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 Posted: Wed Nov 20, 2019 7:20 pm
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Foxcry looked away for a moment, then back at him and gave a terse nod.
"I... don't dislike your company." She informed him. "I was going to walk to the river, if you'd care to join me." She proposed, her claws sliding in and out of the ground below. "Ever since the dogs were mentioned last night, something tugs at the edges of my mind." She said softly. "Like a memory, maybe? But I'm not sure I want to remember it." She sighed. "The sounds of conflict... a she-cat's scream..." She shook her head and started to pad towards the direction of the river.
"I don't know a lot of who I am or who I was, but I know that I have a few friends in RiverClan now. These glimpses of my past, if that's what they really are... they have no place barging into my mind again and preying on my emotions." She let out an exasperated sigh. "Just when I started feeling remotely alright with... I don't know. Anything at all." She glanced towards Owlheart, looking wearily at him. "I sound crazy." She stated. "I would, uh," She searched for the right words. "Be more in favor of you not telling anyone else and, erm, keeping what I've said between us. I'll deny ever talking to you if you do otherwise." She added, before looking a touch sheepish. "Probably."
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Posted: Thu Nov 21, 2019 4:13 am
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Owlheart gave her a small purr in response, tail twitching peacefully behind him. "I would love to walk with you." Getting out of the camp is always more preferable than staying there. Unless there is food there is less a chance of running into anyone he'd much rather avoid.
He listed to her talk, his ears lowering for her plight. Every time she opens up even a little but, it becomes clearer she had such a rough start in life. While waiting silently for her to finish, he had to interrupt once, "You don't sound remotely crazy. You may be fighting a war within yourself that we can't see, but none of it sounds crazy." To see, and hear, her struggle just drove home that Riverclan failed to do more for her when she was younger.
If they had really been there for her she wouldn't have to deal with these emotions all in her head.
"Not a word from me!" Short of her telling him she was going to assassinate Shadowstar tonight, anyway. That wasn't an idea he was going to speak into existence!
"My mother was frantic when we got back and told her, I've hardly ever seen her as anything but calm. This territory used to belong to Rockclan. Dogs attacked one night and killed most of the clan. My Mom, Shadowstar's mom and so many others died. Flamedapple was just a kit when her parents were taken." Maybe, just maybe the shared trauma might help? At least he remembered not to call her, her mother. This time.
"They rebuilt here, I grew up with the stories. Mom is quite the story teller." He had the nerve to sound aggrieved over it, but his expression was far from an annoyed son. No, still smiling, tail still waving contently.
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:26 am
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Foxcry blinked at him, a small grateful thank you for his company, before she listened to the words he had to offer her. A relieved smile took over her expression once he informed her that she didn't sound the least bit crazy. It was the purr that surprised her and in her surprise, it was short-lived, but... Oh, thank ForestClan she wasn't going nuts! Or at least, thank goodness Owlheart didn't seem to think so.
When he began to talk about his mother, she listened, but at the mention of Flamedapple, she looked away.
"It seems like RiverClan...or RockClan before it, has been suffering for moons before I got here to add to it." She muttered, flicking her tail from side to side and she began to walk again.
"I... I didn't know that about Flamedapple." She mewed softly. She had never bothered to get to know the lives of Flamedapple and Foxfur. Just pushed them away and settled with the cats that she did know and trust. Barkfang, who mentored her and told her to keep her feelings close. She frowned a little. Would Barkfang be upset with her now, for talking so much about her thoughts and worries to Owlheart? Yet, she suspected if she voiced her concerns to her former mentor, they would be met with dismissal or skepticism. Of course, she faced the same worries in telling Owlheart anything, or any cat for that matter, but at least she expected that sort of thing from Barkfang.
"I'm... worried, Owlheart." She confessed finally. "Not just about the dogs or about these weird dream memories..." She glanced at the tomcat, her eyes wide. "It'll sound selfish, I think, but I'm worried about me. I've only just started to feel accustomed to RiverClan, sort of, but what if it's too late? What if RiverClan has already decided I'm a lost cause? I'm not going to go grovel to Shadowstar or apologize to Bumblebreeze or Foxfur or Flamedapple for the way I glare at them, because I still think they're wrong, but can cats think of each other as being wrong and still live with them?" She walked a bit faster, the anxiety growing in her chest prompting her towards a more drastic sort of movement.
