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Alright my lovely little children, this is my Mary Sue thread! Here we can discuss what exactly a Sue is, what makes a Sue, how to prevent Sues, and most importantly, this is a place to have me scrutinize a character for Sue-like tendancies! I have experience with Sues, so I hope I will be able to provide you with help!
If you wish to have your character checked out by me, please fill out the skeleton below. If you fail to do so, I will not check your character.

~*Name*~

~*Age*~

~*Appearance (post a picture or describe their hair, eyes, skin, clothing, birthmarks, etc)*~

~*Race/Species (depending on what fandom, roleplay or original story this is for)*~

~*Hobbies and Talents (please also indicate skill level for each hobby)*~

~*Likes*~

~*Dislikes*~

~*Background Story*~

~*Personality*~

~*Tell what roleplay or fandom this is for. If it is an original story, please explain story.*~

~*Any supernatural powers (whether they are commonplace to the story/rp/fandom or not)*~

~*Free Space! Add sexual orientation, birthday, relationship status, etc! Just don't leave it blank ;D*~

Now, I will reply to your post reviewing your character. I will give some hints and a few things that are good or bad. Please use acceptable grammar!
Uh...I think that is everything! Start showing those profiles! whee

~*Name*~

Paul Alberone

~*Age*~

~17 Years

~*Appearance*~

Dark brown hair that is cut medium length, so that it's not a buzz-cut, but isn't able to flow in the wind either. His eyes are a lighter shade of brown than his eyes. He has white skin, but he has a slight tan due to the amount of time he spends in the sun. I haven't really described what he's wearing, and I really don't want to, because I'm really bad with clothing descriptions.

~*Race/Species*~

White, human.

~*Hobbies and Talents*~

Before meeting Alya (and getting swept into an adventure), he was fairly average boy. He really didn't do much, but he does enjoy gazing at the stars and enjoying the natural quiet of a summer night.

~*Likes*~

Alya
Star-gazing
Quiet

~*Dislikes*~

Large crowds
Noise

~*Background Story*~

Before he met Alya, he was a normal high schooler, with only a few friends. He was often picked on, but was on friendly terms with most of the adults in the town. He lived with his mother and sister in a small suburb atop a hill overlooking the main town.

~*Personality*~

He cares strongly for anyone that is close to him (his mother, sister, and Alya) and is quick-witted and level-headed enough to be able to outmaneuver his enemies.

~*Tell what roleplay or fandom this is for. If it is an original story, please explain story*~

It's for Aqua. Paul is the main character. He meets a mysterious girl Alya after saving her from a sinking raft. A mysterious man named Luther starts to try and attack Paul so that Luther can have Alya as his wife.

~*Any Supernatural Powers*~

None.

~*Free Space!*~

Hmm... Well, he's straight, because I'm not really a big fan of yaoi and that sort of stuff. In the dream which inspired me to write Aqua, Paul was originally a nameless man in a brown cloak who would always wear his hood over his face, making his face unviewable. For some reason, this appearance reminded me of Paul Atreides from Dune, so I named him Paul in the story.

-----------------------

So, what's a Sue?

A well thought-out character. The fact that this character was not always a girl is very interesting and unusual, I like it. While the fact she is an orphan is a rather overused concept, it seems like it would work out well. Just don't abuse it. Anyway, doesn't seem all that bad of a character. Just don't screw it up when you're writing.

Whoa whoa whoa. She's human? Um, unless normal humans have these crazy abilities in the story, that a Mary Sue quality to have these strange characteristics. Is her name entirely made up, or is it foreign? (By foreign, I mean a country like Russia or South Africa or something.) Hmmm, the best friend thing is kind of mundane. But her body type is very interesting. I like that she isn't perfect. Her hobbies are cool.
Okay, don't panic. Sue is starting to get to your character. Just fix her up in some spots, maybe it will start to look better!

