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 Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:20 am
Aug 15
I joined ths guild yesterday, posted here and there...and now here I am again, posting. Exciting eh?
What to put...well...I jsut recently ended a relationship, wish I hadn't, but had pretty much no choice. I hate myself for missing her. Yes I said her, you can fill in the peices. Going into highschool and scared out of my freakin' mind....kind of. I won't have my best friends for the next 4 years for support, I haven't seen my boilogical father in about 5 months, My grandparents are up from Florida and life is just one big huge headache as usual. Thank god for Pirates, computers, and drawing utencils. Well Im gonna go do something other than this that could possible pass more time till I call my friend to make plans...until then!
*waves*
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Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:24 am
Aug 16
*yawns* Mornin'! I got absolutly no sleep last night. I kept waking up. Not like, wake up, look around, fall back asleep, I mean wake up and be wide awake. And I kept thinking about thigs too. I hate it when I think durring the night, it keeps me up and gets me angry...not for keeping me up but the things I think about. Like last night, I was angry at something, (i forgot what it was) and got frustrated to the point where I convinved myself there was someone in the room with me, (dont ask me how I got that..) watching me and was making this stupid clicky noise I heard all night. I eventually moved to the couch and fell asleep there for a couple of hours, then woke up again, promtly at 7:00 because Im weird like that and wake up at a certain time on the dime (heh! i made a rhyme! O.o....over that) SO yeah, Im gonna be irritable today, I can tell. Although, I dont have many dishes to do! So thats a plus! (I hate doing dishes) *cries* Shaylin leaves tomarrow and Megan leaves on Sunday and I wont see Megan till.....the 20-somethingth and ill be stuck with shaylin for until she gets back xD not that thats a bad thing thu, I love shaylin to death, but im afraid im gonna get irritated with her xD And then theres the whole thing when megan gets back from Florida and we have the 28 party thing at the park and its gonna be the last time we get together with all of our friends until we all finally get lives! (YAY LIVES! Ive needed one for a while now xD) but yeh...so thats it really...tata all!
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Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 5:38 am
Aug 18
'Ello all!
Just a little update..Megan leaves for Floriday on Sunday, (She's gonna try and get me a jar of dirt! xD) And Shaylin doesnt get back till Monday, So Im gonna be friendless for about a day. xD but w/e...kinda xD Anyway. I slept over megans house last night and went with her to baby-sit yesterday. Her cousin is so adorable! But then again, I just kinda stood back and watched seein' that Im not all that great with kids. But yeah, that's pretty much it...still kinda frustrated about alot of things..but nothing I can't work out in my mind....i tend to think alot xD well till later all!
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Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:10 am
Aug 20
WOOT! Officially 2 weeks of being single!! Don't ask me why Im proud of that...I guess I just feel free in a way, and yet still tied down. I guess some might say I'm still hung up on Kim, but really, it's not for that reason. I'm hung up on keeping her as my friend...as said before in that thread I posted. I finally called, and she wasn't home, and I knew that she wouldn't call me back because she hasn't. And if I call her back and confront her about it she'll use the same old excuse of "I've been busy.". I know she's been busy, but when we were dating, she always found time to talk to me. Part of me has given up, and another part of me says I can't. And I won't...not until I really know if she doesnt want me in her life...if thats the case, then I've already moved on.
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Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:31 pm
I feel the sudden need to rant again...
I can't take much more of this insanity im putting myself through...Im tearing myself up over her, to have her friendship...I just don't know what to do to get through to her. I've tried many times now to converse, but she takes no interest. I always have to call her, she never calls me...it's like she wants me completely erased from her life...yeah, so much for us getting back together in the future...lying b***h...she lied about everything to me. About loving me those last couple of weeks, about that girl at camp..thinking about it now, she lied to me about alot of things...her personality for one...she told me that she changed just so she could get me. When she told me that I felt my whole world crash. She lied to me about us. I hate her for it now...and I dont hate her at the same time, because she made me happy...through a lie...which sucks.
I hate Liars...
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:55 am
Aug 21
I think I've finally given up. I called her again yesterday, we didn't talk much, but thats okay, It was only a call out of boredom. I talked myself to sleep, finally convincing myself that I made a mistake, and it's my own ridiculous fault for thinking I still had a chance. So I gave up. Now my mind is set on Shaylin.
She came home from New York yesterday and showed up at my door crying. Why she was crying isn't anyone's business to the world of Gaia, but the fact is, it made me realize how close of a bond I have with my friends. I miss Megan like crazy, and I missed Shaylin just as much, and when I opend my door to find her standing there, it's like a big heavy cloud lifted...then was set back down again when I saw that she was crying. It felt like the day we went to her dad's funeral..only not as bad. She turned to Megan and I for support, and again she did the same (even though Megan isn't home, she turned to me this time.) So thinking about it now, I was really stupid to think I had to fight to keep Kim as my friend. I know who my true friends are. And Im sure she could be one, I mean, I still trust her, she's a good person, but it's her decision now, and I'll just take whatever it is she decides. I've got my friends, and I love them to death.
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 12:25 pm
Aug 22
We just spent the day painting my former math teacher's classroom. It was so much fun too, Shaylin and I got into a paint war. I felt special 'cause I got to use the extender for the paintroller to get the upper part of the room. (then i stood on a chair and was queen of the classroom till shaylin painted my butt xD) I came home covered in paint, but I enjoyed it, and we get to go back and do it again tomarrow! yay! *dances* I cant wait. She wants a big dolphin on one of the walls and then she's hanging up these stencil things. so we gotta get a few more people to help us tomarrow, instead of the five of us from today.
I might try and convince Kim again, but I dont think she's gonna go for it, w/e, its always worth a second shot. Well till later all!
