[BightstarxThornslash] Overwhelmed and confused

[caffeinecraving]

Right.... So the morning patrol was led by Thistlethrush, and she took Timberfall and.... Brightstar scanned the cats in camp. Mousedung! She kneeded her paws on the dirt in front of her den. So obviously snowdrop was in the nursery with Frostkit.... And Flamingrose was with pinepaw.... She twitched her tail, wasnt it about time for them to be made a warrior? Silverpaw too? She would have to ask their mentors what they thought.... or was she supposed to wait for the mentors to come to her. She flicked her tail more. That still didnt tell her who was on the morning patrol. Softfeather maybe? She looked around and didnt see the she cat, Perhaps. So she could send... Dapplefur.... No... wasnt Dapplefur working with Honeyfur today? But that didnt allow her to skimp on duties.... She curled her tail. Though Honeyfur had asked for help in gathering herbs so perhaps it was a warrior duty...

Wildflower could lead the patrol at sunhigh. She looked around for the cat and noticed she wasnt right available. Perhaps she was hunting.... Or herbs... Gosh she was bad at this. She should never have accepted being called the deputy. She should have let someone else become the deputy, that way when the leader died so suddenly at the paws of the Flea infested mongrels she wouldnt have had to become the leader. Her green eyes were unfocused and she wouldnt hear anyone approach even if they werent being sneaky, her mind was just so wrapped up in trying to think. And there was also Rockclan to deal with. She gave a heavy sigh, much too heavy for such a young cat.  

[Fea Line]

To say things were going swimmingly as of late was a bit of a stretch. Rockclan was healing and managing but weren't in the clear just yet to get back to normal. Some cats from the attack were far from it yet. All they could do now was hold it together and manage the best they could. Some days, Thornslash's paws ached from pulling double duty when needed. But then again he often volunteered so he couldn't really complain. Better done right than not at all he believed.

But a new dawn brought a new day and the morning patrol had been sent off, leaving him actually having a moment to just collect himself and recharge. But the big brown tom couldn't seem to bring himself to do just that. Restlessness disturbed his naps and he decided to finally shake it off and find something to do. That's when he spotted Brightstar sitting in a daze just outside her den.

Thornslash sighed. She was such a young cat, though admitting he wasn't that much older than her, but still. She hardly had a chance to learn the role of deputy before being shoved into the role of leader. Sometimes he felt for her. Sometimes he was frustrated at her. But he couldn't bring himself to fully blame her either. Would he fair better had be been in her paws? Only Starclan knew that answer, besides, she had Thistlethrush's help at times as well. Still...

Shaking his head and with a flick of his bobbed tail, Thornslash padded up close to her, clearing his throat to try to make his presence known. He didn't want to startle her, nor overstep his boundaries.... but he had some things he'd been holding back that felt like maybe it was time to speak them. "Brightstar....?"  

[caffeinecraving]

Brightstar still startled, it wouldnt have taken much to startle her though she was so mentally far away at that moment. She jumped and fluffed landing looking a bit ruffled. She instantly relaxed though and licked down some of her fluffed fur.

"Thornslash," She acknowledged and nodded her head. Her green eyes warmed as she became less clouded. Her tail swished a bit, "How are you?" She blinked and looked back out over the cats lingering in the camp.

She looked back to Thornslash and tipped her head. "Whats wrong? You look like you ate a bad mouse." She thought about how it could have just as easily of been the light brown warrior could have become deputy instead of her. She had worked hard sure... but had she really worked harder than others.  

[Fea Line]

Thornslash pressed back another sigh and simply shook his head with a slight smile. "And you look like you've just seen a two-leg." he half teased. A very faint and brief purr rumbled in his throat before he continued, his pecularly split eyes really taking a moment to study his leader. As far as she cats went, she really wasn't that bad on the eyes...

"I actually, had hoped to speak with you." he began, hoping it was alright to allow himself to sit, upright however, little nun of a tail neatly nestled against the ground, large tuffed ears alert. "Are...." he paused a moment, trying to figure out the best choice of words to use. "Are you alright? A lot has....happened as of late." it was obvious but true.  

[caffeinecraving]

Brightstar gave a laugh. "Dont say things like that you will jynx us!... Dogs are bad enough...LAst thing we need now is a pack of twolegs wandering through the forest." She swished her tail though in good humor.

