Im never good with diaries.. or such and i dont promise much but i will try to write when i feel a need.. im not sure i have the need now but oh well i feel kinda bummed that i get one entry a day because emotions and events can change and i may need to write more then once oh well lets see.. Here i am in my little room covered in purple typing into a computer that i dont know who will read... probally no one but yeah.. my older sister ericka says that purple walls make people crazy and im beginnning to think she is right considering that i have recently become emotional since this stupid paint job.. but i must admit i love the color.. i am in highschool and on the yearbook staff.. and i have recently found i love taking pictures.. a problem that i have with everything though, it that i have trouble finding inspiration.. so i rely on whatever work someone gives me.. i kinda like to be a muse or think of myself as one.. i like to help people write, i was so proud that the girls i helped in yearbook, their page got picked as best one from this deadline.. i am single now and part of me doesnt and does want to be it.. i miss the warmth from my ex, toms, arms, i miss the kisses we shared i missed just being able tohold hands and be there for each other. I must say that i was the one who broke up with him and that was over 7 months ago.. why cant i get over him.. i see him every day at school well not every and its the days that i dont see him that are happy days with me.. oh wow this is so unstructured.. oh well too bad.. um i broke up with tom to be with another guy davis and it was a change. He was nice but so boring@!!! you have no idea.. all he did was sit around and say im to tired to go on a walk... or something.. he did charm me at first i mean its nice to have a guy say you look pretty or when you smile it makes me smile and stuff like that, and i guess thats what drew me to him at first. GOSH!! now i feel nasty.. and i dont feel inclined to talk about it.. i mean maybe online journals arnt my thing because people can read them.. but then the thought of people reading them is invigorating.. i guess im afraid of people i know people who go to school with me to read this.. but i cant change the names to conceal the identity because then it wouldnt be the truth.. or i dont know i cant call tom bob or davis jack its just not right.. well yeah so you have seen a little bit of me now i can get on with my life.... or my day.. doesnt that sound selfish and pompous.. i never really thought of myself pompous until recently i mean when i was a kid my parents were divorced and still are but i always held myself as the victem...and i always thought people at school were making fun of me and just overall i made myself into a depressive person.. for no reason other than being paranoid.. yet i find that other people are in so many harder situations thatn i am... and i should be glad for what i have.. and i try to be i guess that means cleaning my room.. i wonder if im able to change this once im done and add too it that will be nice.. anyway today.. well i guess i should clean my room and hope that i can edit this thing.. so adios.. and hopefully i will write soon
perrin rose Community Member 
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