Five days left.
My own dreams give me insight to how I truly feel about these situations in life, and they depress me. It all does, all contributes to the feeling that I made a huge mistake, or at least many different mistakes, this year. But I won't change it, even if I can, because that would be dishonest to myself.
But there's the other half, that I want so desperately to change but can't, because nobody will listen. They won't listen to my realizations of life that were caused by sudden emotions that I had never known the depth of until it was too late.
I want to not feel emotion at all- to be completely detached from the emotional side of life, like I was for a short time before.
I had not learned from that, I was too young. I did not learn from the first situation that came to be through soembody else's shallowness. I did not learn from the first situation that came to be through my own emotion. And I did not learn from the second, that came from my own loneliness. I did not learn from the second still, the one that forced upon me but left me, too, against my will. Will I be able to keep the the third from coming to be, by staying away? But I did not learn from the third situation, either, the unchangable one.
Nobody listens to me, and nobody cares about that half of me. So nobody will understand me fully.
 Excel Ichigo · Fri Jul 01, 2005 @ 06:52pm · 0 Comments |
