Ashura The Hedgehog(sonic fanfic)

[full_metal_shrimp]

This is a story i'll be writing about one of sonic's brothers Ashura i'll give a character list and put if they are good or evil also this will be a script version

Characters:
Ashura: Evil
Mecha Ashura: Evil
Mecha Sonic: Evil
Shadow: Neutral
Sonic: Good
Manic: Good
Sonia: Good

Here's what ashura looks likeand this is version 2 of ashura


*a noise of crackling is heard as ARK comes into view then inside ARK the crackling gets louder and laughter starts up suddenly a chaos blast is used with out the use of any of the chaos emeralds and Ashura stands there watching as ARK falls apart even more he then uses chaos control to warp and he appears on Mobius(home world of Sonic and the gang) and he looks around*
Ashura: hmm...now where is my dear brother Sonic?
*Ashura runs off leaving nothing but a green and black blur behind him as he heads towards the town hoping to draw his family out by causing damage meanwhile Sonic and his family(Manic and Sonia) are talking about how they haven't seen any baddies in a while when suddenly Ashura goes running past them and he skids to a stop turning and looking at them*
Ashura: heh so i have found my family *he walks towards them slowly and smirks as he closes his eyes*
Sonic: Ashura how did you get free from ARK?!! *gets into a fighting stance and looks to Manic and Sonia*get ready for a fight trust me Ashura is one tough fighter
Sonia: *gets in a fighting stance and looks at Ashura*Sonic...who is Ashura and why did he call us his family?*has never heard of or met Ashura because he's the oldest and she's the youngest*
Manic: *does the same and smirks getting ready to attack Ashura first*Sonic let me at him if he tries to attack first *doesn't know who Ashura is also since he's the second youngest*
Sonic: Ashura is our older brother *looks to Manic*he's mine to fight but if I fail then you get ready to fight side by side!
Ashura: *stops in his tracks and opens his eyes looking at them*now is this how to greet family or are you gonna hug me? *cracks his knuckles and gets ready to dash at them*
Sonia and Manic: HE'S OUR BROTHER!? *gets out of their fighting stances and walk towards Ashura*
Sonic: *grabs them and pushes them to the wall*your not gonna get near him...he's evil and will kill you with out a second thought *turns and faces Ashura*Manic...you and Sonia get out of here now! *transforms to his Super Sonic form and flies at Ashura with full speed and he kicks at him*
Manic and Sonia: *stand and shake their heads*no we'll stay here and help
Ashura: *dodges the kick and looks at Sonic*heh it seems you've slowed down since you've gotten older while me on the other hand have given my soul for ultimate power and eternal youth *he jumps into the air and smirks hovering there for a few seconds*CHAOS BLAST!! *suddenly everything in a 20 foot radius of Ashura is desolated and he stares at Super Sonic smirking*see what I mean baby brother?!

oh and once your done reading this please post telling me what you think about it so far  

[full_metal_shrimp]

Super Sonic: *stands there looking at the remains of the buildings around him then he looks at Ashura*how did you do that with out a chaos emerald?!
Ashura: it takes practice and the remains of the unknown 8th chaos emerald which i found before i was locked up and smashed placing the pieces in my body *smirks*they disappeared once inside me so now there remains only 7 emeralds and I want them for ultimate power and destruction of Mobius! *runs at Super Sonic and he jumps into the air kicking at him*
Super Sonic: *dodges the kick with ease and he smirks*still slower than me bro *he flies at Ashura ready to kick him*
Ashura: *smirks and stands still waiting for Super Sonic to get right infront of him*CHAOS.....
Super Sonic: *speeds up and kicks right at Ashura's head trying to knock him out*
Ashura: CONTROL! *aims his hand at Super Sonic watching him freeze in time*heh *he then lifts his left arm up and turns facing Manic and Sonia*now for you two
Manic: *runs off at full speed and hides in the hideout*
Sonia: *watches and sighs then she runs to sonic and grabs him running off with him while trying to figure out how to unfreeze sonic*

yea this issue was short but i did that so you would read it  

[full_metal_shrimp]