~*Name*~

Po Lein

~*Age*~
39

~*Appearance*~

He has dark brown hair that is tied back with a red band, his bangs covering his brow. A scar runs down the right side of his face, but he still has both of his brown eyes He wears a tattered white coat with a red shield bearing a white cross on the right shoulder. It has special enchantments to allow him to have some resistance to magical attacks and a few physical attacks; it also protects him from the cold a lot better than it looks. His clothing beyond that changes depending on the climate of the area, but currently due to meteorite impacts the entire continent is experiencing a harsh winter, so he dresses warmly. However, he makes sure it does not inhibit his movement. He generally wears fingerless gloves, when it is warm, but because of the weather, he wears leather gloves. Underneath his clothes, if one is fortunate (or unfortunate in some cases) to see him without them on, he bears a huge scar that coils around his body along with smaller ones that are connected to the scar on his face. At his waist are two swords--one is your typical sword and the other is an Elemental Blade, or Eleblade for short. He prefers his normal blade over the eleblade, which he dubbed Hoken, because he has used it ever since his first adventure, when he was 18.

~*Race/Species*~
Human

~*Hobbies and Talents*~
Hobbies- Traveling(21 years)
Talents: Swordplay(31 years), Pyromancy(21 years), Superior Speed (explained in his history), able to take charge.

~*Likes*~

Po is a huge family man, and will often speak of his children and wife--a half-elf. He also is very loyal to his friends, so one could say he is also fond of his friends. He also has a natural urge to help others, and loves the feeling afterwards.

~*Dislikes*~
The reality that his family is practically broken. He blames himself entirely for it. He may not like the truth, but it does not mean he didn't accept it. He has, but he wants to fix it.

Po also holds a grudge, like all people from Parth, against the country of Vostroya for destroying their home and invading. There is the exception of one man from that country, though.

~*Background Story*~

The Holy Knights of the Vatican have a dossier on Po Lein that is fairly detailed, as they had their eye on him ever since the first adventure he had at he age of 18, when he volunteered to go on a mission nobody else wanted to go on. Being just a foolish child, his motivation was that he wanted to get out of guard duty and become an actual knight. However, t clear up questions about Po's history before then, here is an account of his family history:

A long time ago, to the south in the archipelago of Iapani, Princes Tetsu and Tatsu Lein were the only sons of the emperor of the country. Parth was one of Iapani's trade partners, and one day, Tatsu met the daughter of a trader and fel in love. To make a long story short, their marriage was not accepted and Tatsu was forced to give up his inheritance to the throne and was exiled from the country. Lein's mother took Tatsu back to Parth, where they began their family. Tatsu befriended the king of Parth at the time, and was allowed to work in the military and received enough money to afford an education and training for their son, when he would be old enough.

When Lein was 18, he was living in the barracks of the guardhouse in the capital city. As said arlier, he volunteered for a misison many did not return from. It was to destroy a small meteorite, which crashed sixty years ago, that was corrupting the wildlife around it. The mission took place during the winter and took half of a year to complete. During this time, Lein and the small squad he sent with picked up others who wished to destroy the meteorite. Two of these women gave Lein training that would carry on for three years after the mission. However, it was here Lein exhibited a proficiency with fire magic. Although most believe elves to be the only ones able to use magic, humans can use it as well; it only takes one time to tap into it to be able to use it. However, during the final moment of the mission, Lein was severely wounded by the parasite queen, who had used a human host as a protective shell. Once it lost the shell, it wrapped its arms around him and tried to saw through him at every angle. If it weren't for the thick weights in the vest he wore at that time(his weight training is why he is so agile and fast-moving), the blades would have cut right through his chest. However, he eventually became the only assumed survivor of the initial squad. This was proved false, when the mage of the group, and one of his lovers, revealed herself to be alive three years later.

In the years after the mission all that is recorded is Lein was knighted. Three years afterwards, we learned Lein was on a personal journey. When he arrived at the Vatican, he proved himself even more capable as he and two of his companions (his whole party consisted of at most 10 people) were able to protect the Pope from one of the archbishops that was a disguised Demon. It is known Lein finished the demon off, but the method is unknown. Upon being asked, during his service, he remarked that he would never be able to replicate it. It is forever a mystery for the Holy Knights. He also participated during the Lunar Festival's(the equivalent of New Years Eve, in this world) tournament. He cleared the preliminaries and as a test, we pitted him against one of our own. We did not know that our knight, a woman named Kalifa(she was from the desert country of Lita), had a history with Lein. Aparrently, she had beaten him in a previous Lunar Festival tournament--there is a junior league for children ages 13-16. She used the Eleblade of Air against him, and despite a clear disadvantage, Lein managed to win by employing unorthodox tactics. After the Lunar Festival, we lost contact with him once more.

