How do you feel about Abortion?

[TieselGirl09]

I know that I'm not a favourite for creating Topics as my last one went bust but...
My ''friend'' has just found out that she is pregnant and she would like to keep it but she's worried as her and the fathers familys have alot of problems in them like depression, diabetes, autism etc.
She is also scared what their familys would say and feels that their parents will put pressure on her about abortion and she doesn't think she could cope of be a good enough mum for her baby.
She has made her mind up that Adoption is not a possible option because she would have to live with guilt of not wanting her baby and that the child would eventually find out and she wouldn't want that and is highly considering abortion.

What would you do in this situation??

Discuss:
Pregnancy,
Abortion,
Adoption,
Genetic Problems,
Forced Abortion,
etc...

 

[Taeryyn]

I'm not female, so I'll never be in that situation. Your "friend", you say? :

It's "her" call. I think abortion should be a last resort, but who am I to decide what's best for someone else?

All babies have the potential to experience health problems later in life, though. *shrug*

If "she" truly isn't ready for a baby, that really only leaves two options: adoption or abortion.
I know several people who were adopted, and for the most part, they are fine with it. One guy found out when he was 25, so obviously that was a bit of a shock, but his concerns were more with his adopted family having lied to him.
I don't know how things are in the UK, but the waiting time for an adoption here are long. Like, years and years long. Of course, that generally only applies to healthy babies...

Anyway, best of luck to your "friend"?

This would probably be best suited for IDD (in-depth discussion), since it is something of a hot-button topic...  

[TieselGirl09]

That is actually quite true Tae. She feels awful about the thoughts of abortion or adoption, she really wanted a baby but now she is she is having serious second thoughts as she just doesn't feel like she is ready. She told me and a couple others but she can't bring herself to tell her babys father because of what he might say and she's scared of how he would feel about it as they haven't spoken about having a family or stuff even thought they had been together for a year and 2 months.
How does your friend feel about being adopted?


(Can you move it for me as I don't know how sad )

 

[Sanzoskitsune]

In all honesty, I can't tell your friend what to do. I don't even know what I'd do myself in this situation. The final decision is hers and its probably best if she spends her time researching what the best option is for her. In the end the decision is hers and hers alone.  

[TieselGirl09]

I've told her to visit friends who had children at her age or go to a counceller to help or something but she will have none of it. I'm really worried about her. She either lays in bed all day watching telly and eating junk food depressed and the next minute she's on the net or out with friends drinking or smoking weed pretending that nothings wrong and I don't know what to do.

 

[Sanzoskitsune]

O_o okay she doesn't deserve to have a child. Doing that while pregnant is just asking to have your kids have problems. Honestly... I'd want to ******** beat her head in if I saw her doing that.

oh and your poll is... ah... I dunno an abortion isn't good or bad it just... is.  

[wakusei]

TieselGirl09

and the next minute she's on the net or out with friends drinking or smoking weed pretending that nothings wrong and I don't know what to do.

Sounds like she's opting for a miscarriage then anyway, so I'd at least opt for the more medically safe option of abortion....
Girl definitely doesn't sound like a mother.

Adoption would mean her having to actually take care of the baby while pregnant at least. She has to be willing to do at least that much for the kid.

Sanzoskitsune

oh and your poll is... ah... I dunno an abortion isn't good or bad it just... is.

Truth.

The options should be more like "pro-life" and "pro-choice." saying abortion is good is like saying you're pro-abortion...which no one is... neutral  

[God-Raped-Me]

My first question is how old is she? If she's 16 or younger she needs to abort. Her body and mind can't handle having a child. If she's older it's her choice.

I myself could never send a child away for adoption simply because of the eventual mind ******** they'll have. If the adoptive parents tell the child that they're adopted, the child will go through the "Why didn't mommy want me? Was I not good enough?" and thoughts like that. Then there's the ones who don't tell the child about adopting them. That child will go through life thinking that their parents are their biological parents until the day the parents die. The child then gets to go through all the hidden paper work and sees "OMGWTFBBQ?!?! I was adopted?!" Then they get the worse mind ******** possible, the thought that they're family was a fake family. In time they may come to the realization that family is family no matter what, but I never want any offspring of mine to ever have those thoughts.

Abortion, I've considered it with all my children. We were actually really close to aborting Dante, but I got that gut feeling that he was a boy and if I aborted I would never get my son, so I kept him.

 

[Taeryyn]

God-Raped-Me

I myself could never send a child away for adoption simply because of the eventual mind ******** they'll have.

Not everyone who's adopted goes through a "********", though. You can't predict what will or won't happen if a kid gets adopted. It depends entirely on the parents...just like the lives of kids who weren't adopted.

However, if she's drinking and smoking and being stupid about her health, there's a much higher chance that the kid will have major health issues. How likely is it that the kid will get adopted if it's disabled in any way??

If she can't be responsible for 9 freaking months, then adoption probably isn't her best option.  