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 5:35 am
Aug 23
Not going painting today....Shaylin has a dentist appointment and I have a thing to go to at the highschool. I have to call Kim in a little while to ask if I can tag along (they offered yesterday when I called to find out about the stupid bus schedule....stupid bus schedule) seeing that my step dad and my mom can't take me after all...they're going out for chinese with my grandparents (yay chinese! *rolls eyes* like chinese is more important than my education....w/e thu) but yeh...so im gonna call there about 10-ish and see if the offer is still open. *prays to god it is* Debbie will be going with them too i believe, so i wont be totally alone and awkward with them...not that i would really care...but im afraid there might me a certain atmosphere of awkwardness and anger...the awkwardness from me and the anger from Kim. Idk why she'd be angry, I'll owe her the favor if she wants it. but okay w/e xD
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Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 10:55 am
Aug....something....25?
GAWD!! Im so freakin scared....We start highschool Wednesday!! I at least have my bus stop, which is good....but im still SOO SCA-RED!! okay, that is all...
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:15 pm
Aug 29
One more day *bites nails visciously*...Im actually rather excited to go into highschool now. Im not as nervous as I thought I would be. I rearranged my room, in a little fung-shway (spelled incorrectly xD) type of thing, which was relaxing. Then I did the dishes, also relaxing, as much as I hate it. Im just not so excited about having to see my ex everyday. It was already hard enough spending time with her yesterday. We laughed at a couple of thigns, talked, VERY little, but other than that things seem pretty cool for now. I just hope it won't be EXTREMELY awkward like it kind of was yesterday. I plan on making a new friend on the first day. I dont care who it is, but they're going to be my friend damnit! xD Ill walk up to someone random at lunch and be like "Hi! My name's Kendra, I don't usually walk up to random people and say hello like this, but today Im in the mood to make friends, so, what's your name?" and hopefully it will go over smoothly and I'll have a friend xD. I highly doubt it'll work like that, but whatever, its worth a shot isn't it? Well im gonna go check a couple of other things before I come back here and possibly post again because I'll be sure to have some sort of a panic attack. xD Till then!
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 1:58 pm
*same day*
Not panicing, just bored now. Listening to Jimmy Biffet, still relaxed. I gots all my stuff for school now, My outfit is all planned out, and i've got my time schedule all planned out.
wake up: 5:30
be ready: 6:00
out the door: 6:15
at the bus stop: 6:30
be picked up: 6:45
and that is my time schedule. These may be posted throughout this little bloggy thingy here. I find it fun to have schedules, Im never late, and always on time.
I am a time freak, as any of my friends xD and an organized time freak at that. ^_^ *is proud of crazy-time-organization self* but anyway....yeah, thats pretty much, boredom and whatnot................GOD IM NOT READY TO GO YET!!! *slips slowly to floor, biting nails, wide eyed and terrified* OOH! suddenly inspired...Ima gonna go draw a picture! xD
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Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:18 pm
Aug 30
title is pretty self explainitory...today wasn't all that difficult, but getting around was pretty tough. After lunch, they made us go to all of our classes by ourselves without our advisory teachers (they were there for most of the morning). thank GOD they gave us maps. I wouldn't know what the hell was I was going. However, almost all of my classes are on one wing, so it's not really that difficult to find. Im just worried about tomarrow when EVERYONE is there...meaning the sophmores, the juniors and the seniors....yep, it was just us freshmen today...lucky us, we get to get shoved into lockers and will have no other name than "freshmen" to the upperclassmen. But I have senior protection! from a family friend (i hope, we dont talk much...) Kim's sister (again, I hope, I dont know if im still on the good list xD) and from the cashier at walgreens! I dont know her name, but she said if I have any problems I can talk to her, so im like, yay! xD well ill probably post again tomarrow...only itll be more detailed..im too tired to write anymore...till later!
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:16 am
Sept. 2
Highschool-land is kinda fun! As afraid as I am of the upperclassmen (who we've made aquaintences with at the bust stop...only 2 really, but they're nice xD) I already feel comfortable. THE GYM HAS SHINEY FLOORS!! I like the shiney floors xD And my teachers are great too. I can't wait for 4th period every day, it's my english class, and the teacher is so freakin funny.
In spanish, the teacher had us make "spanish names." I chose to be Paco...then megan came up with "Paco-dot" which I thought was cute, so Im gonna ask if I can change it to that. I really highly doubt that I like Kim anymore. Only about 20% of me really does, and the other part tells me that there's more than one girl in the school xP So I have my pick at pretty much anyone...well, not anyone, but y'all know what I mean.
But anyway...Im bored, so Im gonna go. I'll be sure to write more about the fascenating world of Highschool-land again very soon...well, Tuesday, we have Monday off.
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:09 pm
Sept. 5
Aye...jeez. I got home at about 3-ish and JUST finnished getting my homework done. Oddly, it wan't much, but it took for freakin' EVER!
I got 2 new books! (yay ^_^) and got Megsi-poppit to read my favorite lesbian book xD (dw it was nothing bad, its just a classic love story between two women. It's really nothing different that straight people. It's so sweet though! Reminds me so much of my ex and I when we were together, Megan said so too xD which is creepy O.o) I read one of the books in 2 days. Megan slept over the night we got them and we read for about 3 hours straight. Then at about midnight, we were up talking still, it went from happy and giddy and giggly to tears and tissues and sniffeling. It was so funny too. We told stories about our pasts, about highschool and our fears and about recent events which the public really doesn't need to know about ^_^. So yeah. That was basicly me weekend seeing that I spent friday sleeping since 5:30 that night until 9:30 the next morning. I slept 16 hours!!! I was all pleased with myself xD but anyway. That's basicly whats going on in my life so far...until next time then... heart
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