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| Is this poem good? |
| yes |
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71% |
[ 5 ] |
| no |
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28% |
[ 2 ] |
| could be better |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 7 |
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 Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:58 pm
the pure innocence of a lost little boy who cant see the faults of the troops ploy, he holds his head high, flag in his hand, hes gonna go out and fight for his land, even if it means fighting for a cause made up by the lies he was told, now he is numb from the killing and sick from the cold, misses his mommy and cant find his love, hes so hungry that he eats a raw dove, he cant think straight, and all he feel s hate, hate for the past, and hate for the new, now his legs are frozen from the dew, his gun is loaded and his mouth is full, hes getting ready for the pull, hes sees his mark, makes a wish, bang goes the gun and there goes his brain into his tin dish, who knew he couldnt take it? He believed all the lies, and now his soul is gone for he has died, all because the govt lied........
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:36 am
aww....I think it might be easier to read if there were stanzas, though. For example:
The pure innocence of a lost little boy
Who can't see the faults of the troops' ploy....
It really is good!
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Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 3:44 pm
Stanzas would be very helpful in this situation,
it's very sad, but maybe you could put more detail
into it, detail always rocks. Otherwise it's just so
sad that did happen a lot like during the civil war sad
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 6:21 am
i agree with both of them stanzas and detail. but it is one of the best poems i have seen today biggrin . if you ever need help writing just pm me ok. biggrin
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