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 Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:58 am
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I think I made a thread about funny stuff you come across like a year ago, and I didn't feel like going that far back. So here we go again.
This first one is a joke that was emailed to me. Maybe you've heard it... maybe not. It have me a good laugh and that's saying something for me. Here ya go.
RETIREMENT BONUS
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a
bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two
points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His
head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a
bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured
from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with
$96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when
asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie
to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the
measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which He
did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where Are
your testicles?'
The old Chief calmly replied, ' Vietnam'.
Hope you laughed!
Now, SHARE SOME DAMMIT!
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Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 9:49 am
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Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:08 am
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Keeping with the semi-military thing above, I'll post another similar funny.
The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked DELTA 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?
Ranger Option
Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.
Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and boots inspection.
Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing Jody cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.
Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their face cammo, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.
Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the DELTA 747 probably would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.
Special Forces Option
Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team (all SF units are divisible by 12 for some arcane historical reason) however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.
Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team.
Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in.
Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.
Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); most of the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The DELTA 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.
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Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:35 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:34 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:40 pm
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Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 12:51 pm
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Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 5:00 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:59 am
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