How do I forgive....?

[Katie Wildheart]

In a couple years, I'm going to meet my birth mom (I was adopted). I might also meet my birth...guy...at some point too. According to my parents, it was one of those things where my birth parents met at a house party, probably had a few drinks, and so on. My birth mom was only 18 at the time, going to school, and living with her father. Her mother had died I think only a few years before due to cancer. She gave me up for adoption because she wanted me to have a better life, and knew she couldn't provide that. I once asked my mom about her, and she said that they didn't talk much because Kathleen (my birth mom) was so caught up in being with me whenever they were together.

Now onto the guy in the picture. I guess I mostly want to meet him just out of curiosity. This is where I need help with the forgiveness part. He obviously wanted nothing to do with any of it. My parents never met him and dont even know his name. Apparently he ran off to the military and they practically had to chase him down to get him to sign the adoption papers. Oh, and if knocking up a girl at a party wasn't bad enough, he was also engaged to his pregnant fiance at the time. There are a LOT of things I could say about him right now, but I won't.

Anyway, if I do meet him, I need to know how to make sure that I've fully forgiven him so I don't do something stupid. And even if we don't meet, I still want to forgive somehow. After all, he's one of God's children just as much as the rest of us.  

[Saint Crazy The Follower]

Sometimes, there's not really a tried-and-true method to these things.

This is certainly a step you need to take, for your own peace of mind and for others. Many people never get to meet their real parents - even if they would've been terrible parents, it still would be nice to know. It's part of figuring out who you are and who you want to be.

When you meet your father, I certainly hope you choose to forgive him. Do not let anger cloud your judgment - he has made mistakes, yes, but so have you, and you still have the rest of your life to make more. Just because his sins SEEM greater than others' doesn't mean that they are. We are ALL terrible people in the eyes of God, but he loves us anyway.
If you have to let your anger out, do so; but then let your anger go. Keep your head. If forgiveness does not come right away, it may come later. But you have to keep your mind open and do not hold a grudge. He did these things a long time ago. Maybe he's straightened out, or maybe he hasn't; either way he still deserves forgiveness just as much as you do.

Maybe he will turn out to be a great friend and member of your family, or maybe not, but he will never have a chance if you don't forgive him.

You have a couple years - that's a lot of time to sort through your emotions and think it over. I hope that when the time does arrive, you will approach the situation with clarity and confidence. Until then, pray about it. God gives you strength if you are seeking it. And remember, God will not give you the ability to forgive, because you had it already. God will give you the opportunity to forgive, and /you/ have to take advantage of it.  

[faithful quenga]

Saint Crazy The Follower

Sometimes, there's not really a tried-and-true method to these things.

This is certainly a step you need to take, for your own peace of mind and for others. Many people never get to meet their real parents - even if they would've been terrible parents, it still would be nice to know. It's part of figuring out who you are and who you want to be.

When you meet your father, I certainly hope you choose to forgive him. Do not let anger cloud your judgment - he has made mistakes, yes, but so have you, and you still have the rest of your life to make more. Just because his sins SEEM greater than others' doesn't mean that they are. We are ALL terrible people in the eyes of God, but he loves us anyway.
If you have to let your anger out, do so; but then let your anger go. Keep your head. If forgiveness does not come right away, it may come later. But you have to keep your mind open and do not hold a grudge. He did these things a long time ago. Maybe he's straightened out, or maybe he hasn't; either way he still deserves forgiveness just as much as you do.

Maybe he will turn out to be a great friend and member of your family, or maybe not, but he will never have a chance if you don't forgive him.

You have a couple years - that's a lot of time to sort through your emotions and think it over. I hope that when the time does arrive, you will approach the situation with clarity and confidence. Until then, pray about it. God gives you strength if you are seeking it. And remember, God will not give you the ability to forgive, because you had it already. God will give you the opportunity to forgive, and /you/ have to take advantage of it.

I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"

I agree with this completely.

It seems your birth father thought it terms "if I ignore it and run from it, it will go away and I won't have to worry about it". that's a normal thought for many people.

I pray that you will learn to forgive your him. It won't be easy, but with God all things are possible!

... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"

 

[Katie Wildheart]

faithful quenga

Saint Crazy The Follower

Sometimes, there's not really a tried-and-true method to these things.

This is certainly a step you need to take, for your own peace of mind and for others. Many people never get to meet their real parents - even if they would've been terrible parents, it still would be nice to know. It's part of figuring out who you are and who you want to be.

