⎾ MOROSIS ⏌

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Indeed, he had not prepared himself to feel this way over a little kiss. It had been nearly as long the first time he kissed Abel on the street and he hadn't gotten nearly as strong of a reaction. Yes, he had missed him Abel too, and all of their time shared together. So why was he able to handle that so much better than the one he had just received from Kieran? Without even needing to ponder the question he knew the answer, it was simple. Abel didn't hurt him in the way that Kieran did. As they passed Kieran to step into the lobby, Jakob walked close to Abel and reached out his hand. He was grateful as Abel took it into his own as he silently reassured him

Behind them, Kieran entered the lobby as well. Whether the male had noticed their sudden hand holding or not, he didn't say. Jakob followed him through the lobby and towards the elevators. Kieran had already pressed the call button and it wasn't long before the metal doors were sliding open. Stepping in after Kieran, Jakob remained close to Abel. He continued to hold his hand as his grew nervous. If this was his reaction to a kiss, how was he supposed to have sex with Kieran. Jakob stared at the doors, his reflection too blurred to tell if he was keeping a neutral face. Even though he tried to hide it, he was sure that he was being quite obvious.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Seeing Miguel and Abel holding hands, he could only guess something was wrong. Kirean had been given a strange reaction from the kiss he didn't understand. He thought he'd given Miguel what he wanted.

Standing in the elevator, Kirean stood beside Miguel who still held onto Abel's hand. He didn't reach out for Miguel, not sure what to do. Kirean could see their reflection in the elevator doors. Three floors up, the doors finally opened. He stepped out leading the way toward his room. Kirean fished in his pocket for his room key. He soon stopped at room 312. Kirean slipped his key into the door and unlocked it. He opened the door as he slipped inside holding the door open for Miguel and Abel.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob only had himself to blame for getting upset. He knew what he had been asking for, he should have known a kiss would likely stir up some old emotions. It wasn't just the fact that Kieran left him, but how he left him that hurt. He was stupid for thinking he'd gotten past everything. Holding on to Abel, Jakob did his best to keep it together. He stared ahead blankly as the lift rose and took them to the correct floor.

When the doors opened, Kieran was the first to leave. Jakob followed after him. The hall was mostly quieted and well lit, he continued to follow after Kieran until they reached a room with the numbers 312. Standing off to the side, he waited as the male pulled out a key card, soon unlocking the door. Releasing Abel's hand Jakob stepped into the room. He glanced around, noting the pretty standard furnishings and wall hangings. Stepping further in, Jakob walked towards the bed, and took a seat at the edge. He took another glance around before setting his gaze on to Kieran. "What do you want to do first?" he asked, plastering on another fake smile.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Entering the hotel room, it held a large king size bed, a dresser with a TV on it, a desk in the corner with a chair, and a small bench by the door. Abel felt Miguel release his hand. He followed it after him, as Kirean released the door closing it behind them. Abel watched as Miguel entered and looked around. Kirean stood off to the side as Miguel took in the space around them. It wasn't long before Miguel took a seat on the edge of the bed and questioned him. He took in the fake smile. Kirean moved toward the other side of the bed to sit down. ”Nothing…Because this isn't what you want.” He spoke calmly and plainly though he was irritated. Kirean knew Miguel was putting on a brave face and yet saw through it.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Glancing around the room, Jakob took it all in. So this is where Kieran had been staying, it was nice. Whether Abel had set this all up or he left Kieran to find his own lodgings he wasn't sure. Either way he could feel both men watching him. It made him think that his act was about as unconvincing as he thought it was. Still Jakob tried to continue. He watched Kieran move about the room to sit on the other end of the bed. When he spoke, he noted the calmness of his voice. It was then that he let the fake smile fall, unsure if he ought to apologize, lie, or make up some half-assed excuse for his behavior. He settled for what felt easiest. "I'm sorry." he said softly. Jakob felt awful for getting Kieran's hopes up. He didn't know how to make the situation better.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Kirean didn't want an excuse. He half expected nothing to happen anyways. Kirean sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Abel had moved toward the head of the bed and took a seat as well. He felt awkward just standing. Kirean soon heard Miguel apologize. He didn't think Miguel knew what he was apologizing for, just merely said the words. ”For what?” Kirean asked to see if Miguel would give him an answer.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Sitting there Jakob felt like he was letting everyone in the room down. They had made such a big deal about doing this the whole way over only for Jakob to end up getting cold feet. He felt the bed shift behind him at the same time that Abel came to sit as well. When he apologized, it was expected that Kieran would follow up with a question. "For letting you down." he said. Jakob glanced towards Kieran with an apologetic look. Turning away, he pushed himself off the edge and moved towards the other side of the room. He idly slid his fingers across the desk as he stalled to find the words. "I thought...no, I didn't think." Turning around, Jakob leaned against the desk, not making eye contact with either man. "I don't think I can go through with this." he finished, nodding his head slightly.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Kirean was hardly bent on having sex. He was surprised it even went this far. Kirean hadn't expected the conversation to turn into wanting to be intimate together. He didn't mind after all it probably would only seem strange to jump into bed together after two years apart.

