasn't it? It certainly couldn't be hers, no, he couldn't and didn't think that for even a second. "I don't know what else to say but...but I'm sorry, Psyche. I'm so sorry."
There was the disappointment she had expected, but it didn't linger long, replaced by a guilt that looked very similar to how she felt. "You...you're not upset?"
"Why should I be upset with you? It- I'm sure this sort of things happens all the time." Right? They'd just been unlucky, that was all! "I'm just...sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted." Poor Psyche looked utterly dejected, and it broke his heart. He wanted nothing more than to fix this for her, but how? It wasn't as though he could go back in time. "I...I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask, and please don't take it the wrong way if it's not, but would you..want to...try again?" It was a profoundly awkward question to ask, but it was all he could think of that might fix the problem. Maybe. Provided, you know...oh, what was he even doing?
The question caused her to wilt even further, because while it was so very thoughtful of him to offer, the time had passed. It might not ever come again, for all that she knew. "We can't. We're not...usually supposed to breed with outsiders. That was just a sort of exception, for awhile, but now that we're home, it's done."
"...Oh." The golden male sighed, falling into a long, pensive silence as he looked away from the lioness. Seeing anyone so sad was terrible, and he couldn't stand it. As he mulled it over, a reckless thought jumped into his head, and he blurted it out, "What if I wasn't an outsider?"
She looked up again, eyes wide in surprise. "You would...do that? Really? That- I couldn't ask you to-"
"I want to," he decided with a firm nod. He never had gotten comfortable in the Pridelands - why not give somewhere else to try? Besides, if it made her happy...it would be worth it.
"If...if you're sure." Psyche could only stare at him in wonder, for such kindness and selflessness. She was terrified he would come to regret this, btu she desperately wanted what he offered. Maybe even just...wanted him. "Do you know how to fight? You'll have to duel someone. Not me, that wouldn't look right, but..."
"I can do it. I will do it. Just point me in the right direction." He mustered his best attempt at a cocky grin, but it looked more goofy than anything. "I got this, promise."