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 Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 5:14 pm
I wrote this down about 2 weeks ago:
Im 19 years old. A biology student going into his sophomore year. I've had the same girlfriend for over four years now. We have a great relationship. I mean we trust each other with anything that's on our mind, we understand each others thoughts, we really care for each other, and maybe most shocking she always gets my strange sense of humor.
What's the problem you say? Ok so well I have been having doubts about the relationship for.. quite a while. I feel that this relationship is very serious and although she knows I am not ready to get married now, I can expect that this will be the last relationship of my life. That thought is not so good with me sweatdrop . I feel as a person i need to experience more before the time of marriage comes. Not only learning more about people by having more relationships in my life, but even having more time living on my own. I'm expecting to be in college for 7 more years and I know she's not to keen on me going to parties so I wont go. I want to go to medical school so maybe a relationship that takes so much time is not the best thing for me. Also, she can get very jelous about things so I also feel I could never even have a strong friendship with another female again.
My girlfriend also has issues with depression. I'm the one thing that makes her happy in her life and that has been a major factor in why i never follow my feelings on this. I feel like I need to keep her feeling happy. I know it's unhealthy for her to be dependant on me but I can't bear to think of what i would be putting her through.
We've "taken a break" before lil more than a year ago because I was worried about our relationship and me goin off to collage. I wanted to see other people. I was good at first but I ended up seeing this girl shortly after we broke up and I missed my ex. (Today i feel i probably just didn't give it enough time). She had a terrible time... not eating.. not sleeping. She went out with her one friends to shows and ended up throwing herself sexually to some drummer because she said "she was desporate for some sort of relationship". mind you hook ups are really out of our personality style. A day short of a month we went out again.
Throughout freshman year I had thoughts again about if I am doing the right thing now and then but brushed them off. Between having my GF coming over each weekend and the bio major, I was hella busy and didn't have time to really make major changes so I just wouldn't let myself fall into thinkin such ways.
Now Im home for summer, I'm seeing her every day. Not only that but I have time to think about things... perhaps not a good combination. Tonight we were hangin out, lyin down on the couch having a fine time. Then she opts to ask me a terrible, terrible question... "are you still feeling upset with me?". *sigh* I don't know why i have to be such an honest person, but that's just me. Needless to say... I threw all my thoughts right on the table.
She got upset... real upset...though none of this are things she hasn't heard before. She does her thing for when i am depressed about this how we are great together, and how we're both so happy with our relationship, and how she can't imagine finding somebody better, and we are such a big part of each other and we complete each other. Usually this is when i just let my thoughts warm the bench and then they resurface a few weeks later.
She said one thing that really bothered me though. "Can we just wait out the summer and see how it goes?" I'm now feeling like such a fool.... she said the SAME THING to me in december. "Can we just wait out the holiday season and see how it goes?" I realize... she keeps leading me in this situation of hoping my feelings will change, but they aren't. And the things she says to me... she tells me how i feel about things... but shouldn't I know best? sweatdrop We both ended up crying.. quite a bit...
It's getting late and my parents still don't like me to have people over at this time we don't decide on anything and she leaves. We said we'll take it day by day and she'll try to be ready for the worst.
I'm thinking I'll prolly end this relationship within the next months but I just feel so upset about the whole thing and it's hard for me to do anything. We're really attached you know.. 4 years is a LONG time. This could be the right thing for me or the worst choice of my life. We have great times together but it's just not matching up with my wants in life.
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Anyhow it's been weeks and we just decided to take the relationship day by day but i dont feel much better about things... I find myself wanting to not hang out with her and not as sexually attracted to her. Im also a bit depressed but I dunno if it is related (prolly though). I don't know what to do, i just want some advice or somebody take on my situation. Thx for reading
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Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 5:51 pm
don't feel you should be in this relationship because your girlfriend is depressed and you cheer her up... it's not right. maybe sit down and have a talk with her about her jealousy issues, say that she can trust you etc. have a long hard think, and make a list of the pros and cons (just don't let her see it!) if you don't feel as sexually attracted to her and don't wanna spend time with her... maybe you're drifting apart, maybe you should break up with her. just don't rush into any decisions, is my advice.
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Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:01 pm
Wow that was a long read. But I stayed through it. Even tho I never had an relationship this happened with a friend of mine whos about your age. But his relationsip was a lot worse. So that I understand this right you are saying that you arent seeing an attraction in her anymore since you dont really want to hang out with her or anything. Maybe you should just wait this out and see where things go. Or you can ask her if you guys can take another short break so you can basically sort your thoughts out since it sounds like your having doubts in your relationship.
Four years IS a very long time and maybe you just kinda feel as if you want to try out a new relationship since you guys been dating for a long time. My advice is just wait like maybe a month and you still feel the same just ask her if you guys can take a short break.
If that makes sense or if you can understand it, yay. I think I also repeated some things just let me know if you kinda got lost or something.
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Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 7:13 pm
Holy crap you sound just like me....cept you are older, but we have the same problem for the most part.*what a small world*
In any event, take things slowly and if she really trusts you she won't be all crazy around your femaly friends.
In any event, mabey a break is the best thing. Stay in contact in some way, but just take a break from the realationship. No dating anyone, but just seeing how you both feel about being away from eachother.
I hope it helps. ^^
*Good luck with school ^^*
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Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 11:57 pm
thanks a lot...
If anybody else has stuff to add plz go for it
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Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 12:39 am
Basically the idea of staying with someone just to keep them happy but it's not making you happy isn't very good for you mentally. You can still be friends mind you. But it just sorta sounds like the longer this goes on for you the more stress you'll put yourself under in the end.