Sixth months into the new year, Lein's name appeared in our list of married induviduals. When the Pope learned of this, he invited Po to join the Holy Knights as a source of income. The motives were ulterior, however. The Pope believed the parasite from the meteorite was not destroyed and that it was burrowing towards the center of the earth, where the Soul of the Word--the True God-- was. If the Soul was corrupted, it would be a disaster for everyone in the world. Lein became the youngest captain in Holy Knight History thanks to his history prior to the Knights and because of his knowledge about the meteorite. He was given the Eleblade of fire and was put at the head of 3 other Knights, one of which was Kalifa. They all had an eleblade. During his investigation, Lein went into the mountains and mysteriously disappeared. According to his report, he was put under a spell that put him in suspended animation(he was fully conscious, however), which would explain why his body has hardly aged in the 16 years that have passed.
___________________________

That is the end of the report, as the Holy Knights were destroyed along with the Vatican, when Vostroya invaded Parth. Po's last order to his squad was to split up and to give them to new holders, as they cannot fall into the hands of Vostroyans; he believed they were too high profile to use them. Po kept his sword solely because one of the men he met a year ago, a Vostroyan named Arkady, helped him save the world. Arkady was part of the strike-team the faced the Parasite Queen one last time. However, the Soul of the World was lost, and to save it, one of Po's companions used the soul that shared her body to become the new Soul of the World. What became of Po's family, however? Well, during that journey, Po realized that he needed to fix a lot up. The only person who truly accepted him without much resistance was his daughter; he has not forgiven himself for not being there for her and her brother, who HATES him.

At the end of the adventure, the Leins were a family for a brief time. However his son, Bo, wanted to prove himself as a man. Po went to chase after him, but that act alone ended up being what drove his wife to simply disappear. His daughter then went her separate way as well. It has been a year since Po heard from his daughter that his wife disappeared. His relentless earch quickly became wandering, and his determination to find her quickly became hopelessness. Currently, Po has just about given up on finding his wife and became a drifter.

When nine meteorites crased into various spots around the continent, Po found himself at the front lines again. This time, the threat is big, and he can't do it alone. So far, the only person joining him is a a Grigori (think hawk-woman) named Kristina Felne, who weilds a Pendant of Fire--something from the continent she hails from. After defeating the first "Queen," the quickly realize that while they have immense power from their elemental weapons, magic is utterly useless against these aliens. They are currently formulating a plan on how they hope to eradicate the threat.



~*Personality*~
Currently, Po's a tormented man. He keeps his mind off his family by wandering, and with the new threat, he has a whole new way to vent his bottled up anger and frustration. He hides his inne feelings underneath the way he usually acts, but there are subtle hints to his anger. He is very sarcastic, and tends to have a rather dark sense of humor.

~*Tell what roleplay or fandom this is for. If it is an original story, please explain story.*~

Well, up until now, he was in a RP series of mine. Now, he's got his own story. I figured that he's getting old for a warrior, and that he needs one last adventure that is even more epic than everything he has done so far.

~*Any supernatural powers (whether they are commonplace to the story/rp/fandom or not)*~

In this world, everyone has the potential to use magic. However, elves and half-elves are able to use it more easily and not get exhausted from it. Humans have to exert a lot of force to use it just once. However, just touching it once makes it easier to use magic afterwards. The drawback is that they get tired out easier, which is why they need relics (like the eleblades) to make it easier to use it.

~*Free Space! Add sexual orientation, birthday, relationship status, etc! Just don't leave it blank ;D*~

Orientation: Straight
Relationship Status: Separated/Possibly Single

There is also speculation that Po and Kris have a thing going on.

