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My screenname is Earth Logics. This is a lot to share, so please, be kind
Earth Logics (8:00:09 PM): people who havent gone through what we have will never understand. i say that because i almost punched my sister out with
what she said to me
Earth Logics (8:00:36 PM): and if i say something like that to anyone else they kind of just shrug
tehprfectdrug (8:01:02 PM): what happened?
Earth Logics (8:01:27 PM): me and my ma were arguing and my sisters jumped in
Earth Logics (8:01:32 PM): cuz they do that
Earth Logics (8:02:21 PM): and um, Chachi says "so just because you see him once or twice every few years, youre not going to come home?"
Earth Logics (8:03:11 PM): so I say " well, sorry Chachi, seeing my cousin who raped me for fiev years of my life isnt going to give me happy ******** butterflies in my stomach. what an a*****e thing to say"
Earth Logics (8:03:33 PM): so she says it wasnt an a*****e comment
tehprfectdrug (8:03:40 PM): thats pretty ******** dumb
tehprfectdrug (8:04:13 PM): i don't know how your family can just look past that
Earth Logics (8:04:36 PM): i dont know either, but it definately makes me feel like s**t
tehprfectdrug (8:04:58 PM): understandably
Earth Logics (8:05:04 PM): and my ma just says "get over it and stop living in the past"
tehprfectdrug (8:05:16 PM): ha
Earth Logics (8:05:19 PM): yea
Earth Logics (8:05:32 PM): im on the verge of an explosion of rage
tehprfectdrug (8:05:46 PM): yeah, she's lucky you don't visit him just to ******** murder him
tehprfectdrug (8:06:07 PM): then you can get over it
Earth Logics (8:06:16 PM): theyre lucky i havent murdered him when he came to my house and just stood behind me
Earth Logics (8:06:30 PM): i picked up a knife but my aunt stopped me
Earth Logics (8:06:40 PM): yea
tehprfectdrug (8:06:48 PM): thats really ******** up
Earth Logics (8:06:48 PM): that would make me feel better
tehprfectdrug (8:07:20 PM): haha just tell them you'll go if they're alright with you killing him in front of everyone
Earth Logics (8:07:21 PM): i cant talk to my gramma because my grampa raped my aunt and is still with him
Earth Logics (8:07:29 PM): heh heh
Earth Logics (8:07:40 PM): i know
tehprfectdrug (8:07:49 PM): they're the ******** up ones for thinking rape is ok
Earth Logics (8:07:53 PM): but my sisters tel me that he's still their favorite cousin
Earth Logics (8:08:08 PM): i know
tehprfectdrug (8:08:13 PM): ha he wouldn't be their favorite if he raped them too
Earth Logics (8:08:33 PM): yea but i dont wish this on anyone
tehprfectdrug (8:08:46 PM): yeah, and they shouldn't either
tehprfectdrug (8:09:08 PM): the very fact that he hurt their own sister that way should spark something in their brains
Earth Logics (8:09:17 PM): it doesnt
tehprfectdrug (8:09:19 PM): "hmm, maybe he's not that great..."
Earth Logics (8:10:28 PM): so i think that im going to bring them to jail
Earth Logics (8:10:41 PM): but im terrified because im going to be all by myself
tehprfectdrug (8:10:51 PM): bring who to jail?
Earth Logics (8:10:56 PM): my cousin and my dad
tehprfectdrug (8:11:08 PM): nobody can testify for you?
Earth Logics (8:11:27 PM): i dont know what that means
tehprfectdrug (8:11:50 PM): if you want to send them to prison, you'll obviously need to go through a court process
tehprfectdrug (8:12:05 PM): which means people need to testify against them
tehprfectdrug (8:12:33 PM): it would be really hard if you don't have anyone to testify on your behalf
tehprfectdrug (8:12:52 PM): and impossible if you had your own family members testifying against you
Earth Logics (8:13:06 PM): thats why ive never done it
Earth Logics (8:13:18 PM): because i dont have anyone on my side
tehprfectdrug (8:13:33 PM): and the other thing is that you'd need to go to the state where it happened
Earth Logics (8:13:41 PM): id have to do it in two states
tehprfectdrug (8:13:45 PM): yeah
tehprfectdrug (8:13:59 PM): and these things take ******** forever
tehprfectdrug (8:14:10 PM): remember how long it took me to just get eddie put away?
