Coping with sad news...

[Thaliat Everwood]

Out of the blue one of my friends calls me. I haven't heard from him in months. He lives on the west coast, but is now on the east coast. He was upset because his wife passed away over the weekend and it was his mother who found her body because he's been out of state for a few months. No one knows what happened, so there is going to be an autopsy. He has no answers, just the awful news. I feel really bad for him, but the only things I seemed to be able to say were "oh my god" and "are you OK" and "I'm so sorry for you"... I started to sound like a broken record.

What am I supposed to say to him? I have no idea how to help him through this. I suck at these situations. I need advice, fast!

I don't know if any of you have been through this, or just have any suggestions. My family just tends not to talk about the passing of relatives, we are just left to cope on our own...I don't think that is really healthy, but that's just how it is with us. So now I don't know how to help my friend because I have no experience.  

[Erverain]

Well, don't be afraid to say that. You can actually tell the guy that you have no idea how to comfort him.
I mean, can you really even imagine what the guy must be going through? His wife dies while he is tied up with work, and they don't really know how. All sorts of horrible scenarios begin to flood into his mind, including but limiting to the rabbit scenario (they die if they get too lonely) and potential mind-shattering circumstances that the wife would never be able to live down (something horrible like rape, adultery and becoming with child from another man, or some form of psychological torture that took place over time). Since this has never happened to you, me, or the average John Q. Public, there is absolutely no feasible way you can accurately soothe this. At least, not until the autopsy comes back.
...Of course, now that I think on it, what was he doing out of state without his wife anyway? Is he military, or business?
(Forgive me if I happen to stir things wrongly, but this is how my brain tends to follow these type of things. I'm a bit of a pessimist, you see.)  

[Phaeton]

Not everybody knows what to say in situations like this. Other than giving him your sympathies there isn't anything you can do.  

[Kalstolyn]

Honestly there really is nothing you can say that will make things any better. Just being supportive and available for him if he needs to talk things out is probably the most helpful thing you can do. Trying to find something to say usually ends up with awkward platitudes that do more harm than good.  

[Thaliat Everwood]

Erverain

Well, don't be afraid to say that. You can actually tell the guy that you have no idea how to comfort him.
I mean, can you really even imagine what the guy must be going through? His wife dies while he is tied up with work, and they don't really know how. All sorts of horrible scenarios begin to flood into his mind, including but limiting to the rabbit scenario (they die if they get too lonely) and potential mind-shattering circumstances that the wife would never be able to live down (something horrible like rape, adultery and becoming with child from another man, or some form of psychological torture that took place over time). Since this has never happened to you, me, or the average John Q. Public, there is absolutely no feasible way you can accurately soothe this. At least, not until the autopsy comes back.
...Of course, now that I think on it, what was he doing out of state without his wife anyway? Is he military, or business?
(Forgive me if I happen to stir things wrongly, but this is how my brain tends to follow these type of things. I'm a bit of a pessimist, you see.)

He's in Georgia for work. She'd been out to visit him on and off, so it wasn't like they didn't get to see one another, but her job was on the west coast, and he isn't going to be in Georgia permanently. She didn't want to give up her job and they needed the money.  

[palnoki]

A passing is always tough, most people that lose someone who touched them greatly are usually just feeling the saddness of the void in thier soul. They are so muted to life that most anythign won't really cheer them up or affect them emmotionally. You can only be there for them and sometimes just being there in silence for someone is still powerful. The person will most likely keep running through thier mind, everything they loved about the person and will most likely be lost in thier own thoughts as that is where they feel is the only place they can reach out and be with the person that died. Doing activities to show the person they are still loved and if the person wants to talk, try to keep the conversation at thier pace and let them control it to see what they want to talk about. that's my best advice I think you can do to help someone in that situation