[PRP] Neema's Appendage (Neema & Yksivarinen)

[mouselet]

'Varinen was in the den he shared with his mate, studying the amulet he'd been given as a token when he became a Royal Guard years before. It was so strange to think that he was married, and that he was now a part of the High Class, something that hadn't even been a dream when he'd been younger. Yksivarinen had been the butt of everyone's jokes as a cub, he'd been an easy Slave to grab for whatever unpleasant duty needed doing, and he hadn't stood out as more than a punchline until he'd joined the Royal Guards.

Not that he'd done any better there. Not until Neema started talking to him.

Of course, he'd been completely blindsided when she'd asked him to marry her. Even today, 'Varinen still had trouble comprehending that she'd actually chosen to elevate him and make him her mate. He loved her, of course, but shouldn't the Shaman's sister be able to do better? He knew he could never be worthy of her, although he tried his best.

If it was hard for the monochromatic male to believe in his new status, it was equally hard for him to leave this token of his old position here in the den, gathering dust. Neema had tried to persuade him, then tried to demand, then finally just ordered him to stop wearing the amulet. He understood her reasoning, that seeing it evoked memories of Shangyue that were generally unpleasant for people. However, the amulet was much more than that, especially to 'Varinen.

As a Royal Guard, it had been the first time that 'Varinen had been able to stand before the pride as an individual, and as a person worthy of note. It was the first recognition he'd ever won for himself. Whereas now when he was...Neema's mate. Anything he had now was because of her and yes, he loved his mate dearly, but he didn't want to be an afterthought in the eyes of the pride. He needed to be more than just Neema's anything, and that was something this amulet symbolized to him.

'Varinen sighed, longing to put the necklace back on and knowing he shouldn't.  

[mouselet]

He stood there, staring at the piece of jewelry for long minutes. Every so often 'Varinen would reach out towards it with a paw, even sometimes touch its cool, smooth texture, but then hastily pull his paw back as if it had been burned. Finally, the lion shook his head at himself, acting like a cub with a forbidden object. Sighing, he put the amulet back where he kept it, out of easy sight, and headed out of the den.

He knew he should get rid of it, that Neema would rather he didn't even keep it, but she was willing to let him leave it in the den so long as he didn't wear it.

But it was so tempting! He just wanted to be more than Neema's appendage, to be himself and have an identity beyond his mate. Unfortunately, such was not his lot in life. He'd considered applying for a more specialized rank, but even Yksivarinen knew that he didn't have the right...skill sets...for any of those. So why offer himself up for even more humiliation?

The lion sighed heavily as he settled himself down in front of the den's entrance. He half hoped to see Neema coming around the bend, half despaired of her returning before he managed to get his head on straight again.  

[mouselet]

The lion was so despondent over his perceived failings that he almost failed to notice Neema's approach. Luckily the wind was with him, and a light breeze carried her scent to 'Varinen's nose, prompting him to look up and offer a smile.

That look, of course, quickly faded into confusion as his mate set a pile of things in front of him. Blinking in surprise and uncertainty, 'Varinen peered down at what now sat before him, red eyes narrowing in concentration. He saw beads and feathers, things in black and yellow and silver. The sort of colors his and Neema's children would probably show in their fur, if they were fortunate enough to be parents. The thought made him smile crookedly.

"What's this then?" he asked, smile still lingering, although now anxiety was rising to fade the expression somewhat.  

[mouselet]

Yksivarinen could only gape as Neema explained what she had put before him. He'd thought she might want...might...well, he'd had no idea what this pile of pieces in front of him was meant to be or why it was here. Which was why he'd asked. And now...now he understood.

She didn't want him to wear the amulet anymore. This had been made abundantly clear in the past. And she didn't want to just replace that with some meaningless jewelry that he could wear to feel like he wasn't half a lion anymore. So...this. This decoration made with feathers from birds he'd killed to feed the pride as a Hunter. So that he could wear it honestly and openly and proudly, as a Hunter.

It had never occurred to 'Varinen that his mate might understand how much he missed being able to wear a visible symbol that he was somebody, that he was an individual and worthy of being seen as such.

The lion rose to his feet, careful not to step on the gift, and walked over to nuzzle Neema.

"Thank you," he told her softly, eyes closed in happiness. Tears trickled silently down the fur of his cheeks.  

[mouselet]

It was a long caress, but nothing lasted forever and finally 'Varinen withdrew far enough that he could just look at Neema and smile. She seemed as happy as he felt, which just made him even happier.

The lion glanced down at her gift and then back up at his mate. His smile grew crooked and his eyes sparkled.

"So...do you think you can help me put it on?" Because he really wasn't certain how, or if he might accidentally damage the pieces trying. Which was, sadly, rather likely, all things considered.

Some things would never change.