She nodded. "Of course! What can i do for you Thornslash." She stretched a bit and looked over the tom, she really liked his ears, honestly they were so unique. She kinda started to stare a bit as she was remembering being apprenticed and how she had heard the familiar voice yelling to keep her ears down, she could only imagine he had heard that a million more times. She visibly jumped at that question. "Alright? Y-yeah of course!" She frowned. Did it seem like she wasnt ok. She nodded. "Yeah... a lot has happened.... Honestly i wish they hadnt made me deputy some times... but then i look back and i wouldnt change anything." She smiled. "Afterall... Im either going to be remembered as the most hospitable leader... or the stupidest.... and i mean... In the end... As long as my clan doesnt suffer... Im happy." Her eyes warmed.... "I got to give Pineripple and Silverstreak their names, Warriors in their own right.... Warriors of my clan! I cant begrudge the position." She purred a second.

"But they do say... its lonely at the top... and its true... How can i expect these warriors to follow me... when not long ago.... i was a warrior... shoulder to shoulder with everyone? Do you pull away? Or weave yourself in?" She looked to Thornslash, "Would you have wanted to be leader?" Sometimes she wondered if she was picked just because she was closest to their previous leader at the time....  

[Fea Line]

Thornslash couldn't help but chuckle at her comment though he shared her feelings exactly. "Starclan permitting we don't run into anymore trouble. It would be nice to see Rockclan back up and on their own two paws..." he sighed softly. Half from the despair that clan had gone through. Half because they were still here.... in Lightningclan's camp.

He shook his head however, clearing the thoughts away. He waited for her response, noticing her brief pause and her staring. He glanced around a second, as if looking for another tom cat in the area before shifting on his paws. A slight tingle bristled his fur and he pushed away soooo many thoughts.

Her response though. It.... concerned him. But at the same time.... made him feel a little better. "I see." was all he could bring himself to say for a few moments. His turn to now be lost in thought as he glanced over her. "I'm not honestly sure. I can't say that i'd deny it. I would feel honored to have been chosen and that it was my utmost duty to provide for the clan as best as I possibly could. But to have it happen in such a quick fashion...." he paused again, careful of his words. He wasn't meaning to insult her. "I just worry for you. I know you have Thistlethrush and there's no doubt she's very skilled but... well, there's only so much she can do. She's not you. There are decisions you alone have to make...." he blinked again, hoping he was making even some shred of sense and not too insulting. "Forgive me Brightstar, I don't mean to come off cross but... I want whats best for our clan and I know you feel the same, but I am also afraid that.... those moons of experience stripped from you is or could take a toll on you. We can't be whole without a leader......without you. So I worry.... for our sake but also for yours." he finished, leaning in closer for just a brief second before second guessing himself and sitting back calmly, alert and awaiting her response, whatever it may be. If she wanted to yell at him, he'd take it respectfully. But it felt good to at least get his concerns off his chest.  

[caffeinecraving]

"Own two paws huh?!" SHe gave an amused laugh and bounced up onto her back paws. "Just shows lightningclan is smarter and walks on four paws" She licked her tail at him with a happy sigh.

She had phased out again she realized when his shifting became apparent and she had stared at him. She could feel the flush under her pelt and looked away. Now that she was leader being a mom... having a mate... it was all a distant dream she couldnt have now, right... Maybe once she retired... if she retired, what if she died before she could settle and have kits.... She mentally shook the thoughts.

She frowned at his 'i see'. Afterall it sounded critical and while she would listen to any cat who had a greivence, it was hard to hear coming from cats of her clan, especially those she had been closer too. Though had thornslash and her been close, she had fond apprentice memories with him... did that count.

She listened and nodded. "Of course, Who would deny the honor? Really? But once you are leader, sometimes there is that voice of doubt... telling you it wasnt meant for you." She looked sad a bit. She wasnt insulted. It was the truth. "Try not to worry too much! Seeing my clan worrying their days away just makes me feel like im not doing well enough." She put on a happy face. "Right! And while she is deputy... I have a whole legion of warriors to support the clan!" She nodded. "Me too..." She just felt her heart snag a bit. "But... Whats best... isnt always whats right... and thats where the choices get hard." She wished for a moment that he hadnt backed off, She craved to be handled like a friend again. She brushed her tail against his shoulder and gave nothing more than a purr in response. "Perhaps... they will leave... sooner than later.... and the clan will be as great as it once was...." Afterall, they had never known a clan led by brightstar, without rockclan living in camp. And perhaps... that scared her more than anything.  

[Fea Line]

If he could flush, his brown cheeks would be a light pink. "Aah... you know what i meant Brightstar!" he fluffed himself up a bit embarrassed that she had caught that. He chuckeld softly however before it faded.

Something hurt inside with the rest of her response. Had he come off too cross? Too rough? That wasn't his intention. He was worried really, for all of them. No one could have predicted that dog attack and how things would have ended up. How many moons now seemed sucked from all of them, not just Brightstar, but the kittens and apprentices too. Some of them had to learn to suddenly grow up faster than normal. Especially Rockclan paws.