Royalty Stuff: After his grandfather died, Po's family was able to visit his uncle every ten years. Po is a possible heir, should his uncle die, but he has expressed no interest in royalty. His son, Bo, is next in line, and currently, one of his Uncle's elite guards is tracking his son down to protect him and try to coerce him into becoming the next Emperor of Iapani. Long story short: All Leins descended after Tatsu have a thing for traveling and love that more than anything else they can do (well, aside from being with family, in Po's case).

--- Thank you for the evaluation.

--- I'm glad you like the fact that the character wasn't always a female. Her emasculation caused a bit of commotion on her uncle's side though. They came to the conclusion that, "she wasn't looking too promising, but we'll try all the same." If she had remained a male, they might have had more respect for her; she originally showed a lot of promise in her intelligence and interest in physics. As a female; however, they concerned more over her lack of feminine assets. Having broad shoulders, an angular face, no chest, being uncommonly tall, and unable to reproduce, they couldn't imagine her being married off or ever having children. In short, they found her to be useless to them, but they'll try nonetheless to find a purpose for her.

--- I'm well aware that the orphan concept is overused and utilizing it myself made me wince a little, but it seemed like the only surefire way to ensure that she developed the personality that I laid out for her.
--- I always intended for her to be raised more solely by her uncle's side of the family rather than by her own parents. I could have been nicer and say her parents were simply never around, say they were always away or caught up in work, but that wouldn't have had the same effect on her growing up while under the care of her uncle and distant relatives. It would have made her resentful of her parents for never being around.
--- Whenever something was requested or demanded of her by her relatives such as "act proper", she would follow it to a degree that would make it negative; she would be excessively proper, a prude. Now if her parents were by chance ever around, they would have put her in her place. I did not want her behavior corrected in this manner, so they had to go.
--- Furthermore, the death of her parents caused her underlying co dependency which becomes a big necessity later in the story. Her parents weren't murdered, they didn't die of old age or even due to an accident. One died due to a physical illness that hindered her and the other committed suicide due to a mental illness. Subconsciously, she feels guilty for their deaths, and that she was too young at the time to do anything about it. She essentially feels that her birth took a great toll on her mother, making her physical illness an even greater hindrance, thus believes her existence dug her mother's grave. She's well aware that she wasn't responsible for her father's mental illness; he had that well before she came around; however, she does feel that she became a heavy burden to him, a duty that overwhelmed him, thus he committed suicide to escape it. There's no evidence that proves she had any connection to their deaths; still, it's a subconscious guilt that she represses. If anything, the lack of parents and the way her more distant relatives raised and felt about her lead to her co dependency.

--- While I was developing her earlier on, I looked at it sort of this way, and this gives an idea of the outline:
--- In general, she's cynical and criticizing towards EVERYONE. With co dependents, attempts to "help" other people almost always have elements of control in them. After she is made aware of the character, Leo, why does she approach him?
--- Being cocky, she wants to prove to this particular group of kids that Leo is not the stereotypical freak that they make him out to be. Her former school typecast her as a prude without once trying to get to know her to make that accurate assumption; this upset her, so she secretly sympathizes with him. Her co dependency could be another underlying reason for why she approaches him; having received very little nurturing, she tries to fill this unmet need vicariously by "helping" others, especially any person who appears in some way needy. After she fails to get him to say anything to her, why does she continue to address him, even after multiple failures?
--- She told this group of kids that she could prove them wrong; she can't bare the thought of returning to them and saying, "Well I couldn't get him to talk", so she persistently keeps at it, thinking it will eventually lead to him cracking. Unfortunately, her pressuring leads to Leo doing unmentionable things to her. She had every intention to inform the police, her family, so why didn't she?
--- Co dependents are willing to take more than 50% of the responsibility, guilt, and blame in any situation; she blames herself for provoking him and fears telling her family will result in giving them more reason to belittle her, so she keeps quiet and reasonably gives up on trying to persuade Leo to talk. Leo unexpectedly approaches her, asking if she had told anyone what he had done to her. Now feeling cold towards him, she refuses to answer, and he has a self-pitiful fit about being scared and shamefaced. She reflects on her father and how she blamed herself for his death. It creeps into her mind that if she does tell someone or even threatens to, Leo could become overwhelmed by the fear and shame and kill himself, and she would feel responsible for it, so she wrongfully forgives him.