"What if Shadowstar and Wildflower decide that now that I can live on my own, that they'll throw me out? Or what if I say something hurtful to some cat some day and that's when it happens? I'm unpredictable and now with these memories and the threat of dogs, I'm even less reliable than I was before and..." She leaped forward, claws spread forward as she pounced a tall arch. When she landed, she was panting, her eyes staring forward, but not at anything in particular.
"I don't want to leave RiverClan. Where am I supposed to go? RiverClan is my home, now, even if I didn't want it before, I do now, but...I'm so worried about how our Clan mates think of me." She was convinced that if she made too many mistakes as a warrior, if she drew too much attention to herself, if she looked the wrong way at Shadowstar... That would be it. Foxcry didn't want that to be it. She glanced at Owlheart. "I just made a new friend in you, I think. I don't want to leave that, either."
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2019 8:09 pm
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"You have a point." She was right about her suffering adding to Riverclan's suffering. Only, the source and victim might not be what she expected. "You've suffered beyond words since you found us. At least we are a clan of survivors."
He had to reflect how much Foxcry had in common with Flamedapple. Losing their parents at a young age, chaotic battle and clawing their way into their own places as powerful she-cats. "My mother is a better storyteller and historian then I am. She could tell you some stories." So could Flamedapple but maybe that would be a step too far at this point in her journey. Beside, Fawnbriar loves to tell stories. Most of hers were positive and funny but she could certainly tell of the traumas as well.
The more she talked the more he started to react. Slowly, his claws came out and the fur on his back started to rise. She spoke so breathtakingly about fears that his muscles screamed to react. There wasn't a physical threat to fight off but he wanted to battle.
The was a threat, just not one he could physically confront. By the Forestclan, he needed to confront it. This was such a war she was facing. The benefit of being in a clan is never having to face a battle alone, this was absolutely no exception!.
"You are not alone." That came rushing out as he danced on his paws. Part of him wanted to groom her, comfort the anxieties. The other part still screamed to fight the troubles he couldn't see. What stilled him was the battling impulses made him immobile. That he was no idea how she would handle being touched.
Who gave her those fears? Who encouraged them and fanned them? Who failed to see them and step in sooner? It was all of their faults, the clan was to blame.
With what knowledge he had of the cats she mentioned, it might make her feel better to know none of them would likely respond well to groveling.
Any thought he had about the different reactions dumped from his brain as he leapt into action. Following her pounce, he landed right beside her. There was still some space but he was there, claws out to join her in the fight.
"We are clan, that means more than blood. At least here." Fairly confident in his assessment of Shadowstar, Owlheart didn't except her to pull a Brightstar. "Shadowstar hasn't kicked out Barkfang and she certainly speaks rough to Shadowstar and causes concern." Ten times that level of concern the more he listened to her speak. Even with that, the she-cat was still among the clan.
Probably wouldn't help his case if he mentioned wishing she wasn't still in the clan. Or at least that Shadowstar had been smarter and put foxpaw with a different mentor. "I am not her, obviously. More handsome." He tried to smile at her, it was a lame attempt to bring down the anxiety.
Only she would tell him if he deserved a chuckle or a paw to the face.
"We are a clan, we don't have to love everyone in the clan. What we need to do is look after each other. I am not on the best terms with my brother; however, if he were in danger, I would jump to his defense in a heartbeat." The statement had a purpose. There was a question he had, one that many might have if they ever heard how she really felt. "If Bumblebreeze was in danger, would you defend him as a clanmate?" It seemed her brother was a big bone of contention. Wearing that pelt.
Speaking of, who told her that pet was from the fox? Whoever that is deserved a claw to the face. Or a head bop from Shadowstar. "If Shadowstar thinks you are unreliable or a danger, she would just not send you with any cats she is worried about." Short of actively hurting another cat or purposely leaving one to die, he just couldn't see it.
Shadowstar would be the best one to have this conversation with, but again that seemed a step farther than he should suggest.
"No matter what, I stand with you." Riverclan is his clan, he grew up a part of it. That meant every cat in it, especially Foxcry. There was no abandoning a clanmate, particularly one that was suffering. Not once in her life had the clan abandoned her--failed yes--abandoned no. He wouldn't be the first.