A brief thought flashed through his mind that made him laugh softly yet sadly. "I had pictured we'd have more seasons to practice being warriors together." he mrrowed, his whiskers twitching a bit before he smiled softly again. Was it ok to even mention that? Was it out of line now? He felt the touch to his shoulder and wished he could return it, though his tail being a nub as it was....

Standing a bit, he moved to sit beside her more than across from her and glanced down at the rest of the clan. "You are right though. I feel silly for forgetting such things. You can count on me to be there. For the clan and you." he said and turned back towards her, speaking more softly now. "However you might see fit to use me." he half grinned, tossing a small sly wink.  

[caffeinecraving]

She gave a grin and then nodded. "Yeeeah.... i guess " She purred, they were just talking about twolegs afterall.

She purred amused. "Yes.... I was looking forward to getting into all sorts of mischief... Playing Mouse with the other young warriors." Her eyes glittered. It has become a game of sorts between her and a few other cats to see how far in to Rockclan territory they could go before running back over the line. If you didnt get the farthest you were the mouse. "I couldnt beat timberfall... Mousebrained tom would have walked straight into their camp looking for a fight." She glanced over. "I guess right now it would be pretty easy to get all the way in to the tangled tree huh?" The tangled tree was just a marsh tree that they could use as a marking point. She grinned. "Though.... as leader now... I can only hope that they dont pick up that game again." Although she would be damned if Jaggedstar attempted to wage war.... Afterall they had done.

She purred as he sat next to her and she leaned against her friend with a decidedly comfortable sigh. She laughed though. Butting her head against his shoulder she laughed harder. "You would think i dont keep my warriors busy enough." Afterall Snapthroat had offered to be her personal amusement friend. She smiled though. "Thank you Thornslash, I havent laughed like that in a while." Her green eyes glittered a bit and she looked to his sly wink and it once again reminded her how much she had wanted kits and a mate before she had taken the deputy position.  

[Fea Line]

Thornslash laughed and returned the headbutt to her shoulder. "Aah I don't think anyone could beat Timberfall." he purred amused before pausing. "Mmm... Sometimes I wonder about that Ravensnatch though...." he grinned then shook his head with a sigh. "We have some feisty paw's now, who knows what kind of nonsense they'll get into." he added as an after thought, glancing back down at the clans.

He watched a couple paw's try to sneak off. One of the kits causing a ruckus in the nursery. Life didn't seem all that halted anymore. Just that....well. They had added cats now. And Jaggedstar didn't seem to want to leave....and that worried him. Would Brightstar be able to tell him no? She did seem to favor her own clan naturally, which Thornslash had to pause and thank Starclan for, hiding a bit of amusement at his own thoughts.

"Glad I was able to help, even if just a laugh." he said honestly as he turned his attention back towards her. "I prefer to be busy, you know I get restless paws if idle too long. Don't be afraid to ask extra of me however you need it..." he said softly, slightly getting lost in those deep green eyes. Such a striking color that stood out against her auburn fur...  

[caffeinecraving]

She gave a toothy grin. "Those two toms im sure have marched to the heart of rockclan and demanded they surrender... " She flicked her tails and mumbled. "Perhaps thats why they are still here..." She nodded. "Yes... I am keeping my eye on frostpaw, he was always a handful in the nursery and now... " She watched them and contemplated if she needed to stop them and then another cat handled it.. She realized that the cats were merging. And Jaggedstar seemed content to stay. Would it be all that terrible to have more cats... They would just open hunting in rockclan territory.... they could survive. But she felt a chill. Starclan demanded more than one clan... this was only temporary.

She purred at that her mind still wandering from one group of cats to another. She looked back and found him watching her so she ducked her head a bit and then nodded. "Me too... though many paws make light work i guess... Even if Rockclan are only giving 2 paws each." She nodded. "Its hard for me to ask for help.... as a warrior its always strive to be the best... so that the leader will look at you... now that im leader... Im supposed to tell everyone else to do the things." She laughed. "Sometimes i just wanna slip out of camp and chase rabbits..." She met his eyes and then leaned forward and pressed her nose to his. "Thanks Thornslash, that means a lot." She pulled back and flicked her ears as she looked back over the clan. "What happens... if the leader isnt a fit leader Thornslash? What if they really need someone else?" Her voice had gotten small, it was obvious that this was eating her up. Would her clan raise up against her?  

[Fea Line]

”Hah! I think Frostpaw will surprise us as a warrior when he's serious.” He began, glancing back at the apprentice briefly as Ravensnatch seemed to drag him back by the tail. An amused marrow escaped him. “If he can get serious....” he finished with an after thought, ear flicking towards Brightstar as she spoke more.