[TieselGirl09]

She's 18 and called Fay. She never usually do drugs but the pressure drove her mad with all the family problems she has at the moment, I still think that she's ******** stupid for doing it but she will not listen to me and she's driving me mad. She doesn't want to go through with the adoption because she knows in the end that the child will grow up and want to know why she didn't want it. The father wants it but doesn't think he can cope bringing it up on his own, which is a reasonable first thought, but she said she won't let him do that anyways.

@Wakusei: She is soooo motherly it is unbelieveable. Whenever she goes round a friend's house and there's kids there or her cousin comes over with her children, if you didn't know her you'd think she was the mum.

@GRM: I've seen a picture of Dante. He is gorgeous, congratulations.

@Sanzo: Scream at her maybe... But beat her head in? No. For the clear fact that I'd be worried of hurting the baby.

 

[Sanzoskitsune]

I said, I'd feel like beating her head in not that I'd actually do it. And considering that she's doing drugs while she's pregnant she obviously doesn't give a flying rat's a** about the baby. I don't care how she acts with other kids, if she can't handle not doing drugs for nine ******** months, she doesn't deserve to be a mother and if she had kids she'd probably be a shitty a** mother.  

[wakusei]

Sanzoskitsune

I said, I'd feel like beating her head in not that I'd actually do it. And considering that she's doing drugs while she's pregnant she obviously doesn't give a flying rat's a** about the baby. I don't care how she acts with other kids, if she can't handle not doing drugs for nine ******** months, she doesn't deserve to be a mother and if she had kids she'd probably be a shitty a** mother.

Indeed.

I don't want to act all judgey-judge, but usually those meant for motherhood tend to know how to take care of themselves first, which clearly this girl is not currently doing. They also tend to be responsible enough to better ensure they don't get knocked up before they're ready. If you know you can't support having a kid, you're probably not ready to be having sex.

And you know...yeah a lot of kids who are adopted do have to wonder why their biological parents gave them up, but if they're adoptive parents are great, they still grow up loved and well-adjusted. To not want to go through with that option out of fear that the kid will wonder why she didn't want it honestly can come across as being sort of selfish on her part. It seems like she just doesn't want to have to explain to the kid one day that she was once an immature girl who ******** up. But that's what happened, so she might as well own up to it.  

[God-Raped-Me]

Waku, Like I said They'll usually get over the whole "why not me" thing, but I can't stand even the remote thought that maybe a child of mine would have that thought.

On the subject of the friend, I didn't read that she was on drugs. I agree that she should get rid of the poor thing. I got lucky that Lydia and Guin didn't come out ******** because I drank booze when I didn't know I was preggers.

 

[Thaliat Everwood]

Hm. Well if it were me in that position with those concerns, I would choose abortion. Carrying a child to term for 9 months or so and dealing with all the side effects of pregnancy if I knew I wasn't going to keep the child seems like wasted suffering...especially since I am not the type to add to the population of "unwanted" children waiting in foster homes. I suppose if there was already an adoptive family waiting for the child and I was aware of the arrangements, it would be different...but that is the only exception that would have me willing to suffer for 9 months for something that I receive no benefit from.

As for your friend, it is her choice, but there is no shame in aborting a pregnancy. Well, I believe there is no shame in it, but if she follows a religion that forbids it, it is up to her to decide what is more important to her. And if she is going to keep it, she needs to lay of the drugs and booze.

wakusei

The options should be more like "pro-life" and "pro-choice." saying abortion is good is like saying you're pro-abortion...which no one is... neutral

I am "pro-abortion by choice". I'm not planning to get knocked up, but I like knowing I have the option to abort if something goes wrong. I won't force anyone else to choose abortion, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone tell me I have to carry an unwanted fetus for 9 months just because the pill and condoms don't stop the sperm. My body, my choice. No body else's...just mine. If I want kids, I plan to adopt. I have no desire to curse a child with my family's history of odd illnesses/diseases and such. talk2hand  

[124-C]

Thaliat Everwood

...

wakusei

The options should be more like "pro-life" and "pro-choice." saying abortion is good is like saying you're pro-abortion...which no one is... neutral

I am "pro-abortion by choice". I'm not planning to get knocked up, but I like knowing I have the option to abort if something goes wrong. I won't force anyone else to choose abortion, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone tell me I have to carry an unwanted fetus for 9 months just because the pill and condoms don't stop the sperm. My body, my choice. No body else's...just mine. If I want kids, I plan to adopt. I have no desire to curse a child with my family's history of odd illnesses/diseases and such. talk2hand

I feel that the choice is made at the opportunity for conception. Once you let him put it in you (or choose to put in her) you've made the choice that there is a possibility that you'll end up with a kid. You can use all the contraceptives you want, but if you're ultimately not prepared to deal with the baby, then you shouldn't be ******** around.

Also, if you have no intention of ever bearing children, then why don't you get your tubes tied? Seems to me it would be a lot less stressful, physically and mentally, than having an abortion should the "need" arise.