The Epic Thread of Quotes

[a porg]

First off, please keep all these PG-13.

Secondly, welcome to what may be the most awesome thread in the guild. A place for you to post whimsical literary nonsense that you may have overheard or seen.  

[a porg]

"I'm just waiting for the white ranger to sweep in and start playing his flute like bwah . . . bwah bwah . . . bananananaaaah!"

"Karma blows."
"Yeah, peanut butter all the way."
*silence*
"I said 'karma,' not 'caramel!'"

"Heaven is not just some exclusive joint...I can't believe I just called Heaven a joint..."

"No... You wanna be a cat. Because you get free rent and free food and people like you"

"May the bluebird of happiness poop on your shoes"

"We live in such depressing times. There is so much death and destruction in the world. Why can't there be unicorns?!"

"I never knew how fast a Chevy could go cause the speedometer only went to 85 and we were way past that"

"Today, for those of you who are single and leading pathetic lives, know that I love you."

"speaking of squirrels...there's one! Wait...shouldn't they be hibernating?"

"So Catfish is like the BACON of the sea!"

"Watch out for the quicksnow!"

"If you lay down your life for a friend, well that's good. But laying down your life for a a loser? Whoah. That's incredible."

"J. K. Rowling...what did they write?"  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me. "

"Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?"

"You can't give a Dementor the old one-two!"

"Why were you lurking under our window?!"

"You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face- like she's got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?"

"I like a quiet life, you know me."

"There's no need to call me sir, Professor."

"Voldemort killed my parents, remember?"

"I'm going to Hagrid's. I've got a good feeling about going to Hagrid's."

"This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this."

"Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."