⎾ MOROSIS ⏌

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Kirean hadn't lost everything on his phone. He had it all backed up on his hard drive. Kirean though wasn't likely to explain that. He figured Miguel already thought the worst of him, so he let him. Kirean listened as Miguel spoke, watching as he nodded. Indeed Miguel hadn't found him as he hadn't wanted to be found. He watched as Miguel's eyes clouded with tears. Kirean heard Miguel question him as he spoke. He wasn't surprised by the question though repeated. ”What do you want then?” Kirean asked, wondering what Miguel actually wanted. Just mere words wasn't enough as it didn't explain anything.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

From his perspective, Kieran had thrown it all away, and that was what made it hurt the most. It felt as though he too had been thrown away along with those sentimental possessions. If he had known that Kieran had kept them, he didn't know how he might feel. So far it seemed sadness and confusion were winning this race as he tried his best to make sense of things. Wiping at his face once more, he heard Kieran's next question. There were few things he wanted, but familiarity was at the top of it. "You. I just want to be next to you like old times." he replied simply. Jakob understood his request was probably a bit strange. But he was tired of going in circles. If they were just going to stay broken up he at least wanted one last embrace before heading home.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Indeed they were just going in circles. However even Kirean didn't know what he wanted. He knew that trying to go back to the way they were was lost on them. After a few years apart, things had changed. Kirean questioned Miguel trying to understand. He listened as Miguel spoke though wasn't too sure exactly what Miguel wanted from that statement. To him, it could mean a variety of things; both misinterpreted as both sexual and none. Kirean reached out a hand toward Miguel wondering if he'd take it. He didn't think Miguel wanted to touch him especially after their kiss.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

If he could he would take it all back, he would have fought harder, and done whatever he could to keep Kieran in his life. But now it felt like there was nothing that be done, nothing he said reached him. He had waited too long and now they were too different. In one more act of desperation he made a simple request. Sex was the last thing he wanted. Even if he did, who would want to sleep with the someone as miserable looking as he. Jakob watched as Kieran reached out a hand, he stared at it a moment. It seemed that even a hug was out of the question. He quietly took it, squeezing it gently. Holding Kieran's hand, he met the males' gaze. If Kieran left him again after today, at least he could say he tried. He tried to be better, he tried to apologize, he tried to explain his side and admit his wrongdoing. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better boyfriend." he said softly.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Reaching a hand out toward Miguel, he'd been beckoning him closer. Kirean watched though Miguel take his hand. He suddenly felt awkward by the situation as he seemed to misinterpret what Miguel had wanted. Kirean felt Miguel squeeze his hand as he sat there. He soon heard Miguel speak, apologizing. ”I'm sorry I was a s**t boyfriend too.” Kirean commented as he reached out his free hand to stroke Miguel's cheek. He couldn't help but lean forward to kiss Miguel.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Taking Kieran's hand, it was all he could do to keep himself together. He squeezed it softly as he apologized, not expecting anything in return. As a last vow, he wanted Kieran to know how much he loved him, and would continue to love him even if they were no longer together. When Kieran spoke, his heart ached. His throat tightened as he started to crack. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks as Kieran stroked his cheek. A moment later, the male leaned closer to press a kiss to his lips. Jakob kissed him back, his free hand grasping at the hand on his cheek. "I love you." he whispered. Taking another kiss, Jakob trembled as though a chill had swept through him. The tears continued to spill as he pulled back enough only to bury his face into Kieran's neck.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Speaking toward Miguel, he reached out stroking his cheek. Kieran watched as Miguel started to cry. He leaned over kissing Miguel as he held onto him. Kirean felt Miguel pull back to speak before he was kissed again. He returned the kiss until Miguel pulled back. Kirean felt Miguel bury his head against his neck. He released Miguel's hand moving to slip his arms around Miguel. ”I love you too.” Kirean responded as he brought his lips down against Miguel's neck as he kissed him.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Try as hard as he might, Jakob could no longer hold back his tears. He clung to Kieran as he kissed him, soon kissing him back. After whispering words of love, he found himself unable to control him. Jakob wept as Kieran wrapped his arms around him, whimpering softly as the words were returned to him. His tears continued to rain down as he cried. He cried for what they had lost, what they couldn't get back, and all that he had done to make that happen. Somewhere in his sobbing he had felt the males lips gently press against neck. Jakob trembled in his arms, never wanting to leave them ever again. He would never love anyone the way he loved Kieran. He was his first true love, despite their many, many flaws.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Holding onto Miguel, he felt like this was a true goodbye. Kirean wasn't sure how things would get better between them. While he wasn't as emotional as Miguel, that didn't mean he didn't care. He held onto Miguel close. Kirean didn't want to release Miguel. He couldn't help but pull Miguel closer into his lap. Kirean brought his hands up Miguel's back. He caressed him, as Miguel trembled against him.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

