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| Total Votes : 6 |
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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 4:16 pm
Breaking to pieces, what answer can I give
A shattered heart can only cry but once
Before they fail to love again
A price to be paid dearly for...
Though it's bleeding from open wounds
It's your touch that they crave
Whispering for that brief contact
A heart to be reopened in hate
Your gentle caresses drive me insane
When next they can prove fatal
But I can not leave for my broken body
Wants to exist only for you...
My demise is very clear in my mind
A soul to be abandoned in hope
Slipping from a dangerous place
What answer can I give
Literally a spontaneous poem...please I could use good constructive criticism!
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 5:32 pm
I like it. Um, a little punctuation would be good here and there. For example, after "what answer can I give" add a question mark. I like the idea around it. All that doubt and resignation I felt from it was very inspiring. Great job.
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:08 am
I like it! I bet you'll end up in the poetry books soon! biggrin
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:16 pm
eh! eek the books...b-but... sweatdrop im not that great...
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:39 am
well, maybe not yet...but I'm sure you'll only keep improving. biggrin
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