|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:11 am
Today my boyfriend of almost 11 months broke up with me over a rumor. We were together for 9 months than we broke up for 2 weeks, during those two weeks i went out with someone to get over him but it didn't work out. My boyfriend and i got back together. We were fine and great and no fights we were happy and then some one his friends told me i slept with the dude i went out with while we were broken up(apparently it happened a while ago and he heard now). He calls me and starts accusing me and he choose what his friends said over me! This has kinda happened before except his friends said i was flirting with all these guys..even though they guys are my friends and i wasn't flirting. He didn't believe that i didn't do it. and now he says we are done for good and im devastated. I am not eating my problems away if anything when im upset and depressed i starve myself. i want to find a way to prove to him im telling the truth, i want to be with him, but he won't let his jealousy go.(he is super jealous cuz i have a lot of guy friends. not cuz im a slut, but i used to be a tomboy. so im more comfortable around guys, and im considered one of the guys.) I just don't know what to do anymore, i didn't do it..i didn't.. i just want him to believe me.
BTW im 16..
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:28 pm
First of all, do not starve yourself. Its not your fault in any way that you got broken up with, but I can think of some underlying reasons why your boyfriend got so mad -
If you guys had a fight and you said "No, I didn't, no I didn't" then sometimes it makes the other person think you're being defensive.
So, you really need to talk to this guy and clear the air. And if you can get a hold of whoever his friend was, talk to him too.
But you really need to watch your words and body language around guys.
If you're standing with your legs spread and putting your hands on your hips, a guy will think that you're challenging them and they're likely to get angry.
So instead, make direct eye contact with them when either one of you talks and keep your legs together. Sometimes, putting a hand on someone's shoulder can even calm them down.
As for the actual words that you speak, one of the best ways to 'fight fair' is to put yourself in their shoes (Jealousy is a human emotion that comes from a mixture of fear and anger. Your boyfriend was probably afraid when he found out that you were dating someone else because maybe he felt inferior to the other guy.)
Also, talk to both of the guys by using a lot of what are called 'I - statements / messages.'
They sound like this:
I feel [feeling] when [you did this] because I want [something]
Example:
I feel angry when you make me do my homework because I want to go outside and play.
And theres an opposite version of it too - reflecting them. They sound like this:
I heard you say you feel [feeling] when [I did this] because you want [something]
Is that correct?
Example:
I heard you say you feel afraid when I don't exercise because you want me to stay healthy. Is that correct?
So heres what you do not do as a reference:
"You always make me wash the dishes,"
"You're such a lazy pig, you never help out,"
and "I wish you could do something nice for once in your life."
So, 'I statements' make the other person more able to put themselves in your shoes, and vice versa. Let the other person speak and listen to them, because maybe you can find a compromise of some sort.
Best of luck, hope I helped!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