He didn't want to say goodbye, he didn't want to break-up with him again. But there was no easy fix. They couldn't just slap a band aid on it and forget all the ways they had hurt one another. Even if Kieran wasn't nearly as upset as Jakob, he knew that he cared. He knew that this was just as painful and upsetting for him. Jakob allowed Kieran to pull him closer as he trembled. The hand on his back was nice but his tears continued to fall. He didn't realize just how badly he needed this, to just be held like this, and to cry for every wrong doing that helped cause this rift. Jakob slipped his arms around Kieran's waist and held tightly to him as if he might drift away otherwise.

It was nearly half an hour before Jakob started to calm down. He had all but ruined Kieran's shirt as well as his own. His trembles eventually subsided and he seemed to be just about out of tears. Still, he didn't feel much better. He worried the moment that he stepped out of this room that would be it, he would never see Kieran ever again. Sniffling, he adjusted slightly but did not want to move from his lap. Releasing one hand, Jakob rubbed at his tearstained face. His head hurt from how much crying he had done as did the spots where he'd been rubbing earlier today. Lifting his head, he turned to Kieran to press to kiss against his jaw.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Kirean hadn't held Miguel in his arms as he cried since the first time they met. He knew it wasn't this severe before. Miguel had cried from fear not sadness. Kirean wasn't bothered as Miguel continued to cry against him. He rubbed Miguel's back to console him. It was almost half an hour before Miguel started to calm down. Kirean hardly cared about his shirt. He could get another and clean this one later.

Holding onto Miguel, he didn't know where things would go from here. Kirean wasn't ready to say goodbye though he too knew that getting back together would be hard. He felt Miguel calm down, feeling him wiggle in his lap. Kirean though didn't release him. He wasn't sure he wanted to let go yet. Kirean watched as Miguel rubbed at his eyes. He could understand the pain from crying too much. Kirean relaxed as they sat there, soon feeling Miguel's lips against his jawline.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

He too remembered the first time Kieran had held him like this, right after they first met. Such a naïve kid thinking he could play along in their world. He never knew how far things would go with them or just how hard he fall for the one holding him again. Jakob cried until he could cry no more. He didn't want to move, it felt so safe and warm here. He listened to Kieran's heartbeat as he rubbed at his eyes and face. He pressed a small kiss in thanks to his jaw. It wasn't much, but he had nothing else to offer. He didn't know what else to say that hadn't been said.

Breaking up felt like the only option left as painful as it was. Thinking that only made his chest feel even tighter. Reaching up, Jakob cupped Kieran's cheek, his eyes roaming over his features like he was trying to memorize every detail. Leaning up, Jakob kissed his lips once more. He was too selfish to let go, to know what was right.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



Kirean didn't know what Miguel wanted. He wasn't sure how they could start over again. Kirean wasn't even sure if Miguel wanted to try. They could be all talk, but that wasn't the reality. He felt Miguel pull back as his hand slipped over his cheek. Kirean searched Miguel's face too. He took in the state of his red and puffy eyes. Kirean was soon greeted again as Miguel kissed him. He returned the kiss, allowing Miguel to control it though he wanted to pull him closer and kiss him deeper.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Starting over sounded nice in theory, but realistically he didn't know how it would work. Especially now that they were in separate countries. Perhaps they could try to make it work, do the whole back and forth visits every couple of months all while calling and texting when they were apart. Jakob didn't know if Kieran would want to do that. He very much doubted that he would stay in Germany. He would have to give up everything; his home, his best friend, everything he knew. Jakob was too selfish to do what was right and let him go. Leaning up, he kissed Kieran, soon feeling it returned to him. The softness of his lips, his taste, his smell. How he had missed them all. Jakob kissed him again, not caring at all if he came off as needy or desperate because he all of those things right now.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

⋮ ۩ ) • • • ❛ 𝙅𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚, 𝙅𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧.❜



The idea of moving to Germany was lost on him. He didn't know the language and barely ate their food. Kirean also didn't know what kind of job he'd go into. Clearly Miguel had been better at it, seeing as he worked at the pub. Letting go wasn't easy. He didn't have much in the way of things. Although he had people he'd miss.

Kissing Miguel, he hardly cared if he was needy. They both needed this. Kirean pulled Miguel closer against him. His hand ran into Miguel's hair as he kissed him deeper. He wasn't satisfied with the first kiss they had earlier. Kirean put everything he had into the kiss. He breathed Miguel's scent into his lungs as he savored the taste of him.