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Posted: Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:44 am
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Foxcry listened to Owlheart. She had a point? His mother could tell her stories? Her tail tip twitched in interest at these prospects, but she stood quickly when he began to bristle.
"I've upset you." She stated and glanced away, towards the direction of the river. She didn't mean to upset him. Maybe if she ran off for a while, disappeared for a night, he wouldn't be upset when she returned. "I didn't-That's not what I wanted to happen-I shouldn't have said anything-"
You're not alone. The words cut through her desire to run and she found herself looking back at Owlheart, her icy gaze meeting his warm, gold one. Transfixed, she slowly lowered herself to sit and continued to listen to what he had to say. She nodded slowly, considering what he said in regards to her mentor. Barkfang certainly had a knack for ruffling fur, yet she was still apart of the Clan. He was right about that.
"You're more handsome than most cats I know." She agreed with a small smile, not realizing it had been a meant as a jesting manner, rather than a statement of fact. She continued to listen with rapt attention, before a question was posed in front of her. If Bumblebreeze needed her, would she defend him? Not as a brother, per say, for he wasn't one... but as a fellow Clan mate in RiverClan?
She closed her eyes and gave a small sigh as she considered it. If any of her Clan mates were in danger, she would defend them. If it was a choice between Bumblebreeze and Ebonypaw... but no, that wasn't the question. She re-focused her mind and then nodded.
"Yes, I would." She replied. "Defend Bumblebreeze as a Clan mate, that is." She flicked her tail tip, ending any further discussion from her end on that topic.
Getting to her paws, she moved to sit closer by Owlheart, her fur only barely brushing against his. It wasn't that she was against physical contact, she just wasn't accustomed to it (save for Ebonypaw who tended to wobble into her when he walked.) But... if it was on her terms, she found she didn't quite mind it. In fact, this was nice.
"Thank you, Owlheart." She mewed and ducked her head a little, licking her chest. "You're... you're a good friend." She said softly and after a moment, moved to lay her tail over his.
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Posted: Tue Dec 17, 2019 5:10 pm
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Guilt started to seep in as she started to speak. Slowly the tom began to settle down as he realized his mistake. Protectiveness got the better of him and now he had to figure out how to fix it. He'd sooner lose his tail then make her feel like she couldn't tell him anything. Yet, thats exactly what he had done.
While he worked that out, she agreed with him. With a short purr, Owlheart puffed out his chest, "I know right?" He offered a grin as much teasing back at her as responding. She thought he was handsome too! "I am more handsome than my brother, right?" She did say most cats, have to be sure. The moment of levity helped, or so he hoped. It seemed like a good idea.
Maybe.
Not since Bearjaw made that mad dash into the camp had he ever been so proud. From holding his breath to breathing out a strong rumbling purr, Owlheart had to respond with a nuzzle under the jaw. "You are clan, through and through. Thats all anyone can ask of you." That she spent time thinking of it made her answer mean so much more. Beyond anything else, he believed her and trusted her.
If he was any judge of the rest of her family, they would too.
"It is the least I can do, Foxcry, and I pledge to do more. You've battled a war in your heart for so long without any support. I want you to know I'll be by your side." Let no one say she wasn't a peerless warrior. The target doesn't have to be physical to be real.
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Posted: Tue Dec 17, 2019 6:34 pm
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Foxcry gave a brief purr of amusement at Owlheart's pride, flicking her tail from side to side. At his question, she blinked. "Of course." She replied. "Your markings are much more intricate. He's just..." She brought the image of the fluffy tomcat to her mind. "Brown." She replied and shrugged. "There's no competition."
Bristling with surprise when he nuzzled her, she relaxed at his comforting words. Her heart felt warm, similar to how she felt looking at Ebonykit, but... different too. She wasn't sure how to describe it properly, but... she liked the feeling. She liked being with Owlheart too.
"Me too..." She mewed. "You're already a strong warrior, Owlheart, but if you ever need any sort of support... I'll be there for you too." She fidgeted her paws and then leaned on him for support. "So. We can support each other." She didn't want to move just yet and didn't quite feel like returning to camp yet either. So, she settled in beside Owlheart and enjoyed the warm feeling that came from being with him.
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