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Stone of Agony

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please don't laugh
  ok.
  hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
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Rorschach and Prozac

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 8:55 pm
It's my story. Please don't laugh. Please comment. It's the first three chapters.

Stone of Agony

Part 1. Descendents

chapter 1
Blaze

"And so we go"
Pendragon


"That's him!"
"Him?"
"Yes him!"
"Are you sure?"
"No, it's the other cat guy."
"Well jeez, how am is supposed to know?"
"HE'S A CAT GUY!!!"
"Hey! What are you doing?"
Blaze had just noticed the two kids behind him, one who was pointing to him. He wasn't good at telling human ages, but he was guessing that the pale, brown haired boy was 10, and the pale black haired child looked around 12. They looked similar, so he assumed correctly that they were brothers.
The black haired boy spoke first, a confident look in his eyes.
"My brother Joey didn't believe me when I told him you can shoot fire! But you can, can't you?"
"Yes, I can." Blaze replied coolly.
"I told you Joey"
"I don't believe him Bobby, make him show me!"
"Can you?" Bobby asked hopefully.
Without responding, Blaze pointed to a nearby tree, instantly a jet of flame burst from his fingertip and collided with the tree, engulfing it in flame.
"WHOA!"
"That's awesome"
"C'mon, let's go tell everyone!"
Blaze smiled to himself. He could hardly remember being that young, he felt as if he had been 16 forever. he began to reminisce his childhood, but his thought were interrupted by a mysterious stranger.
"Impressive"
"Wha- who are you"
"You will find that out, but not until the girl is here, I must tell you both at once."
The stranger wore all black clothing with a black trench coat with a hood to cover his face. He held a large gun and had a soft, cold voice.
"How do you-" Blaze began, but the stranger cut him off
"It doesn't matter, you will accompany me to my lair."
"Who says I wanna go?" Blaze challenged.
"I didn't ask if you wanted to."
And with that note, the stranger lifted his gun and aimed it at Blaze. Blaze tried to shoot fire at him, but the stranger whispered an incantation, and the fire disappeared just before hitting him. He fired at Blaze, and a large net came out, capturing Blaze. Blaze tried to go into dragon mode, but a lightning bolt forced back into human form. The last thing he saw was Bobby, Joey, and the stranger walking toward him, and then he blacked out.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 2
Keadah

"What is you're rush dear, come stay awhile."
"I can't, I'm chasing the white rabbit"
-Alice in Wonderland


Blaze was hurt. Keadah new immediately. It was a special feeling that dragons got when they're friends were hurt. It wasn't a physical feeling, but it wasn't exactly a mental feeling either. It didn't translate into the human language because it was a feeling that only dragons felt. The closest word for it was "sensed", but it went much deeper than that. She decided to try to find him. With a sharp whistle a cloud appeared. Keadah jumped on it, and started looking for blaze. She tried to sense where the pain was coming from. She asked everyone she new if they had seen him. She had to get off the cloud when she entered the village, for magic was shunned there, but she didn't care, she looked desperately and asked everyone, but the answer was always the same.
"I'm sorry Keadah, I haven't seen him all day."
Suddenly, while she was looking for him in the forest, a little kid spoke.
"HI!"
The sound made her jump.
"Who are you, I've never seen you in the village. Do you know where Blaze is?"
"My name is Bobby."
"That's nice kid, do you know where Blaze is?"
Keadah was starting to get frustrated, this seemed to be getting her no where.
"Yes."
"WHERE IS HE!?!?!?!?"
"Catch me and I'll tell you."
With that the little kid turned and ran. Keadah ran after him. She had to find Blaze. The kid moved like he wanted her to follow. He always moved quickly enough so she couldn't catch him, but slow enough to stay in sight. The path was hard, she was constantly twisting through trees, jumping over rocks. Finally they came to a clearing.
"OK kid, enough is enough. Where is Blaze?"
Without answering, the kid pulled a trap door up and jumped down. Keadah followed. There was a long ladder going down. After what Keadah guessed to be ten minutes she got to the bottom. she turned around, and gasped. Under the island was the biggest castle she had ever seen. It must have been 200 ft. tall and twice as wide. It was pitch black and looked like it had many defenses. She walked up to the guard at the gate.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Keadah."
"State your business."
"I'm looking for my friend, Blaze. I followed some kid here who told me he knew where he was."
The guard proceeded to press a radio button and passed on the information.
"Excellent" a cold voice responded " I was beginning to think she wouldn't show up. Send her in."
The gates opened and Keadah walked forward, into the unknown.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 3
The Elders

