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 Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:05 am
This a story I've been writing for awhile. I haven't shared it with anybody yet and have been rewriting in recently. I have about three chapters done, but only one typed at the moment.
WARNING: THERE IS SOME LANGUAGE IN THIS, IF YOU DEEM IT UNNECESSARY JUST IGNORE IT PLEASE, IT'S JUST THE WAY I WRITE. I FIND IT MORE REALISTIC THIS WAY. I plan on using only on thread for the whole story. I'll post the latest date that it was updated in the title so every time I update the story you'll know. You may discuss the story so far with me or others in this topic, actually I encourage it. Give me ideas, help, suggestions, or just speculate with other on what might happen next. This is my first written story though, so I am a beginner. I will post each chapter into separate posts. If I'm going to post a chapter I'll post a reply asking you not to post for awhile while I update. So if I post "UPDATING! PLEASE DO NOT POST!" then don't post ok, thanks 3nodding Anyhoo, I'll be posting the first chapter now.
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:08 am
Chapter 1
"Bone, Organs, Blood" Walking casually at a good pace a teenage boy walked toward the back doors of his school, glad to be leaving. He stood at ruffly 5'11" and was about averagely proportioned. He had nothing very special about him, he wore a gray hoodie with a worn pair of jeans. Black trimmed glasses rest on his face with straight hair just above his eyes. Glancing behind him, the boy walked up to the double doors. He was a sophomore this year at high school and was constantly on the hit list of two seniors. The boy sighs with relief that no one had followed him. As him he opened the door however, hid relief quickly subsided. Something smashed into his gut and sent him to the ground as the air rushed out of him. He felt himself being dragged away from the doors. "I can't believe you thought you could avoid us by going out the back doors," the boy was sure he knew who it was. "Worked for awhile though," this came from a second person. Not surprising, it was the two tormentors the boy despised, Kevin and Yosh. Both a little above average build. Kevin was two inches tall then both Yosh and him. The only distinguishing feature of the two was Kevin's faux-hawk, otherwise they looked like your typical high school jock. Trying to stand up the boy was hit with a sloppy left hook by the biggest of the three boys. "Damn, that felt good," the attacker said. "Hey we gotta get going man," Yosh said. Kevin gave a last kick to his victim's gut, "Alright, let's go."
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:10 am
Having built up endurance from those two's ridicule, the teen got up slowly and dusted off his clothes. He check his lip were Kevin had punched him and winces, it's swollen and bleeding. They usually don't hit him that hard but he seemed unfazed.
"You must be getting tired of that." Whipping around, both surprised and confused, he sees the origin or the voice. He relaxed as he recognized who spoke, it was Claire.
“Oh it’s just you. Have fun watching the beating?” He asked coldly.
“That’s not why I watch.”
“Then why?” he snaps. The girl looks at him coolly, the look in her eyes tells him she knows what to say but wants to word it carefully, as if to hide something.
He studies her. She was sitting on a small wall extension that was about fix feet tall, the girl herself was just above 5’6”. A black skirt fell neatly at her knees and her legs where covered by gray leggings. Her gray tank-top was covered over by a long-sleeve fishnet shirt and her hair was a dark blue, almost black, and went down to her lower back.
He liked her style, but he could never afford fashionable clothes. Being a punk or a goth, he figured, was pretty expensive. Still he had to admit, she looked good. She looked up at the sky.“I’m just…waiting for something.”
“Ha, for what?” He blurts, “Every time I get my a** kicked, every time you watch, and every time it’s the exact same thing.”
With this the young girl jumps down next to him and raises her finger to silence him. “Wrong,” she says bluntly, “things may be similar but nothing is ever the exact same.” She looks him in the eyes, “never the less, I don’t think it’ll happen again.”
“Right, how exactly?” he replies sarcastically. She doesn’t reply but just looks at him for second and then…she smiled. From what he knows about her, she never really smiles. She’ll laugh and smile when she’s having a good time, but giving a real smile is different and she did just that. His eye follow her as she walks away.
“OK, what…the hell?” he stood there for a while and looked at his phone, 4:30. “Crap, I need to hurry.”
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:11 am
He rings the door bell. An elder woman and a young child come to the door.
“You’re a little late,” the lady states.
“I know, I’m sorry, I was held up.”
She grunts, “Tell your mother to pay for this month by the end of the week.” She rushes the little girl out the door.
“Yes mam,” he grabs the little girls hand and smiles at her. She smiles back as they walk away. They arrive at their house and he puts some Mac ‘N Cheese on the oven and then walks over to her.
“So Elsy, how’s my favorite little girl?” she looks up from her coloring book and smiles at him. The boy smiles back even though he feels a little disappointing. He loved his little sister more then anything, but something is wrong with her or so the doctors say. She’s almost six and hasn’t said a word in about two years, right after the accident with their father. Ruffling her hair, she giggles, he stands up and serves her the food then sits down to draw a little.
Before he realizes it, it’s almost seven o’clock and her mom’s boyfriend would be coming home soon. He only nice to them whenever their mother was around, but she was working late and without her he was hell. The boy put his notebook and pencil on the coffee table and turns the TV off. Elsy looks at him confused.
“Let’s go upstairs and play the Gamecube together, “ he tells her. Instantly she grins and stands up. She loved playing games together.
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:15 am
As they walk past the front door ‘He’ walked in. The older brother held his sister’s hand and shows no emotion as they walked toward the stairs.
“Ain’t you happy that I’m home?” the man chuckled.
“Whatever.”
“Smart a**,” the older male retorted, “you should respect your elders.”
