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What kind of poetry do you like? |
Dark/Sad |
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58% |
[ 7 ] |
Angry |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
Love |
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33% |
[ 4 ] |
Happy |
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8% |
[ 1 ] |
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Total Votes : 12 |
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:49 pm
I am going to post a lot of my poetry and would love people to give me some feedback. I am constantly trying to make my styles better, and I cannot do it alone. So please, please, please!!!!! Help me out.
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:50 pm
This was for my Grandfather's funeral. This is for a person dear to me A letter of appreciation A simple note An ode of gratitude Made for someone special
Written in the darkest ink Are the wonderful memories My own memoir about someone dear About everything wonderful shared.
Every smile shone Like a bright summers day My own little escape Where I could stay Feeling like I was special And like I was a gift Though sometimes I felt otherwise
I want to thank him For making life seem A little less dim And thank him for All that he did
There are not enough words to explain The amount of pain we all feel There is no rhyme That could possibly catch This moment in time.
We all have memories of this life Of this person we all held so dear And though, to the world it may appear As just another man, and another death WE know the truth.
My grandfather, who was A man, a hero, a husband, a friend Will always be remembered by me As the person always holding my hand And speaking of the world, And its mysteries.
This day is a thing I dreaded For this time, goodbye Will last forever.
But I want to thank you Grandfather For living for me, And making this world a better place. I want to thank you, For listening to me, When I thought the world had turned away. I want to thank you grandpa For loving me with your whole heart And remembering that everyone has flaws. Thank you for loving me just the more for those flaws. Thank you….a million times thank you, For the things that will live on in our hearts And our minds For all of our lives.
I hope you know That I will always remember you For as long as I live.
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:51 pm
Here is another one... I'm trying to understand why this feeling inside Is suddenly so out of hand? Why is the world seeming to crash down bearing its weight Making me drown In the agony of being alone even as I stand in a crowd
How is it that my heart is leading from love to lonliness and ripping my soul to pieces when its saposed to be putting it back. Why can't I learn how to say goodbye Why has my heart turned on me?
I'm trying to, get it all off my chest push away the feelings But I know that I have to share and must be prepared for people to not understand But why is it now that no one can see there is a deeper pain withen me and everyone is tired of hearing my words And I am alone once more.
People say they understand but they can't comprehand there is a pain inside that won't stop and no one trys at all To ask me why I frown so much and understand love for me is a must and no one will ask Why I cry each night thinking of the things that were once right Like the way I could talk to him when I was sad the most When I could see him and not feel so lost.
I wish I could tell people the extent of my pain and tell the person, the one guy I trust That I love him the most. But can't anyone see, that I will never get this off my chest Because the man who will listen, will still never understand.
So why does it seem now, that the world is crashing down and why am I once again drowning in the ocean that I thought I had swam out of? Why is it so painful, now, that I am so in love? Even though over time, I knew nothing more would come from the feelings I want to give.
I wish I could tell him, make him understand that all my world is crashing Because I am without him All the trouble with friends, all the lonliness inside is because I can't tell him I will love him for all time.
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Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:36 pm
Aww...will someone please comment? I am really in need of some help///
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Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:08 pm
littleblackcat3 This was for my Grandfather's funeral. Hello your poem is very moving and very touching. You have done well. It captures the love between a grandfather and a grand daughter Your second poem is very lovely. It shows ( to me) of a young girl or boy, searching for understanding in a world of peers. I can also see it as a young girl or boy, searching for love and trying to be heard. Your poems are not dark or sad. They are both beautifully written. You have done very well.. Bare in mind this is my opionion. Someone else might feel differently. Keep it up. Happy writings PEACE
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 3:05 am
ok. I love poetry myself so I am gonna give some constructional criticism or whatever its called.
-too long for being un-rhythmatic poems Your poems are long. now this is not a bad thing (i highly praise a good long poem). the problem is that you have made a long poem that doesn't sound like a poem at all, so its more of a dull choppy monologue. a boring speech.
-no rhythm -no form -no any kind of structure what so ever Rhythm, form, and structure are what make poetry unique. Yours does not sound like poetry because it has none of those things. poetry has to be musical. it is "musical" because of how it has a beat, a rhythm, like music. that's what makes it fun to read. yours lacks rhythm (or any kind of structure for that matter -there are no patterns or anything), thus is not musical, thus does not sound like poetry, but simply a really choppy paragraph. your poem also has no form, no structure, no consistantsy in its lay out. its completely free lance. your stanzas are all different sizes and lengths.
-lacking sufficient amount of rhymes for non-structured thing you only have occasionally rhyming words. now, a poem does not have to rhyme. it's the rhythm that makes a poem. so that's ok. but when you are already lacking rhythm adding more rhyming adds more structure to it. although you are better off fixing form.
hmmm oh yes that's right. you'll probably argue that it's a free-verse poem. but even free-verse needs SOME sort of rhythm/specific structure otherwise it is just not poetry but a choppy paragraph. and I have read good poems that had no structure, however, all of them were short and rhymed. I have an example but I'm too lazy to go and get it now. I'll come back and edit later...
anyway I realize I was harsh, but believe me I do love and enjoy poetry. your poems were still beautiful and meaningful and that's the best kind smile
oh and btw, I posted one of my own poems earlier today. go and rate it biggrin . you can even put a 1 as revenge for my harshness mrgreen
Sweet Days! xd _Secret_Angel_3 heart 4laugh
OK i just went back and read the boyfriend thing. its really not as bad as I make it sound, but that doesn't mean your out of the water just yet. I still think you lack in rhythm, form, and structure.
do forgive me. its 3 am here and I'm not really concentrating while I read...
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 8:59 pm
*eye twitches a little at angels comment*
i'm sorry dear but i must make my rant on what you've just stated. for one, poetry is Not required to be "musical" or follow rhythm and rhyme. there is reason for the catagory known as "spoken word poetry", i am a poet and well known around the houston area out in the major sceens for my dark poetry... even if people dont care for it i do it because its fun... some of the greatest poems in history have neither rhyme or rhythm to them. and, and... *end rant* yeah now my lack of sleep and exaustion from work is kicking in... anywho no need to be an english guru just to be a poet, we write there for we are. Poets.
h-town poet: Darkness
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