When you meet your father, I certainly hope you choose to forgive him. Do not let anger cloud your judgment - he has made mistakes, yes, but so have you, and you still have the rest of your life to make more. Just because his sins SEEM greater than others' doesn't mean that they are. We are ALL terrible people in the eyes of God, but he loves us anyway.
If you have to let your anger out, do so; but then let your anger go. Keep your head. If forgiveness does not come right away, it may come later. But you have to keep your mind open and do not hold a grudge. He did these things a long time ago. Maybe he's straightened out, or maybe he hasn't; either way he still deserves forgiveness just as much as you do.

Maybe he will turn out to be a great friend and member of your family, or maybe not, but he will never have a chance if you don't forgive him.

You have a couple years - that's a lot of time to sort through your emotions and think it over. I hope that when the time does arrive, you will approach the situation with clarity and confidence. Until then, pray about it. God gives you strength if you are seeking it. And remember, God will not give you the ability to forgive, because you had it already. God will give you the opportunity to forgive, and /you/ have to take advantage of it.

I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"

I agree with this completely.

It seems your birth father thought it terms "if I ignore it and run from it, it will go away and I won't have to worry about it". that's a normal thought for many people.

I pray that you will learn to forgive your him. It won't be easy, but with God all things are possible!

... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"

I've thought of that before too. You're right. He ran from me. To him I was only a mistake. He probably begged her to have an abortion.

if nothing else, I want to meet him simply to ask him why....  

[Cha cha miku]

God said to love all and to respect your parents, Giving the fact that there your birth parents you should respect them just for giving you birth even though you may have mixed feelings about them. As for forgiveness it is easy to blame so easy almost everyone has, will, or is currently blaming someone for something, but remember God said to forgive, and God forgives us and as Christians were supposed to set a good example to others so we should forgive even though how hard it is and we should love. Being a Christian means to be Christ like and Christ came down on the earth to wash all our sins away and thats forgiveness. Baring forgiveness is harder then it seems, but everyone should forgive one another. So I will pray for you and I will keep you in my prayers. May God be with you.  

[faithful quenga]

Katie Wildheart

faithful quenga

Saint Crazy The Follower

Sometimes, there's not really a tried-and-true method to these things.

This is certainly a step you need to take, for your own peace of mind and for others. Many people never get to meet their real parents - even if they would've been terrible parents, it still would be nice to know. It's part of figuring out who you are and who you want to be.

When you meet your father, I certainly hope you choose to forgive him. Do not let anger cloud your judgment - he has made mistakes, yes, but so have you, and you still have the rest of your life to make more. Just because his sins SEEM greater than others' doesn't mean that they are. We are ALL terrible people in the eyes of God, but he loves us anyway.
If you have to let your anger out, do so; but then let your anger go. Keep your head. If forgiveness does not come right away, it may come later. But you have to keep your mind open and do not hold a grudge. He did these things a long time ago. Maybe he's straightened out, or maybe he hasn't; either way he still deserves forgiveness just as much as you do.

Maybe he will turn out to be a great friend and member of your family, or maybe not, but he will never have a chance if you don't forgive him.

You have a couple years - that's a lot of time to sort through your emotions and think it over. I hope that when the time does arrive, you will approach the situation with clarity and confidence. Until then, pray about it. God gives you strength if you are seeking it. And remember, God will not give you the ability to forgive, because you had it already. God will give you the opportunity to forgive, and /you/ have to take advantage of it.

I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"

I agree with this completely.

It seems your birth father thought it terms "if I ignore it and run from it, it will go away and I won't have to worry about it". that's a normal thought for many people.

I pray that you will learn to forgive your him. It won't be easy, but with God all things are possible!

... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"

I've thought of that before too. You're right. He ran from me. To him I was only a mistake. He probably begged her to have an abortion.

if nothing else, I want to meet him simply to ask him why....

I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"

He probably won't have a reason why, other than being scared and not actually thinking of the consequences. When you're young and immature you don't really think that a baby is a person that has feelings. It doesn't make it right, but I can understand the feelings of fright.

I can say when I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't married, I was 17rys old and I scheduled myself to have an abortion. I didn't want to have a child and in my head adoption was out. I had been saved at 11 but didn't really grow in my walk and I was far away from God at that point and even angry at him. Thankfully I felt it impressed upon me by God saying that though what I did was a sin I am going to bring into this world a gift.

Now that my daughter is 3 1/2 years old I feel terrible for ever giving something so wretched a thought. She is a delightful gift on loan from God, but that change the past when I didn't fully comprehend the consequences of my thoughts and actions.

... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"

 

[Katie Wildheart]

Thank you guys so much. I think...with all you've told me....I can actually forgive him. You're right. I just need to remember that we're all sinners, and I'm no better than he is.