"I can already tell, looks like this
is gonna be ONE HELL OF A PARTY!"
-Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening



Blaze sat in a net like a hooked fish. How could he let this happen to himself, and who was this
guy who captured him. He never showed his face.
"Well,"the stranger said,"it seems your friend has come."
"WHAT! KEADAH? PUT ONE FINGER ON HER AND I'll-"
"Shut up, I'm not going to do anything to your little girlfriend"
"What- I- heh heh- no- she's just my friend."
"Of course she is, at any rate she's here in the castle. Now that I've got both of you together, I can explain what's going on."
"What are you talking about, you keep saying-"
A loud knock interrupted Blaze. Suddenly there was an explosion of light, and the large doors fell down completely
"BLAZE!"
"KEADAH!"
"Excellent."
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO BLAZE!!!"
Keadah was angry, her eyes had a golden glow, her hair was standing up and her whole body was glowing silver.
"I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
Keadah charged at the stranger at full speed, her fist glowing Golden, she looked like a comet. A silver, angry comet with yellow eyes. She almost hit him when he held up a hand, whispered an incantation which created an invisible shield which knocked Keadah back.
"Calm down before you blow the place up. Now, you're probably wondering who I am."
"No, we don't really care who you are." Blaze responded sarcastically.
Sethron glared at blaze for a moment and went on.
"I told you I would explain everything when the girl came, and I will."
"This should clear some things up."
"Long ago, there was a creature born of evil. A vampire was born with silver K-9's, and was called Silverfang. His powers progressed more than any other vampire in History. His powers were fearsome, equally fearsome was his rage. One day in blind fury, he destroyed everyone in his village. It was then that he realized how powerful he truly was. He began his march of destruction, everything that opposed him was destroyed, he crushed all kingdoms, and everything was under his rule. Then, four sages stood up to him, born with magnificent powers, they fought valiantly. Though he was to powerful to kill, they were able to weaken him enough to seal him in the volcano that leads to the center of the earth. He was bound with the chains of fate, and the volcano was blocked with the mountain of ages. Every thousand years he escapes to wreak havoc, and every thousand years the power of the sages is given to their descendents, and one is given the task of telling the others. Blaze, you are fire, Keadah, you are light, Kari is water, and I am Darkness."
"Who's Kari?" Keadah asked.
"You will meet her later, I've already told her. I would have told you earlier, but you've been so damn hard to find."
"So we're related?" Keadah asked.
"We're not blood related, we're descendents in mind, spirit, and potential"
" So we're not insane?" Blaze asked.
"What?" Sethron asked looking puzzled.
"Well, our village doesn't believe in magic,"Keadah explained, "They said we were either insane, making it up, or both."
"I can assure you, you are not insane."
"So," Blaze said casually, " you're name is Sethron apparently, It's written on you're throne, you're a king?"
" It's Pronounced Sehtrun, and no, I'm not a king, it this is the sages castle and it is up to the first one born to tell the others the story and decorate the castle." Sethron replied
The castle was Pitch black with red carpets and curtains; there were three thrones next to Sethron, one red, one gold, and one blue. The castle was massive and teeming with guards.
"Take off your hood." Keadah said
"What do you mean?" Asked Sethron.
"Take it off," Keadah demanded "so I can see you're face."
"Very well." Sethron sighed
He took off his hood to reveal his face, covered in twisting and winding scars. His face was gnarled, except for his pitch-black hair, which probably hid more scars, and around his eyes was a blindfold.
"I - gah- uh- I mean- what happened?" Blaze stammered
"Well, I had a nasty encounter with Silverfang, thought I could take him down myself. What ended up happening was a blast of evil energy hit my face, full blast, left me scarred and burned out my eyes."
"How can you see?" Keadah asked.
"I see with second sight, a gift given to noble warriors. Several wizards, warriors, and sages I can name had second sight; anyways, we should get going."
“Where?” Blaze asked.
"To go get Kari."  
PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 9:07 am
It's not very good...

Personally, I like descriptions at the beginning so I can picture it better. Lots of descriptions...and longer chapters. Much longer.

Sorry if I seem to be holding you to an unrealistic expectation, but most of what I read is novels...it tends to color my expectations.  

thunderstorm101

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