“Respect is earned,” the boy cut him off.
The man grabbed the boy’s shoulder and spun him around, releasing Elsy’s hand. “You know, I got half a mind to whoop your a**.” The smell of booze from his breath was almost unbearable.
“Like before…oh wait, I fell down the stairs last time didn’t I.” The man grabbed the teen’s collar and pulled him closer, tearing it slightly.
“Listen you…” he stopped as a plastic toy hit his side. He looks at the little girl standing defiantly toward the elder man. Throwing the boy backwards he steps toward the girl and smashes the toy beneath his boot heel, “Stupid brat!”
“You touch her and I’ll rip you god damned throat out!” the boy says as he stand up.
“Think you’re a hard a** now?” the man asks as he turns toward the boy.
“Heh, thinking’s all I need to do to beat you,” the boy exclaims.
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:17 am
Quicker then he realized, the man backhanded him and he fell to the floor. Elsy ran toward him and grabbed the man’s leg, naively trying to stop him. She tried pulling him away while she started crying. “S…st…STOP!” she stuttered. The man shrugs her off and she stumbles backward. She trips and the back of her head smashes into the coffee table corner. Falling to the ground, she goes limp. The boy looks up and sees blood beginning to form on her head. He felt his heart stop and began to feel strange, as if his sanity had just split. He clutched his head and began to scream, suddenly he stops and goes still. The man says something, but the boy hears nothing. With sickening speed he leaps upon the man, crashing him to the ground. Uncontrollably he digs his fingers into the man’s side and chest, blood beginning to flow freely. He grips the man’s throat and tears it out with a swift motion, almost gracefully. “V……va….” He snaps his head up at the voice. Seeing the little girl slowly walking over to him. He stand up and looks at her, she’s trembling and he smiles pleasingly. “V..Val,” she exclaims as she runs over to him suddenly and hugs him. “B….brother.” He jumps back at the sound of his name and looks at his hands, covered in blood and chunks of flesh caught in his nails. His nails must have become severely strong for he sees bits of bone as well. In a spit of rage and confusion he runs out the door, faintly hearing a little child’s voice screaming his name.
End Chapter 1
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:56 am
OMG intense really for some reason the boy remnds me of u hun i dnt know why lol
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Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 11:43 am
xXJericoXx OMG intense really for some reason the boy remnds me of u hun i dnt know why lol i could have put elements of myself into the character, i'm not sure really, when i start writing it goes along
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:53 am
I love it biggrin . u need to proof read alittle bit, but all is well and i like how u put action in the first chapter that really catches the reader. if you right a book and its as good as the first chapter i would buy it. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:12 am
Lil Tiger Chick I love it biggrin . u need to proof read alittle bit, but all is well and i like how u put action in the first chapter that really catches the reader. if you right a book and its as good as the first chapter i would buy it. 3nodding many thanks blaugh , proof read how? as in spelling or sentence structure?
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:20 am
G0TH1C G33K Lil Tiger Chick I love it biggrin . u need to proof read alittle bit, but all is well and i like how u put action in the first chapter that really catches the reader. if you right a book and its as good as the first chapter i would buy it. 3nodding many thanks blaugh , proof read how? as in spelling or sentence structure? well the only one that popped out at me when i was reading was in your last post of the chapter you said " He snaps his head up at the voice. Seeing the little slowly walking over to him" i think u met the little girl* slowy. and u can proof read by reading it over and/or having other people read it.
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:25 am
Lil Tiger Chick G0TH1C G33K Lil Tiger Chick I love it biggrin . u need to proof read alittle bit, but all is well and i like how u put action in the first chapter that really catches the reader. if you right a book and its as good as the first chapter i would buy it. 3nodding many thanks blaugh , proof read how? as in spelling or sentence structure? well the only one that popped out at me when i was reading was in your last post of the chapter you said " He snaps his head up at the voice. Seeing the little slowly walking over to him" i think u met the little girl* slowy. and u can proof read by reading it over and/or having other people read it. really, haha, i read over many times and i missed that, that's kinda funny, fixed it though smile
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:29 am
G0TH1C G33K Lil Tiger Chick G0TH1C G33K Lil Tiger Chick I love it biggrin . u need to proof read alittle bit, but all is well and i like how u put action in the first chapter that really catches the reader. if you right a book and its as good as the first chapter i would buy it. 3nodding many thanks blaugh , proof read how? as in spelling or sentence structure? well the only one that popped out at me when i was reading was in your last post of the chapter you said " He snaps his head up at the voice. Seeing the little slowly walking over to him" i think u met the little girl* slowy. and u can proof read by reading it over and/or having other people read it. really, haha, i read over many times and i missed that, that's kinda funny, fixed it though smile i do the same thing all the time xd
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Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:52 am
Lil Tiger Chick G0TH1C G33K Lil Tiger Chick G0TH1C G33K Lil Tiger Chick I love it biggrin . u need to proof read alittle bit, but all is well and i like how u put action in the first chapter that really catches the reader. if you right a book and its as good as the first chapter i would buy it. 3nodding many thanks blaugh , proof read how? as in spelling or sentence structure? well the only one that popped out at me when i was reading was in your last post of the chapter you said " He snaps his head up at the voice. Seeing the little slowly walking over to him" i think u met the little girl* slowy. and u can proof read by reading it over and/or having other people read it. really, haha, i read over many times and i missed that, that's kinda funny, fixed it though smile i do the same thing all the time xd haha me too
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Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:26 pm
dang, i was kinda hoping more people would read this stare
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