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from the words of another
Hmmm... So im home now... Home from the Memorial... It was good to see them all happy... It was good....... But.... Theres alot more to say... Hmmm... The school day didnt end so well between me and jess... Hmmm.... And now... Im kinda a wreck.... Jess... Barley looked at me.. Hmmm.... And right now... Mike informed me that her uncle died today... Hmmmm... But its good to know.... That all her friends, everyone around her.. Can make her smile and laugh so hard..... Hmmm... I shook her mothers hand today... She walked right past me when i was in the doorway... and i was gonna give up... but now.... She turned around kinda smiling... but i said "Hello Mrs. Garcia" and he smile was gone and i got one of the most hatefull looks i've ever seen... but she shook my hand.... But does it make any difference now.... Hmm...... So... i'm in tears right now.... Because... I'm useless... Its a bad feeling when your useless.... So... I wanted to kill myself when i walked in the door... Hmm.... I still want to... But im stuck in so many places... Its tearing me up... Hmmm... What will I do now? I don't know.... But I will explain my every though... Every feeling... Every single thing I have... All I can remember.. Is the day I held a gun to my head... Ready to die... But I didnt... Hmm... But my feelings... I love her... I love her so much... And Im an idiot for everything i've ever done... Im an idiot for hurting her, im an idiot for.. making her follow me.. im an idiot for showing her no bit of respect... im an idiot for treating her like dirt... im a ******** idiot for not treating her with love... I hate myself.... Im such an idiot... The only one good thought i have... Is the fact that she can still be happy... That she can eventually get over me... Hmmm... I was able to see it...... She is just a girl still... Still a child... She has a wonderful life.. She has a beautiful smile, and eyes that can take anyones heart...... She is wonderful... She is like... Music.... So many things can be said.. And so many feelings can be made...... Jessica Garcia.... Remember that name... Because no name is more beautiful..... This girl.... You could travel billions of miles... Just to be able to lay with her for ten minutes... And when the time was up, and she dissapeared... You would know... That all the pain of the walking..... Was worth it... And you'd begin to walk again... This girl is pure of heart... She's never done anything to deserve pain... And even when she gets pain... She treats everyone with respect... I hope that.. Her parents are at least a little proud.. A little happy... That they brought such an amazing child to this world... That they raised... An amazing person.... She is one of a kind..... And the boy who has her... The boy who marries her... grows old with her... dies with her... Will be the luckiest guy in the world... And he'd better charish that forever... Or he is no better than I am..... So Now... I go..... Jess.... I love you... I probably wont kill myself... Because I know... What it would do to you..... And I dont want that... If this continues... Ill go back home.... To stop this insanity.... Hmmmm... Her favorite color was dark blue... So... I made this....
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I�ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You�re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
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