Letter: Stress Relief

[Alienor Kaze]

I'm not really going send this actual letter to the person (that would be too mean), but due to the fact that I had not slept for over 48 hours, I did get really angry and explode (not on this kid) for no good reason. Thankfully, I was at home and all alone in my room, so nobody really saw me throwing tantrums as I wrote out this essay just to make myself feel better.

Now that I've finally gotten some sleep and cooled down quite a bit, I re-read the letter and found it to be somewhat amusing. Hence, I decided to post it here to see what other people thought about it.

WARNING: The following contents which you are about to read contains some mild and some wildly vulgar terminologies. If you do not like cursing and do not know how to take a joke, it is highly advisable that you ignore this topic. The person whom this letter addresses shall remain strictly anonymous save for her gender.

stress relief

DEAR ANONYMOUS,

YOUR ESSAY SUCKS… BIG TIME. DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU DO NOT PRACTICE YOUR SHITTY ENGLISH, YOUR PAPER IS HAS NO HOPE IN RECEIVING RECOGNITION FROM A WARTHOG SCREWING A GIRAFFE. IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO "EDIT" IN OTHER WORDS: WRITE A PAPER THAT DOES NOT CONCERN ME OR MY INTERESTS YOUR ESSAY. PLEASE NOTE THAT ALTHOUGH COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES DO CARE ABOUT AP EXAMS AND WHATNOT, IT IS ALREADY RECORDED IN YOUR SCHOOL RECORDS AND THE APPLICATION READERS LOATHE APPLICANTS WHO KEEP SHOVING THE FACT THAT THEY LOOK SOME STUPID a** AP COURSE... BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO RETAKE THE SAME DAMN THING WHEN YOU GO INTO COLLEGES ANYWAY!!

THEREFORE I WOULD LIKE TO ADVISE YOU TO ******** LEARN SOME GODDAMN ENGLISH AND STOP PRATTLING ABOUT IN ******** WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY FLUENT AT IT! WHY ELSE THE ******** WOULD YOU LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE, ANYWAY? I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF MORON DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER PRACTICING THEIR SECOND LANGUAGE WHEN THEY KNOW THEY'RE MOST PROBABLY GOING TO BE EDUCATED IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY? AND WHILE I'M AT IT, I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT YOU SCREW TRYING TO GET INTO AN AMERICAN UNIVERSITY AND BEGIN LOOKING INTO PREPARING COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAMS FOR ******** UNIVERSITIES.

AND GUESS WHAT? THE ADMINISTRATION OFFICE MEMBERS KNOW THAT YOU'RE *******, SO AS LONG AS YOUR ESSAY IS ENGAGING, YOUR ENGLISH DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK AS THOUGH IT'S SOME KIND OF GODDAMN JANE-AUSTIN-REINCARNATE!

ALSO NOTE THAT I HAVE OTHER STUDENTS' ESSAYS TO WORK ON. STOP BEING A SPOILED, SELFISH a** AND KINDLY BEGIN CONSIDERING OTHERS WHO ALSO REQUIRE EDITING. JESUS, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO BUST MY a** AND GET ME FIRED? FINE THEN! ******** THIS s**t! I CONSIDER MYSELF BEYOND WRITING COLLEGE ESSAYS ANYWAY. I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN MONEY SO THERE!!! I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING… b***h!


MOST UNSINCERELY,

YOUR EDITOR.


P.S. I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RAT'S a** IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO SOBBING TO YOUR MOTHER TO b***h AND WHINE ABOUT THIS LETTER, BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU BECOME SOME KIND OF FACTORY WORKER IN THE MIDDLE OR IRAQ. THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO SUCKING AWAY ALL THE HOURS I COULD HAVE SPENT IN WRITING MY NOVEL. YOU MAY NOW GO BURN IN HELL.

P.S.S. AND ONE MORE THING:
DEAR MORON,
YOU SUCK... AND YOU DESERVE TO DIE A VERY SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH.

Note that I don't really swear that much in real life. The lack of oxygen in my brain at the time I wrote it and the sheer frustration at the state of the essay I was editing really blew my fuse. ^_^;;  

[iPunk_Fluttershy]

wow thats quite a colorful vocabulary sakura. lol. You must feel like a weight has been lifted off your chest or something, that was quite alot to say. Did you actually send this to them?  

[moonchie]

That was awesome. rofl
I do the same thing when someone pisses me off. I just let it all out in a letter and then I read it and if I find it funny I save it and show it to the person who annoyed me enough to write it (I don't tell them that I wrote it about them though...so it's double amusing wink ) It's a healthy way to let out frustrations. domokun  

[Alienor Kaze]

Xpunkfox28X

wow thats quite a colorful vocabulary sakura. lol. You must feel like a weight has been lifted off your chest or something, that was quite alot to say. Did you actually send this to them?

