just want some feed back

[aztec-ninja]

Ignorance taught in schools today
Professionals bullshit for their pay
Caring little for the effect on tommorrow
Social security to stifle their sorrow
Willing to let us go down the drain
Let us be lead by one without a brain
Some still do it for a noble purpose
Give us knowledge in hope that we will surpass
Even the greatest minds of moments past
These are the ones that ensure are kind will last

PM me if you'd like me to write you something, otherwise just post here.  

[monkkk]

they say a man is lost,
with no love,
i find it true.

i am lost in this dark world,
for to long i have lust,
but i understand this,

to love is to walk on air,
to live is like swimming the sea,
to lust is like trying to stand up while all else falls,
to learn is to find light in everlasting darkness,
to hate is like buring yourself.

you have to crawl before you can walk
walk before you can talk
talk before you can learn
learn before you can teach
teach before you can burn
burn befor you can prech  

[Zaralius]

Cool Peotry biggrin  

[SilverTalion]

aztec-ninja

Ignorance taught in schools today
Professionals bullshit for their pay
Caring little for the effect on tommorrow
Social security to stifle their sorrow
Willing to let us go down the drain
Let us be lead by one without a brain
Some still do it for a noble purpose
Give us knowledge in hope that we will surpass
Even the greatest minds of moments past
These are the ones that ensure are kind will last

PM me if you'd like me to write you something, otherwise just post here.

Watch your spelling. Your rhyming sounds forced. Some good ideas, you just need to find a better way of expressing.  

[Motorgeek]

topic is good and a poem doesn't always need to rhyme its the emotion that is felt from reading the poem that counts. Only thing i wud do is mask my words and play around with them a little more, unless what you were going for is a blunt statement.

-Cris  

[pxyvalkerie]

I really like the poems on this page.
The bluntness of the first one suits it well.

The second is just fun (yes I know it's not ment to be fun and that I can't spell but thats how I percieved it.)

Pixie  

[Korina Kitari]

SilverTalion

aztec-ninja

Ignorance taught in schools today
Professionals bullshit for their pay
Caring little for the effect on tommorrow
Social security to stifle their sorrow
Willing to let us go down the drain
Let us be lead by one without a brain
Some still do it for a noble purpose
Give us knowledge in hope that we will surpass
Even the greatest minds of moments past
These are the ones that ensure are kind will last

PM me if you'd like me to write you something, otherwise just post here.

Watch your spelling. Your rhyming sounds forced. Some good ideas, you just need to find a better way of expressing.

agreed the rhyming seems kinda forced  

[arcane magix]

i have a few but im too lazy to post them all so if u want to see u can just go to my postings in the forum thingy (im not very computer literate)  

[arcane magix]

if you want to see it but having trouble copy and paste this:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=11074249#135804866

into your search thingy(again, not computer literate)
thank you  

[monkkk]

pxyvalkerie

I really like the poems on this page.
The bluntness of the first one suits it well.

The second is just fun (yes I know it's not ment to be fun and that I can't spell but thats how I percieved it.)

Pixie

lol thanks