“I’m Sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not telling you sooner.”
“What are you talking about?” Like a blip on a radar, Kanene’s concern flared up. What had happened? What did he miss? He never missed anything?!
“I haven’t been feeling… well…”
“Are you sick?”
“No I-“
“We can search for a healer if you need it. Anything. Do you think……..?” His eyes switched between her face and her stomach quickly.
“No, no Kanene please I-“
“If you’re worried about, um. It. I um. I’m sure we can find someone to help. I know you wanted Nombuso to be here and I’m… I’m really sorry she can’t…. I—”
“I AM SCARED.”
“For what?”
“For not telling you sooner.”
“What are you talking about?” Like a blip on a radar, Kanene’s concern flared up. What had happened? What did he miss? He never missed anything?!
“I haven’t been feeling… well…”
“Are you sick?”
“No I-“
“We can search for a healer if you need it. Anything. Do you think……..?” His eyes switched between her face and her stomach quickly.
“No, no Kanene please I-“
“If you’re worried about, um. It. I um. I’m sure we can find someone to help. I know you wanted Nombuso to be here and I’m… I’m really sorry she can’t…. I—”
“I AM SCARED.”
Awiki at last blurted out. It was the loudest she had ever gotten in front of Kanene, let alone with him. Immediately she pulled herself together. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I just needed to tell you that. I’m scared, Kanene. And I’ve been scared for a while now. Ever since you had that dream I’ve… I’ve…”
His expression was soft, but a nervousness in his tone could not be avoided. “Oh.”
That wasn’t what she expected to hear.
“I’m. Just. Um.”
They were alone. All their guests had come and gone. They sat together just as the moon rose high up in the night sky, shining her bright light upon the earth beyond their den mouth. They were alone… and she hadn’t felt this distant from him. Ever.
It made her shift uncomfortably.
Fortunately, it was Kanene’s turn to speak up. “What are you scared of?”
She was quiet for a beat too long, and now he was the one to shift his weight. Unsettled.
“Are you… I mean. Do you want um. This?” His head tilted, again his eyes flickering between her belly and her face.
She nodded. “I do. At least. I think I do.” A sigh. “I know I want this with you. Forever. That’s not in question at all I’m just… I’m just not sure if I’ll be.” A pause. “Good enough.”
“Good enough for what?” Kanene was pulling for answers without giving her any sense of reassurance and that seemed to feed into a dormant insecurity of the girls. Awiki’s brow furrowed.
“Look. I just wanted to be honest with you about how I felt. I was hoping you’d understand. Maybe you were scared too! I thought, heck, if we’re meant to be then maybe you’re feeling what I’m feeling. Like we’re connected.” Her tone was raising again, only this time she couldn’t quite get a handle on it. She was heated, nervous, anxious, scared, worried, doubtful…
And Kanene wasn’t helping?!
But he was trying to. Slowly. Carefully.
“I get it.” He replied in a whisper, looking at her in a way that almost made Awiki more irritable. She couldn’t return his gaze for longer than a few seconds at a time. But it didn’t bother him, nor deter him in the least.
“And I appreciate you for being honest. I’m sorry you’ve held that in for as long as you have. You didn’t need to. You never have to hide how you feel.” He paused long enough to move closer to her. And she sighed, heavy but… out of relief as well.
“I’m… I’m scared too. I really am. I love you so much, and I love this,” He gestured around the den, “all that we have right now. It’s perfect and I’m afraid of something changing that. I don’t want to lose you. To anything.” His head ran into hers gently, thick mane brushing along her cheek and forehead. “But you have nothing to fear. If we’re lucky enough and we end up with cubs, you will be the greatest mother. You’re strength will see them into adulthood as truly prepared warriors of justice. Your compassion will make them feel safe enough to feel things… everything. And they will know your love. Your kind, sensitive, unconditional love… you are one of the worthiest creatures. You deserve so much, more than what I could ever hope to give you.”
Awiki’s eyes were welling with tears, still unable to look Kanene dead on but lingering upon his face for longer stints. Soaking him in. And he chuckled, sending a kiss across her chin. “Although I will always do my best to try.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I understand. I see you.”
“You’re right. It was silly.” It was her turn to laugh, feeling the warmth of tears as they rolled down her cheek. “Of course you’re afraid. Who wouldn’t be? This is such a big move… a huge risk but with an equally enormous reward. Potential reward, anyway.”
He continued to dote upon her, leaning in to rub his nose against hers, nodding his head in agreement.
“I will do my best to keep honest with you. Always.” A smile now formed across her lips, replacing the frustration that had once resided there. “That’s what partners do.”
“That’s what soulmates do.” Kanene countered, his own wicked grin teasing… but full of truth.
“Ha.” The peach lioness felt the heat on her face, tinging her snout red.
“Yeah. That is what we do, isn’t it? Aruna mentioned something about that the other day. I’m sorry but I confided in her with a lot of what I felt. She said she could see that we were meant to be. That our love was different. As if we’ve loved for many lifetimes.”
Kanene purred. He nodded. “I’m glad you were able to speak to her. I am grateful that she kept you company that day.”
Awiki went on. “And at first I didn’t exactly believe it? Or, well. I had felt it but never put a label to it. And when she said it out loud, I immediately wanted to correct her? But only because I was afraid. I’ve never known love like this, you know? Nombuso was very hard when it came to this sort of stuff, very to the point. I’ve never known what it was like to want to birth cubs for any other reason than it was ‘the season’ for it. So…”
“It was just… odd. But then she went on to reassure me further. And she told me to trust.”
Kanene hummed a deep and curious ‘mmm?’.
“To trust you. To trust this. To trust… everything? And it helped.”
At last, Awiki shifted so she could face Kanene full on. Her eyes wanted to dart, but she forced them to stay locked with his.
“I trust you with my heart, as I offer it to you freely. I trust that this was written in the stars long before either one of us knew what was coming. And I trust that you and I will make incredible parents… “
Kanene’s c**k-eyed grin grew wider.
His lips parted, a light sigh followed by laughter.
“Awiki… Nombuso would be so proud of you.”
(WC: 1194)