Earth Logics (8:14:17 PM): yea
tehprfectdrug (8:14:33 PM): i wish your family would just come to their senses
Earth Logics (8:14:33 PM): i almost punched the back of his ******** head
tehprfectdrug (8:14:57 PM): if they supported you it would be so much easier
Earth Logics (8:15:41 PM): but unfortuantely they dont care because its too much for them to think about
Earth Logics (8:15:56 PM): but its too much for me to live with
tehprfectdrug (8:16:28 PM): i almost wanna tell you to talk to a counselor, so maybe you could have someone to testify for you
Earth Logics (8:16:37 PM): i need to
Earth Logics (8:16:53 PM): but i have to wait until i get health insurance down here
tehprfectdrug (8:16:59 PM): yeah
tehprfectdrug (8:17:14 PM): and you also need to think about lawyer fees...
Earth Logics (8:17:28 PM): yea, its gonna suck
Earth Logics (8:18:04 PM): but theyve lived happy lives while i wandered around in hell, so maybe i should send them to jail so they can get a** raped
Earth Logics (8:18:16 PM): ******** the fee
tehprfectdrug (8:18:24 PM): it'd be worth it
tehprfectdrug (8:18:31 PM): you can finally get justice
tehprfectdrug (8:18:45 PM): which nobody else seems to give a s**t
Earth Logics (8:18:54 PM): which is all i want
tehprfectdrug (8:19:09 PM): i had a friend who went through almost the same exact thing you did
tehprfectdrug (8:19:21 PM): with her dad, only maybe not as much as you did
tehprfectdrug (8:19:37 PM): and she thinks he raped her older sister regularly too
tehprfectdrug (8:19:49 PM): and her family was the same way
Earth Logics (8:20:08 PM): "lets pretend it didnt happen"
tehprfectdrug (8:20:19 PM): her mom would actually make all of them go to visit him and end up ******** him even though they divorced
Earth Logics (8:20:38 PM): its disgusting
Earth Logics (8:20:43 PM): and pathetic
tehprfectdrug (8:20:52 PM): very
tehprfectdrug (8:21:25 PM): the thing i remember her saying was she was sleeping on the couch and she woke up to him pissing all over her
Earth Logics (8:22:04 PM): oh man
Earth Logics (8:22:20 PM): what drives people to do this
tehprfectdrug (8:22:36 PM): its almost like they breed just so they have extra things to ********
Earth Logics (8:23:07 PM): thats ironic cuz thats what my dad said to me
tehprfectdrug (8:23:18 PM): seriously?
Earth Logics (8:23:22 PM): yea
tehprfectdrug (8:23:34 PM): he had you so he could ******** you?
Earth Logics (8:24:34 PM): this is what he said "i love you a lot, and i knew you would grow up to be a beautiful woman, and as my daughter you would do what i say."
tehprfectdrug (8:25:13 PM): sick
Earth Logics (8:25:34 PM): he told me that it was ok, and that dad's are allowed to do this
Earth Logics (8:25:41 PM): that they even make porn like that
Earth Logics (8:26:06 PM): and i didnt understand anything
Earth Logics (8:26:21 PM): cuz i was raised extremely naiive
tehprfectdrug (8:26:26 PM): the thought of that makes me sooo sick
Earth Logics (8:26:34 PM): because i was a jehavahs witness kid
tehprfectdrug (8:27:10 PM): i can't even imagine my dad even thinking about that
Earth Logics (8:27:21 PM): thats cuz your dad is awesome
Earth Logics (8:27:28 PM): =)
tehprfectdrug (8:27:31 PM): haha
tehprfectdrug (8:27:51 PM): nobody should have to deal with anything less though
Earth Logics (8:27:58 PM): agreed
tehprfectdrug (8:28:02 PM): everybody's dad should be awesome
tehprfectdrug (8:28:17 PM): i wish my mom was awesome too, but she's not
Earth Logics (8:28:25 PM): you know what people have tried to tell me to make me feel bad for them
Earth Logics (8:28:34 PM): yea, well both my parents suck
Earth Logics (8:28:38 PM): and my aunts
tehprfectdrug (8:28:40 PM): HAHAHA
Earth Logics (8:28:40 PM): and cousin
Earth Logics (8:28:47 PM): yea exactly
Earth Logics (8:28:55 PM): "they were molested as children too"
tehprfectdrug (8:29:15 PM): they don't see how your family sucks?