I'm sorry; I just spat my character all over you. D :

I may have accdentally left some "Po" bits in the dossier bit. I wanted to give a lot of his past the dossier feel. XP The more recent stuff is when I call him b his name, as it feels less formal.

Thanks for the opinion. ^_^

Alright, let's see what you make of this girl. She's not the main character, but she is a major character, so... yeah.

~*Name*~
She actually doesn't have a name, but when she meets the MC, and he asks her name, she tells him it's Kâilar (pronounced KY-lər). Later on in the story, she confesses that she lied about her name, tells him her life story, but he still calls her Kâilar. (Because how the heck do you call someone with no name? Like, wtf?)

~*Age*~
She is about 26-ish... but she's not sure because she's pretty much an orphan. Basically, she's an adult.

~*Appearance*~
Kâilar wears child's clothes, which is unusual because she has definitely passed her 24th birthday (Lthuans are considered adults at age 24). She has no tattoo markings (because she has no family). Her clothes and lack of tattoo markings make everyone look at her like she's from another world.

~*Race/Species*~
Native Lthuan: they're an underwater/amphibious race (kind of like a cross between the Zora and the Na'vi)

~*Hobbies and Talents*~
Hobbies: sulking (very good at it), hating life (also good at that one), watching coral-ants (excels--I mean, how hard can it be?), begging (she's so freaking pro)

~*Likes*~
Watching coral-ants, floating just a few feet below the surface, watching the outside world (she's too afraid to actually go out into it, even though she totally could)

~*Dislikes*~
Other people, people who are jerks, her ville (where she lives), the zusa (elders) of the ville (who were her parents), being mocked for her attempts to be someone.

~*Background Story*~
She's the daughter of the village elders-- but according to tradition, the village elders aren't supposed to have kids (they're not even supposed to be *able* to have kids). So she's illegitimate in a way. So anyway, her "parents" throw her out when she's really young. They don't even deign to give her a name, and they hide her till they throw her out (in the middle of the night, while she's sleeping) so that nobody ever knows they had a kid. So she basically grows up begging off of people. Because she has no family, she has nobody to give her the mark of adulthood (a bracelet, for women), so she can't buy adult garb by herself. She's looked down on by everyone because she's basically an overgrown child (even though none of it is really her fault). So she's kind of stuck... but it will all work out eventually, right?

~*Personality*~
She's really really pissy, sarcastic, and the queen of snark, because of her extended childhood. She hates everyone, but she also thinks she's better than they are. But she's Lthuan, and they don't change quickly, so she's in this weird phase between good, innocent beggar child and evil, penniless reject where she is pissed at everyone and is a total b***h all the time.

~*Tell what roleplay or fandom this is for. If it is an original story, please explain story.*~
Basic story (as it pertains to Kâilar): She lives in Lthua, the water kingdom. The MC (who is a human) comes to Lthua on his quest/journey/whatever and asks for her help (even though there's really nothing she can do, he just wants to help her and it's the only way she'll let him help her). He uses just a wee bit of magic and ends up finding a couple from a northern ville (northern villes are notorious for their "radical" ideas) who are willing to act as her "parents" for her 24th birthday ceremony. The elders there also give her nomad tattoos, and she is then free to roam Lthua (or outside it). She helps out the MC until he has to go to the northern waste, where it's freezing cold and very dry. Because she's a water-creature, she'd die up there so she bids him farewell and goes back to northern Lthua. Later, Peltier sees her from afar, walking arm in arm with another one of her kind (who also has the nomad markings).

~*Any supernatural powers*~
Nope.

~*Free Space!*~
Her heart's deepest most desperate desire (like, if she looked in the Mirror of Erised, this is what she'd see) is to belong, to have people who actually love AND like her, and to someday maybe even find someone who will love her, like, forever. (She's straight, single, and doesn't know her birthday.) And I'd like to note that on the UMSLT, Kâilar scored a six (which is obnoxiously low.)