Surprise! It's a boy. (How the hell did this happen?)

[Taeryyn]

I'll start off by saying that I don't like kids. I've never felt the least bit parental, and the idea of having children makes me shudder. Do. Not. Want.

But...as some of you guildies know, in the past year I've sort of become the unofficial guardian of a minor. It's a long story, so you may want to skip down to the spoonfeeding.

Josh, who turned 16 a few months ago, is the youngest brother of a girl that I used to live with. (I lived with this girl and her girlfriend until 2 months ago). I got to know him when he was 14, when he'd come over to visit his sister. Everyone in the household adored him because he was such a sweet kid. At the same time, we worried about him because the situation at his home was kind of messed up.

First and foremost, at 15, Josh was still in grade 6. Due to anxiety issues and severe bullying, he refused to go to school, and would not keep up with his schoolwork. So he was several years behind. He had absolutely no friends. At the time that I met him, he was not even in school, he was technically being home-schooled.

However, home-schooling was not successful because of the major issues his parents have. This is a family that looks picture-perfect to people on the outside. They have a lovely home, two nice cars, and live in a nice neighbourhood. The mother stays at home, and often entertains her friends, while the father has a good job and supports the family.

The thing is, both Josh's mother and father are alcoholics, although they somehow manage to function. They put on a nice show for the neighbours and their friends, but are angry, belligerent, hateful drunks when no one else is around.

Even before Josh lived with us, we would get calls from his mother, who was looking to "talk" with my roommate, Josh's sister. She would sob and scream into the phone, and sometimes show up here and make a scene.

Anyway, although the situation had been pretty bad for years, it declined even further when Josh came out. His parents reacted extremely poorly, and accused him of all kinds of things. "You're making this up to hurt us!", "You've just been spending too much time with your sister!", etc, etc.

It was around this time that Josh moved in with us. His parents essentially kicked him out, so he came to live here with his sister, her girlfriend, our other roommate Steve, and myself. It was crowded, and Josh had to sleep in our den, but he was glad to be out of his parents' home.

Right from the start, it seemed to fall to me to be the responsible one and to get everything sorted out, even though he wasn't my sibling.

I'm the one who contacted the nearest school to arrange for testing, so he could start class again. I'm the one who helped him with his extra school work to get him caught up. (He tested really well, and is now only a year behind where he should be.) I also was up with him every night, helping with his normal home work. I met with his teachers and the school counsellors, cleaned up the house, and met with social services to make sure everything was on the up-and-up. I've taught him to cook, and I've gotten him into counselling to deal with the multitude of problems he developed while living with his parents. (OCD and self-harm being the primary problems)

Now, while I was working my a** off to try and get this kid sorted out, his sister and her girlfriend seemed to be doing everything they could to sabotage it. They'd buy him alcohol and get him drunk on weekends. They'd pester him into smoking weed with them, even though initially he didn't want to. They wouldn't lift a finger to clean the house. If they were cooking, he could go for a week without eating a single vegetable.

I don't mean to demonize his sister. She had a lot of her own issues to work through, and she wasn't any more prepared to deal with Josh than I was. His sister loves him very, very much; she always has and always will, and as much as I resent her for making the situation harder for me, I have never doubted that she loves her brother enormously. She's a product of the same dysfunctional household, and she had to deal with it on her own. She didn't get to move out at 15.

Now, things got extremely bad when I was in the hospital for a few months. He went from doing quite well in school to failing grade 9. He was suspended from school and nearly expelled because he came to school drunk. He was getting high with his sister almost every night. He alienated some of his new friends with his behaviour, and stopped seeing his social worker. Although by this time, he had turned 16, so there wasn't really anything that they could do about it.

When I finally came home, he was a wreck. If I tried to talk to him about what was going on, he'd freak out and scream at me that I wasn't his parent, that what he did was none of my business, and that I should ******** off and leave him alone. He cheated on his boyfriend, who was one of the first people who befriend him when he started school again and had been 100% supportive of him. >.<

It was so, so beyond frustrating. I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed. I never wanted to be a parent, and here I was, only 23 myself and trying to deal with a teenager.

His sister and her girlfriend moved out not long after that, and Josh opted to stay with me and Steve, which I welcomed, despite the fact that he had been acting like an irresponsible brat.

(I swear, I am trying to wrap this up, I know it's probably the longest post I've ever made here.)

Now, here we are in August. Josh went to summer school and did well enough to pass into grade 10. He's had a part time job all summer at a convenience store nearby, and has managed to save up a little bit of money. We've established some rules, and he's no longer drinking. He's started seeing a counsellor again, and he's eating a healthy diet. He even has been helping around the house. The kid apologized to me for what he had said, and has started to repair things with his exboyfriend. Essentially, he's turned things around really well and fairly quickly. There are still issues, but he's working hard on them, and things are a lot less stressful.

So yeah, ATG. I'm really proud of him. >w< He's not mine, and I am more of an older brother to him than a father (since we're not that far apart in age), but I think this must be how parents feel when their kids do something awesome. I know there will still be some rough times, but I think we can get through it.