Unfortunately, no I didn't. I thought I already made this clear in the OP. neutral Anyway, I highly considered sending it to my "client" at the time I wrote it, but decided against it. I'm not as mean as most people make me out to be.

Also, as the Guild owner is called Sakura, you might want to call me "Kaze." :3

@ Munchie: Haha... maybe I should do this more often then. I did, after all, have a good hard laugh when I read it later. But if I ever meet someone else who does piss me off, maybe I'll consider your method (client or not) and then tell them that I was the one who wrote it, just to see their reaction. wink  

[FangzV]

Letter too long for me to read.
But I got the outline.

It's mean, but it's ******** hilarious. xD  

[Pachelbel Canon]

I'm confused. Do you edit college essays as a job, or do you write entire papers for college students? sweatdrop It says in the letter you consider yourself "beyond writing college essays" but in other parts you refer to editing them... I guess I have no idea what it is you do XD

Anyway, just curious. I do the same thing, writing over-the-top angry letters and never sending them is a great way to vent.  

[DarkerFairytaleDreams]

thats quite amusing very colorful language....made me chuckle a little inside  

[Alienor Kaze]

aprilness

I'm confused. Do you edit college essays as a job, or do you write entire papers for college students? sweatdrop It says in the letter you consider yourself "beyond writing college essays" but in other parts you refer to editing them... I guess I have no idea what it is you do XD

Anyway, just curious. I do the same thing, writing over-the-top angry letters and never sending them is a great way to vent.

I edit them. But the papers I look at are so poorly written and their authors don't know jack s**t about English so though I'm not actually writing their paper for them, I edit their papers to the point where it's equivalent to me writing them.

@ Fangz: biggrin

But I've got funny lines like: "Warthog screwing a Giraffe" and "Jane-Austin-Reincarnate!" gonk

@ Andraya: Thanks. whee  

[YukaSilkenFur]

Nice job. It's always good to rant once in a while. ^^

Also, I noticed you mentioned you're writing a novel. Congrats. I am too. ^^
Just out of curiosity, how far along are you and do you ever have trouble writing because what you've written suddenly looks horrible to you? (If you've had this problem, please tell me how to deal with it. ^^; )  

[MonsieurSponge]

I have the problem of exploding at people rather than onto paper. Haha.

Nice job. :0 'Twas very fun to read.  

[Alienor Kaze]

YukaSilkenFur

Nice job. It's always good to rant once in a while. ^^

Also, I noticed you mentioned you're writing a novel. Congrats. I am too. ^^
Just out of curiosity, how far along are you and do you ever have trouble writing because what you've written suddenly looks horrible to you? (If you've had this problem, please tell me how to deal with it. ^^; )

I know. It's actually the first rant I've had since three years! Looks like I had a lot of unknown, pent up rage hidden somewhere in the deep abyss of my soul. O_O

And yes, I am currently writing a novel but it's on hiatus because I'm helping IEC-level students with their college essays (that's where my main frustration lies as once I get an idea, I keep going for a week and I can't get my ideas down on paper).

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "how far along I am." If you mean in it in the sense of how far I am with my novel, I haven't really gotten that far. I wrote about 350 pages before I read over it and thought it was complete crap, so I'm currently editing my first and second chapter. If you asked the question wondering how much experience I have, I've been writing stories ever since I was eight and have been writing stories for thirteen years now.

To answer your second question, there have been many times where I'm writing my story and it suddenly sounds incredibly stupid. If it's not your final draft, don't worry about it and keep writing until you feel you've hit a writer's block. Try reading through what you currently have down and ask yourself if the concept is worth continuing. If you feel that it is, try giving it to someone else and asking for their opinion before going on with finishing it off.

I hope this helps. biggrin

@EggaxSponge: I don't like getting into arguments and since I like to call myself fairly patient, I tend to bottle things up before writing down a torrent of not-so-nice words regarding what I'm mad at. ^_~

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it, though I'm pretty certain the person I've addressed wouldn't have been so happy if she saw it. sad  

[Officer Hot-Pants]

Flame, much mrgreen ?
You certainly have the talent!

And yes I did, in fact, ROTFLOL at that. I'm now getting weird looks from others.

EDIT

neutral And if I happened upon a warthog (be it the jeep or the animal) screwing a giraffe, I'd probably stop paying attention to anything else if only out of sheer dumb-strickeness.