Her comment again about Rockclan and his two paw slip ups caused him to snap his head in her direction, a semi frown upon his face. Mostly he was trying not to laugh but he snuck in a brief playful headbutt to the shoulder. “Rockclan cats. Only good for two paws anyways.” He said softly, his nub of a tail swishing as much as it could swish.

He then felt himself droop as her mood seemed too. “Who says you aren’t allowed to go chase rabbits? Isn’t that what Thistlethrush is for? Back up so you can have a brief rest?” He tilted his head, genuinely concerned and curious. The more she went on the more he felt like he needed to lift her spirits again. When she leaned forward and touched her nose to his, his eyes went wide. He froze for half a second before feeling his fur flush. “As I said, I’m here to help however you need.”

He didn’t answer right away however. He looked away and up to where Starclan slept. He thought his words carefully, one paw raising slowly in a kneading motion. “Then.... I think Starclan will move in ways we can’t stop and a new leader will be appointed.” He said honestly. It was truly how he felt. There were just some things in life he honestly believed were out of their control.

But there was another thing he wished to believe. “But I don’t think that’s going to happen. Not for many many many more moons.” He glanced back at her. As much as he worried for her and how quickly this had happened, he couldn’t honestly bring himself to say he was a bad leader. She just lacked experience and she couldn’t get that experience without actually doing. “Perhaps not even in our lifetime.” He added as a soft after thought and smiled.  

[caffeinecraving]

She didnt know about that at the moment but she laughed anyway. She didnt doubt any apprentice would ever be a good warrior... the problem was getting them there. She had a ton of faith in her warriors though and Ravensnatch would be a good solid mentor for the apprentice... if of course he didnt let frostpaw get away with his antics.

She just laughed. "Oh come now you walked right into that one." Her eyes glittered with carefree humor in the moment. She nodded, though it was more like lightningclan was worth 8 paws.... not a lack on rockclan... just superiority for lightningclan.

She rolled her eyes a bit, not meaning to drop the mood. "Uh...Everyone?" She laughed. "I mean Rockclan would laugh us out of the forest if they saw the leader of lightningclan frolicking after rabbits." She blinked, imagining telling her deputy she was going out to run after rabbits. She would probably get a solid paw boop to the head. Though...she probably wouldnt turn down the chance if someone asked her to go running after the creatures.... afterall a good leader could be around their warriors in that moment!

And then she realized he wasnt ready to share her worries... she didnt want to put any weight on his shoulders that he didnt have to bare. "Never-" she was about to say not to worry, but he answered. She looked to the sky and felt her pelt prickle, she always felt small looking to the sky. Would they kill her? Bring down the natural disaster to take her 9 lives? She beamed gratefully at him. "Many many many? That many?" She purred. "Ahhh so you are gonna be the cat to cause trouble in starclan...plotting the next leaders death from the starry plains of starclan are you?" She moved closer a moment and tucked her head under his chin, stealing comfort and then moved away. "Thanks Thornslash! Would you like to go on patrol at dawn?" She tipped her head. "There may be rabbits out...." She flicked her tail as she stood. She had the feeling she should go check on Jaggedstar and make sure he at least showed his face today.  

[Fea Line]

”Yes yes.. you’re never going to let me live that down are you?” He purred and gently booped her ear with a paw. “I swear if I have any kits and you name them Twokit...” he said as an after thought and chuckled. She seemed to bounce between moods quickly, though he wasn’t sure he could blame her.

After all she had said however, finishing with tucking her head under his. He pressed his head firmly but gently against hers with what brief seconds he had to show reassurance. Maybe more if shed let him. “Ah, if I’m up in Starclan plotting the next leader’s death I think I’d have you at my side.” He mused, though he wasn’t sure he’d be that kind of cat if he ended up in Starclan. Forestclan perhaps but... that wasn’t exactly his alignment.

“Patrol at dawn sounds wonderful.” He purred, raising to his paws, nub tail flicking slightly. “There may just be rabbits out.” He added, making as if to leave her to her business now, however he stopped and looked back while grinning playfully at her. “There’s no rule that says a leader can’t also join a hunt.” He winked his many colored eyes and laughed.  

[caffeinecraving]

She just beamed at him.

She waved him off with a flick of her tail. "ME? Never!" Though the sarcasm dripped off her tone. "Perhaps... we will be old biddies just planning natural disasters... Though for the leader after Thistlethrush, cause while she is something i dont wish bad on her." She simply laughed, it was all crazy talk anyway.

She nodded and then grinned when she heard his toss away statement. "Ahhh but then id be expected to actually catch them!" She waved him off with a swish of her tail. Perhaps... her dreams didnt have to feel so unreachable.


(Annnd possible fin!)