Characters Added:
Tails: Good

Sonia and Manic: *arrives at Underground HQ and look around then he set sonic down and sighs*TAILS!!!
Tails: *crawls out from under the Tornado*What...happened to Sonic?!
Sonia: well to make a long story short Ashura froze him
Tails: ASHURA IS BACK...but how?!
Manic: he escaped how else?
Tails: but how did he escape?
Sonia and Manic: he use Chaos Blast then he used Chaos Control on Sonic
Tails: how sonic has all 7 emeralds
Sonia and Manic: he found the 8th emerald and used chaos blast on it then he placed the shards in his body which made them disolve and now he can use those powers with out an emerald.
Tails: ok well time to un-freeze Sonic *turns and pulls out a machine he just built then he presses a button watching a ray hit sonic and reverse the effects of chaos control but it also returned Sonic from Super Sonic to just plain Sonic

This will just go 10 issues then i'll be done  

[sarah_gambino]

nice story so far  

[Clefaiiry]

It's really good! I'll route for you! Oh! What is Sonic without Amy, Cream, Cheese, Knuckles, and Rouge?  

[full_metal_shrimp]

Characters Added:
Knuckles: Good
Amy: Good
Cream: Good
Cheese: Good
Blaze: Good
Mecha Knuckles: Evil
Mecha Shadow: Evil


Sonic: *looks around and blinks*great i was defeated *he sighs and sits on the ground then he looks at everyone*i'm going to need a team
Tails: *nods and walks to a computer then he calls Knuckles up on it with a video phone*Knuckles...do you remember Sonic's brother Ashura?
Knuckles: yea but he was sealed away so we shouldn't worry about him
Tails: well...he's escaped and is now back for revenge
Knuckles: what? how did he escape?
Sonic: he found a hidden Chaos emerald and shattered it then he absorbed it into his body
Knuckles: WHAT!! *walks to the Master Emerald*CHAO CONTROL! *he teleports himself to where everyone is and looks at them*I'm willing to help
Sonic: i knew you would say that
Shadow: *comes running in and looks at sonic*I'll take those Chaos Emeralds from you now Sonic
Sonic: not now Shadow we're preparing to stop my evil brother...wanna join the team?
Shadow: hmm a fight against Sonic's brother....I'm in on one condition i get all 7 chaos emeralds afterward
Sonic: you'll have to fight me for them
Shadow: fine i'll help and fight you afterward
Knuckles: SONIC!
Sonic: what?
Knuckles: if he wins he'll use the emeralds to destroy the planet
Sonic: so what he's easier to defeat than my brother
Amy: *comes running in and hits sonic in the head with her mallet*you'll never run away from me again Sonic
Sonic: *unconcious*
Knuckles: Amy we're busy getting ready for a fight
Amy: oh sorry
Cream: Becareful
Cheese: ^_^

next issue the mecha's will be built and used by Ashura  

[sarah_gambino]

keep writing more  

[full_metal_shrimp]

Characters for issue 5:
Team 1:
Sonic
Knuckles
Shadow
Blaze
Espio
Big

Non Fighters:
Sonia
Manic
Amy
Tails
Cream
Cheese

Team 2:
Ashura
Mecha Sonic
Mecha Shadow
Mecha Knuckles
Mecha Tails
Mecha Espio  

[sarah_gambino]

could you add silver the hedgehog and mephiles  

[full_metal_shrimp]

alright i'll add silver the hedgehog and mephiles the dark

this is what silver the hedgehog looks like
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c4/Sonicnext8.jpg

and this is both versions of mephiles

version 1


version 2
 

[Goddess Ace]

I think the writing could be worked on a bit. Capitalization and punctuation are really needed.

Instead of using ** try writing out as a sentence then space it between dialogue such as...

Quote:

A noise of crackling is heard as ARK comes into view. Then inside ARK the crackling gets louder and laughter starts up suddenly. A chaos blast is used with out the use of any of the chaos emeralds and Ashura stands there watching as ARK falls apart even more. He then uses chaos control to warp and he appears on Mobius(home world of Sonic and the gang). He looks around.

Ashura: Hmm...now where is my dear brother Sonic?

It's easier to read, do you have microsoft word?  

[full_metal_shrimp]

no i don't sadly  

[Goddess Ace]

Aww, it's so much easier to have something pick up mistakes. I wonder if there's any other programs.  

[full_metal_shrimp]

i can't think of anything else that helps with writing stories