Sitting on the bed, Kirean watched Miguel as he spoke. It wasn't long before he stood crossing the room. He watched as Miguel faced the other way before the desk and stroked the desk. Kirean heard Miguel speak again as he turned around but didn't look at them. He listened as Miguel spoke again, though still not looking at them. ”What would you rather do then?” Kirean asked, trying to distract Miguel.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

He didn't even know how they got to this point. One point it seemed like Kieran was asking him all kinds of questions about Abel, and then the next they were buying condoms and lube. Jakob felt as though he were letting them down by speaking honestly. Distancing himself, Jakob refused to look towards either man. He bit his lip, expecting the worst. However when Kieran spoke his words were calm. Somehow that only made him feel more guilty. "Cry." he said, attempting to deflect. The pitiful joke didn't help him though as his eyes stung with fresh tears. He swore and quickly dabbed at his eyes. "Sorry...I'm being dramatic." Taking another breath turned away once more. He hated crying in front of them like this. It wasn't fair to either of them that he got so emotional when it was his own fault for trying to do something he clearly wasn't ready for.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Kirean wasn't cruel enough to make something happen when Miguel didn't want it. He didn't understand what he wanted. Kirean couldn't help but ask. He listened as Miguel spoke, though didn't know how to respond. Kirean waited as Miguel soon spoke again then turned around. ”Did you want to just sit and talk instead?” He asked, wishing Miguel wasn't so far away. Kirean wasn't going to push the issue but he wanted Miguel to say what was on his mind.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Cruel was something Kieran rarely was. He could be mean or nasty when in the heat of the moment, but never was he intentionally cruel. Standing off to the side, Jakob tried to play his emotions only to have it backfire. He hated how much of a crybaby he had been. Not only that, by keeping it all to himself he knew he wasn't helping either Abel or Kieran understand why he was so upset. Turning away, he tried to calm himself. Jakob soon heard Kieran speak, his voice so gentle that he wanted nothing more then be held like old times and curl up beside him.

Nodding his head, Jakob crossed the room once more. Drawing up one leg onto the bed he sat before Kieran. Jakob was quiet but he knew he had to say something. He wiped at his face again, as if it would remove all evidence that he had been crying today. "It still hurts." he said softly. Swallowing, he took a few needed breaths to remain calm. "Our last kiss just before you left...Why did you break up with me like that?" Try as he might, Jakob would forget how Kieran had left him alone in that shower. Mere minutes after ******** him, kissing him. He didn't understand why Kieran had to go to such lengths. Biting his lower lip, he looked up towards Kieran. He still remembered what Kieran had said back in the bistro and how hurt he had been. Was that it, just his way of getting revenge?

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Questioning Miguel, he watched as he crossed the room to sit back on the bed. Kirean waited not rushing Miguel. He listened as Miguel soon spoke. Kirean allowed Miguel to control the conversation. He wasn't surprised though as the conversation went back to the same question. Kirean listened as Miguel questioned him. In part he had thought of revenge and couldn't help but be cruel. ”Did you expect an honest goodbye?” He asked curiously wondering what Miguel had thought was proper etiquette.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

By that point he should been used to getting by Kieran. It hadn't been the first time he just up and left him, but it hurt all the same. He didn't know why he still wanted to cling to him, there must be something wrong with him for choosing such cruelty. Or maybe it was because none of those times hurt nearly as much as the final time. Any other time he had been able to find Kieran again after some time, they would apologize, make-up, and it was like it never happened. He could convince himself that everything was okay. But that last night together, nothing could have prepared him for it. As Jakob spoke, he couldn't help going back to that same question. When Kieran spoke it wasn't sure if he was being serious or mocking him. Instead, he shook his head. "No, no I didn't expect a goodbye." he said with a sad smile. "Your phone in the trash said that for you." Sniffling, his chest felt tight as he recalled getting out of the shower. Kieran was nowhere to be found, his stuff was gone, and his phone in the trash. That was probably the most profound goodbye Kieran had ever given him.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



While Kirean was trying to be understanding, he wondered if this was a good idea. It was clear they couldn't go back. Each of them thought that day differently. They both were also stubborn enough to not understand the other person's point of view. He wasn't even sure if trying was a good idea. Kirean knew Abel and Miguel had a better connection after all they had stayed in communication this entire time. He however hadn't wanted to. Kirean had punished Miguel, by giving him exactly what he thought he wanted. To do everything by himself and suffer the consequences.

His question hadn't been serious, as he found it hard to remain calm. Kirean knew he had hurt Miguel though had yet to understand. He listened as Miguel responded, fixating though on his phone he had left in the trash. ”I didn't need it anymore and I didn't want to be found.” Kirean spoke plainly and honestly. He figured if they weren't going to ******** then talking was their only alternative. Abel remained silent as he sat there while Kirean and Miguel talked.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob wanted to understand, he was trying so desperately, and still he didn't know how to move past this. He loved Kieran and didn't want him to leave again. But he couldn't force him to stay either. If Kieran left, what then. He might have gotten along with Abel, but he knew there was no future there. He wished he could take it all back. He wished that things had gone better and that they could have done things differently. But it was never going to happen, he ******** up and now he didn't know how to make things right again. Even now he still felt as though he were being punished.

Smiling sadly, Jakob spoke honestly. He couldn't help fixating. Kieran's phone had been filled with all of their texts, their photos. For him, none of those things existed anymore. While he no longer used his old device, Jakob had kept it. He read the messages like they were bedtime stories whenever he was feeling especially lonely. Across from him, Kieran spoke again, his words calm and honest. Swallowing he nodded, he knew this already. "Well you got your wish. I never found you." Jakob turned his head as fresh tears stung his eyes and he quickly swiped at them. He sniffled a little more, giving himself some time to calm a little before speaking again. "How do we go on from here?" he asked. "I don't, I don't want you to leave again."