Earth Logics (8:29:17 PM): so now it makes even less sense
Earth Logics (8:29:47 PM): no, everyone asks me what ive done to my mother to make her treat me like s**t
Earth Logics (8:29:58 PM): or how i enticed my cousin and my dad
tehprfectdrug (8:30:11 PM): yeah, little girls are such sluts
Earth Logics (8:30:17 PM): totally
Earth Logics (8:30:26 PM): watching sailor moon makes me totalyhot
tehprfectdrug (8:30:30 PM): "oh daddy, i want you to ******** me"
tehprfectdrug (8:30:38 PM): oh no, i could never!"
Earth Logics (8:30:41 PM): "with chocolate milk
tehprfectdrug (8:31:04 PM): "but please daddy, you must! i'm so young!"
tehprfectdrug (8:31:09 PM): ....well, ok then
Earth Logics (8:31:21 PM): yea thats exactly how it went, i guess
Earth Logics (8:31:24 PM): thats what people think
tehprfectdrug (8:31:29 PM): it doesn't even make sense
tehprfectdrug (8:31:48 PM): because little girls know exactly how to seduce men for sex
tehprfectdrug (8:31:59 PM): they've had lots of practice with their school friends
tehprfectdrug (8:32:48 PM): one of my stepdad's excuses was that he thought i was my mother
Earth Logics (8:33:07 PM): ?!
Earth Logics (8:33:16 PM): thats just ******** ridiculous
tehprfectdrug (8:33:22 PM): yeah, because a 12 year old girl feels exactly like a full grown woman who was 7 months pregnant
Earth Logics (8:33:59 PM): oh yea. completely hard to not know the difference
Earth Logics (8:34:14 PM): hes just ******** perverted
tehprfectdrug (8:34:28 PM): the thing that bothers me the most is that what he did wasn't nearly as severe as what happened to you
tehprfectdrug (8:34:50 PM): but i'm the one who gets justice for it, and nobody can even acknowledge hat happened to you
tehprfectdrug (8:34:55 PM): what*
Earth Logics (8:35:15 PM): yea but it doesnt matter the degree, you still deserved justice
tehprfectdrug (8:35:22 PM): everyone does
tehprfectdrug (8:36:13 PM): you just deserve twice as much, because there's two ******** walking free and living normal lives that should be getting raped in the a**
Earth Logics (8:36:41 PM): yea, but it wont happen
Earth Logics (8:36:49 PM): not for awhile
Earth Logics (8:36:59 PM): not until i can get at least one person
Earth Logics (8:37:12 PM): my ma wont testify against my dad
Earth Logics (8:37:17 PM): but will against my cousin
Earth Logics (8:37:29 PM): my sisters wont testify against either
Earth Logics (8:37:34 PM): i dont know about my aunt
Earth Logics (8:37:48 PM): my cousins brother doesnt know
Earth Logics (8:38:09 PM): my gramma wont do that to her grankid, but will against my dad
tehprfectdrug (8:38:28 PM): well at least you have a little chance against both
tehprfectdrug (8:38:53 PM): it might take a lot of time
tehprfectdrug (8:39:00 PM): but you need to make it happen
tehprfectdrug (8:39:05 PM): whenever you can
Earth Logics (8:39:56 PM): im going to try
tehprfectdrug (8:40:19 PM): i gotta go shower and s**t for work
Earth Logics (8:40:23 PM): k
Earth Logics (8:40:27 PM): thanks for talking
tehprfectdrug (8:40:27 PM): ...not literally s**t
Earth Logics (8:40:29 PM): lol
tehprfectdrug (8:40:30 PM): but you know
tehprfectdrug (8:40:33 PM): haha
Earth Logics (8:40:37 PM): i was on the verge of cutting
Earth Logics (8:40:43 PM): i havent done that s**t for years
tehprfectdrug (8:40:52 PM): it's best if you don't
tehprfectdrug (8:41:01 PM): if you ever need to talk know i'm here
I'm a strong person, but my heart has constantly been in pain. I would like to say it's good to have a friend that understands, but the only person who understands has been sexually abused too.
My sadness is soul deep, and I've tried to shake it off, but it's something I have to learn to accept as a part of myself.
Thanks family.
 Clarus Luna Somnium · Wed Jul 16, 2008 @ 02:03am · 0 Comments |
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