SPOONFEEDING TIME!
-Are you a parent? How about an older sibling?
-If not, do you want to be a parent someday? Why or why not?
-What do your kids do that makes you proud? (By "kids", I mean offspring, younger siblings, kids that you babysit or teach, little nieces or nephews, etc.)
-What do you think is the most challenging part of parenting?
-Do you think you'd be a good parent?
-What makes someone a good parent?

Disclaimer: I am going to say right now that I am NOT a good parental-type figure. I am happy that things have turned around lately for Josh, but that's as much due to circumstance and his own work as anything else.  

[Jafthasleftthebuilding]

I am going to say right now that I am NOT a good parental-type figure.

If you didn't just completely fabricate the entire story up above, the above statement is a gosh darn lie. The tale made my eyes water. Josh's story should be made into a Lifetime movie, ya know? ;D

I'm glad you didn't give up, especially during the times your hard work started to become undone by the actions and influence of others. It's an inspiring story that gives hope to the reader. And that feeling of pride, I have a similar sort of feeling when I'm able to follow the instructions correctly for putting something together or overcoming a boss fight in a video game when I handicap myself. ;P

I'm not in a parental role myself, but I've done my part to "raise" my three male cousins for since the first was one born. Of course, two of them entering the teenage years, they're going through the phase of where they only want to do their own thing, so recently, unless I wield my metaphorical "big stick," the little one and I spend time with each other. During the course of their lives, I've changed my fair share of diapers. I'll never forget how. I never really understood the baby powder techniques though. Ahaha.

As for something they've done which makes me proud of them... Well, the eldest chose to be a cheerleader and is sticking with it successfully. Maybe it's more of being impressed, and if he can continue being a cheerleader during the school year, I'll wear my hat and take it off in honour of him.

So down the road, I plan on becoming a parent, assuming I find a willing participant to mate with and produce strong offspring. Yes, any and all children of mine will have a martial arts background. The house would turn into a ninja academy. It'll ease my worries as a parent if my children can defend themselves. *nod*

I'd be a terrible parent, but hopefully the wife can be the nurturing one, I'd be the school of hard knocks. Not child beating, but I'd teach them the life lessons I've learned... after taking away their iPhone 6x or whatever will be out. =P

I'll just name one quality of a good parent that I saw in you: perseverance.  

[Taeryyn]

That's really cool that you're involved in your cousins' lives like that. I was never really close with any of my cousins, and most of them lived far away. Kudos to the one who's a cheerleader, that's pretty tough.

And I have only changed a handful of diapers in my time, and that was more than enough for me. Dx Seriously, man, you wanna talk about perseverance...I could not handle that on a regular basis. Give the emotionally unstable teenager over diaper duty.

Oh my. I just pictured a household of little Jafts and Jaftettes, ninjaing around and bouncing off the walls...xD

On another note, I sort of feel like I demonized Josh's sister...

To be clear, she loves her little brother very, very much. And she had to deal with the same household, which I think explains why she has her own issues. She just...er...maybe needs to do some growing up. sweatdrop  

[Jafthasleftthebuilding]

It's not too late to edit the first post. :3  

[Taeryyn]

Very true. I can't stand the girl, but we all make mistakes. (And I have made a LOT of mistakes, regarding Josh, not to mention my own life.) She wasn't ready to take care of him any more than I was.

Anyway. *Wanders off to edit the massive first post.*  

[wakusei]

Tae is such a good human being... crying  

[Taeryyn]

I'm really not. sweatdrop Believe me, there were a lot of situations I could have handled better.  

[Xikrai the Risen]

Taeryyn

I'm really not. sweatdrop Believe me, there were a lot of situations I could have handled better.

No ones perfect, and I think overall it sounds like you've handled it very well. You don't have to win every battle to win the war.

This story is very aww inspiring. I'm 22, 23 in February and I'm trying to keep my situation in line. I would never be able to help someone out like you have. I don't even know if I could without being in college and such. Seriously, my hat is off to you Tae. This has been one of my favorite things to read in this guild like ever.  

[YukiOfTheMightnightHour]

I almost teared up, I'll admit, but most of all I just want to shake your hand. I takes a lot of courage to do what you did. And even though it seems that the sister did not do much to help, it was not becuase she didn't love her brother, she just lacked the courage at the time to be able to really help him. You have quite a bit to proud of. 3nodding  

[Taeryyn]

I'm much more proud of Josh than of myself. After the stuff that happened when I got out of the hospital, I basically threw up my hands and gave up. I told him there would be rules, but I didn't seriously expect him to buckle down and follow them.

It's not like I could punish him if he didn't smarten up, which was a point he made while yelling at me. I could have kicked him out, I guess, but he and I both knew that would never happen.

He's the one that deserves the praise. It would have been much easier for him to ignore me and to keep partying. Instead, he did some thinking, decided that he was unhappy, and started working on it.

When I was his age, I was making a lot of the same bad choices, but I didn't really even try to help myself. In a lot of ways, he's more mature at 16 than I am at 23.

He's just a really great kid, and he deserves some normalcy, finally.  

[YukiOfTheMightnightHour]

Kudos to Josh!!!! heart heart 4laugh  

[Jafthasleftthebuilding]

I bet this would be a terrible time to start yelling out genital parts. ;D

I second that kudos.  

[YukiOfTheMightnightHour]

Depends are they crude nicknames or scientific names of parts? ^_^