Just be her awesomely good friend. Don't let her drag you into something you don't want to be in.
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Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 1:31 am
This sounds a lot like my previous relationship that lasted 2 and 1/2 years.
She would get jealous over silly things, I didn't want her to be the last person I ever dated (since we had spoken of marriage previously), I felt less and less attracted to her as the days went on ...
The best thing I ever did was break up with her.
I understand if you love her ... it'll hurt, and I can vouch for that.
I was hurting for about five months.
But once you're over her ... go out and socialize!
I'm currently dating the newest love of my life, who I've been dating for nearly four months, and I can honestly say that all feelings for my ex are vanquished.
I'll be 19 in three months, so I figured we should be on "the same page" when it comes to life issues.
I wish you luck in whatever you choose.
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Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:00 pm
wow. this sounds a lot like my current relationship...except we are only 4 months into it. this is because he grew up with his father teaching him that getting experience is the way to go. that you shouldnt just date one person for your entire high school career.
so, about a month ago, he and i had a conversation where he basically told me that he was going to see if dating this girl he has had a crush on since 3rd grade would work out or not and that it was up to ME if i thought i could handle being with him as he did that. yes, i stayed with him. i couldnt bear the thought of leaving him. as time went on, he never spoke of her and never went on any dates. [[i should mention here that before we decided this, he went to her house after work one day and didnt tell me about it...i forced it out of him. and his parents considered that to be a date, although i do not.]]
the other night when i was over at his house, he had this look on his face like something was wrong. i asked him about it and he said he was fine, but i knew he wasnt. so i gave him "the glare" (which he knows that im being completely serious when i give him this look) and asked him again if everything was alright. he sighed and told me he thought it was a mistake. i was confused and asked him to clarify. he said thatr he thought dating ________ (not going to say her name) was a mistake. i asked why. he said that he didnt feel comfortable around her. that even on OUR first date he was completely comfortable. that he wast sure if dating other people was the best idea right now. that made me happy, because i had never compltely agreed to//with the idea. i was never going to date anyone else because i was 99.99999% happy with him. i was missing that little bit because he was going off with the other girl.
wow, sorry this is such a long reply. and you probably dont care about my realtionship, i just thought i would share since it seemed to be similar to yours. what im trying to say with my post is that you should take some time to think about it (which is what my bf did). dont talk to her about that for a while, use some of your own time to do that. dont stay with her because youre afraid shes going to not be happy or do something stupid, because that can end up ruining your own life. you need to make a decision based on what YOU think is right for you. even if that means taking a break for a month or 2 months or even a year, so that you can see what its like to be apart. mabe go on a few dates to see if youre comfortable with it. and she would probably want you back if you decided that being apart wasnt best for you. but if you do stay together, maybe dont see each other everyday. you situation of every weekend seemed to be wroking well during the school year, so why not keep doing that? that way you can have some time to yourself to think about what you want.
wow, im terribly sorry for this long reply. i hope it helps!
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Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:21 pm
love_26_always wow. this sounds a lot like my current relationship...except we are only 4 months into it. this is because he grew up with his father teaching him that getting experience is the way to go. that you shouldnt just date one person for your entire high school career. so, about a month ago, he and i had a conversation where he basically told me that he was going to see if dating this girl he has had a crush on since 3rd grade would work out or not and that it was up to ME if i thought i could handle being with him as he did that. yes, i stayed with him. i couldnt bear the thought of leaving him. as time went on, he never spoke of her and never went on any dates. [[i should mention here that before we decided this, he went to her house after work one day and didnt tell me about it...i forced it out of him. and his parents considered that to be a date, although i do not.]] the other night when i was over at his house, he had this look on his face like something was wrong. i asked him about it and he said he was fine, but i knew he wasnt. so i gave him "the glare" (which he knows that im being completely serious when i give him this look) and asked him again if everything was alright. he sighed and told me he thought it was a mistake. i was confused and asked him to clarify. he said thatr he thought dating ________ (not going to say her name) was a mistake. i asked why. he said that he didnt feel comfortable around her. that even on OUR first date he was completely comfortable. that he wast sure if dating other people was the best idea right now. that made me happy, because i had never compltely agreed to//with the idea. i was never going to date anyone else because i was 99.99999% happy with him. i was missing that little bit because he was going off with the other girl. wow, sorry this is such a long reply. and you probably dont care about my realtionship, i just thought i would share since it seemed to be similar to yours. what im trying to say with my post is that you should take some time to think about it (which is what my bf did). dont talk to her about that for a while, use some of your own time to do that. dont stay with her because youre afraid shes going to not be happy or do something stupid, because that can end up ruining your own life. you need to make a decision based on what YOU think is right for you. even if that means taking a break for a month or 2 months or even a year, so that you can see what its like to be apart. mabe go on a few dates to see if youre comfortable with it. and she would probably want you back if you decided that being apart wasnt best for you. but if you do stay together, maybe dont see each other everyday. you situation of every weekend seemed to be wroking well during the school year, so why not keep doing that? that way you can have some time to yourself to think about what you want. wow, im terribly sorry for this long reply. i hope it helps! There is no reason to be sorry. I'd rather have a long reply than none at all! Not to mention it's nice to know that im not alone in my situation. Thank you for your responce smile
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Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:27 pm
no problem! i just wanna help!
oh. and did i mention im only 15? yeah.
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Posted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 12:22 pm
eek eek eek Wow. That is a long time. Im sorry for you. If she's in depression help her with it and don't get to involed it might go bad that way.
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Reply
