Advice?

[TurtIe Tracks]

Okay wow this is really embarrassing but here I go.

I am the smart child in my family. My older sibling got into a very good school but my parents think I'm a genius. <__< (which I am not, by the way) I have been really busy this year and my grades kind of went skydiving. But anyway my parents think my older sibling is mentally unstable so my younger sibling and I are considered the good children. (Although my parents still love my older sibling, it's not like they're evil or abusive or anything.) My mom (think of like your stereotypical asian parent except no hitting.. just a lot of screaming) has been very upset because of my grades (I don't blame her) and I just have to get so much done but I don't have the time so this one time I had to turn something in and I said I did but didn't (because if I said I didn't my mom would go nuts, but if I tried to finish my mom would go nuts because I would have passed curfew) and now she knows and is extremely angry. I would like to just tell her how I am feeling but anything of the sort only ends with her going on about how she had it so much worse when she was a kid and her parents didn't love her but she still wasn't as bad as I am and she did everything she was supposed to and was always very respectful. It is impossible to reason with her, because once you start getting logical she will express how kids shouldn't argue with their parents. I don't have any clubs or friends I see in real life outside of school so I'm basically just stuck at home with my mom angry/ignoring/yelling at me.

I think she's convinced that I am also mentally unstable (if I do anything improper she will tell me that I am crazy and is a mental illness... and she is quick to believe people are mentally ill, she constantly says someone has "psychological problems.") Overall I am in a bit of a slump right now, and while I'm sure things will get better in the near future I don't think I can go through another two years of living here with my sanity intact. But my parents aren't unfair at all, they pay for a lot of educational things (such as summer camp) so it doesn't feel right asking to go to boarding school or something. Soooo... does anyone have any advice? I know my problems aren't that bad compared to other people's here haha but being a youngin' there isn't really a lot I can do on my own. (Sorry about the horrible writing in this wall of text. sad )  

[Shram]

The only thing that comes to mind for me, is if you have an aunt or uncle you can talk to about it so that you can bring them in the talk to your mom with you.
then follow up with a reasonable reason for going to boarding school.

Being unable to finish homework due to overly imposed curfew followed by being blamed won't work in any case.  

[TurtIe Tracks]

All of the relatives I know other than my parents are either dead or can't speak english. sad And I understand my mom being upset. I'm afraid she will be mad at me forever (which is possible given the situation with my older sibling) but it is very likely that she'll get over it within a week, though she will like me less. The thing is that this happens all the time (except I lie very rarely, it's more about other things).  

[Shram]

TurtIe Tracks

All of the relatives I know other than my parents are either dead or can't speak english. sad And I understand my mom being upset. I'm afraid she will be mad at me forever (which is possible given the situation with my older sibling) but it is very likely that she'll get over it within a week, though she will like me less. The thing is that this happens all the time (except I lie very rarely, it's more about other things).

I doubt she'll like you any less, though this does sound somewhat serious, do you maybe have a school councelar you trust? or some other trusted adult?  

[Trish the Stalker]

Sometimes you just have to smile and nod at your parents. My mother wasn't always reasonable and I just learned to deal with things at my own pace, regardless of whether my mom thought I was a slacker or lazy or whatever. Eventually I grew up and moved out and it didn't matter anymore.

Just try to calmly reassure your mother that you're trying your best and you aren't trying to spite her. If she still thinks you are then that's her problem. And yes it's not easy to think of it as not your problem, but your life is yours, not your parents. They're not the ones who have to live it.

-Formerly La Belle Isolde-

 

[TurtIe Tracks]

@Shram: I don't know, she has recently seemed to simply stop caring about my older sister. I know she loves her, but I don't think she likes her.

@Trish: That's basically what I try to do now (I used to get all logical) and things blow over, if I had only one year left I think I could do it but I think I will go nuts before two pass. :/  

[Shram]

It seems though that until some oppertunity arrives your only option is to do as trish said.
=/  

[Arcanas]

Oh, I just LOVE how Asian parents get all bent out of shape when their kids grades suffer...

Here's what I did. I handed my mom my pencil and school books and told her "If you want my grades to be up here, then you can do the work"  

[Jafthasleftthebuilding]

...

You're Asian!? D8>

Ask for extended curfew so that you can complete your shizzle.  

[TurtIe Tracks]

Hahahaha nice reactions. razz

@Shram: crying

@Arcanas: You did that?! O__O My mom would disown me or something. xDD But I have always wanted to say that... I'm impressed :O

@Jaft: Half, my dad is white. But yeah. xD The curfew is only really in place when my dad is away, because my mom feels like she cannot go to sleep when one of us is up and my dad can't stay up in her place.  

[God-Raped-Me]

Sounds rough! Unfortunately parents will always think whatever their minds convince them to think. What you Need to do is find an escape. Maybe a quiet park, deep in some woods or even just a walk around the town, something that helps center you. Now being burdened with work this will be hard to do. However I found, when I was younger anyways, that just getting out and venting in to yourself was a great way to clear your mind so you could think of other things. It's like recharging your batteries.

In short, parents during the teen years suck no matter who you are at some point you're going to want to get the ******** away from them, it's a stage to moving out on your own, so get away from them however you can. Go somewhere you like and that you find relaxing and let your mind wander onto whatever thoughts you want them to.  

[Arcanas]

Well, once...

My mom didn't talk to me for a while after that. Then, she realized that (after getting my next report card) if she got off my case, I'd do better...her constant nagging stressed me out, and caused me to do not so well in school.  

[TurtIe Tracks]

Thanks for the stories/advice/encouragement. :') I'll try the "escape" thing. It's nice knowing that other people here have gone through similar things. Thank you again. biggrin If anyone else has any other ideas please feel free to share them!  

[Trish the Stalker]

I have some learn-from-example advice too. I was going so nuts from my mother that I decided to go stay at a friend's house for a few days without telling her (essentially running away). Well that made her so mad she disowned me for almost a year, and while I was away from her constant nagging I suddenly found I couldn't rely on her for things. My grades slipped and I dropped out of classes. My mom eventually cooled down and I came back home in a heap of tears.

Just remember, no matter how insane she makes you that she does love you. If you forget that you have the chance of screwing yourself over so hardcore that you'll never be able to fully repair the damage.

If you can get your mother to talk with you reasonably about school when she is not making arguments (as in before she gets grades or anything to get upset about), even if it doesn't accomplish much in the long run, it may make her think about it at least a bit. My mother would always get off my case when I just told her what was wrong outside of screaming matches, even if it only lasted a week at best.

-Formerly La Belle Isolde-

 

[emmmahy]

Well, I think you should just say something on the lines of: "Mom, we gotta talk" and when she does the mental illness thing or interupts with lots of arguments just something on the lines of: "Mom mom mom mom mom [one long word smile ], listen will ya?" and then smoothly explain how you need the curfew to be lifted (or just moved up a couple of hours) because you just can't make it happen in such a short period of time.

Just get her to talk to you, and negotiate something out, and if she says something on the lines of "well that computer/mac/cell phone/internet/gaia/ps3 is drawing you away from school" (which I am sure she probably will say) just say something like this: "Mom, I an not a robot. I need that time to relax" or whatever.
Good luck with that.