|
|
|
Pheeewie.
Well, here's a list of what I'm going to talk about:
Moving
Work
Family
Saboten-Con/Cosplaying
I recently moved again, but this time it was actually in state. Even more shocking is that it's in TOWN. xDD Anyway, we moved from my old house into a much smaller apartment. Personally, I like it. Two things that I don't like is: a.) These blinds let ALL of the ******** light into my room and b.) These walls seem to be made of paper, because I can hear everything in the entire apartment. Drives me nuts. xD Anyway... I'm really glad to be out of that house. Even though it is, in fact, a smaller space with my mom, it is more comfortable. I went back into my old room one last time after everything had been packed away and cleaned and... I don't know. I felt strong emotions there, even though there was nothing left inside of it except for the usual walls and carpet. It was like... I just felt general hatred and other things in it. Memories I guess.
I also think that I've been fired. I asked for the day off two weeks ago, very short notice, because I had to do a final for school during the time that I worked. And so I got the day off. I also got the next day off, along with the entire following week. And, even this week, I haven't been put on the schedule. I'd been planning to quit anyway, but it's kind of ******** up that they fired me because I asked so short notice for a day off. I've worked at that place for over a year, never gone home sick, and I've only had four sick days. I always try to be nice to everyone and the customers. Our manager is odd, but... still. I'm not trying to sound too high and mighty, but you don't find teenagers who don't constantly call in sick. I've gone to work sick and even if I start to feel sick at work I don't ask to go home early. Thank you very much for firing me, Louisa. I feel the love. =_=
I do, in fact, just want to take the summer off from work and school. I just... need... a break. I've already lost a lot if not most of my "innocence" (whatever you want to call a kid-like, immaturity) and I'm already in college, first year done and working. It'll suck not having a job because I won't have money to spend, but... this is me being a kid and I'm kind of sucking a** at it. I mean, what's my purpose? I know that I want to be a writer, but here I am working away and doing school like an adult and other crap even though I honestly don't need to yet. Sometimes I'll be working or studying and I don't even know WHY I'm doing it.
And it's true that when people ask for my opinion that my usual response is, "it doesn't matter" but the people around me need to ASK for my opinion. I'm getting tired of my stupid brother just getting up and saying: "we're going for a walk" or, "we're going swimming!" He never asks me if I want to go. And whenever I say that I don't want to I'm apparently misbehaving or being lazy. Well then ask for my fricking opinion. If I don't actually care, okay then! I don't care. But having people just assume, never asking me... it's pissing me off. Maybe I'm being selfish about this? I can't tell. But currently, my brother is... I've kind of set him down on the side with my mother, which is a shame because before I really looked forward to seeing him. Now, I don't like it at all. Whenever he shows up... eh.
Am I being cruel about this? I don't love my mother and my brother is being pushed off to the side. Maybe if I cherished these bonds moreso I wouldn't, but I don't. To me, blood means nothing. Anyone can claim to be my brother because we're related, but to be my brother or my sister is something totally different for me. I guess I got it from my father. I'm half of what he is, but I don't consider him very much of anything aside from my biological father. Why should I consider him my father, father when he hasn't done anything for me? A family is a bond, something different, that is not about blood. That's how I define family.
And, still, beyond the blood family that I actually have I'm not sure if I have much. I consider Miyu, Knightraven and Alika-chan to be like an actual family to me. I'm not sure how it works, but to me they're like my brother and sisters. Rose, Fool Me Twice, is... I guess more than a brother to me. Not exactly in a romantic way. I guess that I'm just not sure how to explain it, but he is family.
I was at a friend's house a while ago and, while I was there, I realized a really sad fact. I was more comfortable there than I was around my family. I think that the only sibling that I can be around and let my guard down almost fully is my sister, Audree (aka "Squishie" wink and she lives up in New Jersey. But... it's kind of sad, being more comfortable inside of a household and around friends and sort of family that isn't mine. I think that maybe I'm leeching somehow- I see their bonds and I try to take some of it for myself because I want it. So I try to make myself purposely comfortable. I'm not sure. I just know that it's pretty pathetic....
I'm going to go see my sister, Audree, sometime during the summer. I'm not sure when, but I'd like for it to happen ASAP. I'm also going to go to Saboten-Con this weekend. It's in Phoenix, Arizona. I forgot that the last day to purchase three-day passes was yesterday, so I freaked and bought some tickets this morning. Surprisingly, even though the things said that last day to buy tickets was May 18th, it still let me purchase a three day pass. Unfortunately, I was total douche bag and forgot to change the mailing address on PayPal to my new residence. I sent them an e-mail telling them, but beats me if they'll get it. I'm just hoping that they won't actually snail-mail my tickets and that it'll be a pick-up-at-the-door kind of thing. I'd also like to cosplay there, specially as Haku from Naruto. Buuut, I never started on his costume and so if I wanted to cosplay as him I'd have to complete the entire costume (aka sewing) by Friday. I don't actually have anything else do to, but I'm still very, very wet behind the ears when it comes to sewing, so I'm not sure if I could finish it fast enough. ;___; Fuzen wants me to go as Tifa, but... no. I'm not going as Tifa. xDD Wish me luck!
 MythicalYoko · Mon May 19, 2008 @ 08:49pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
