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I've come to realize I don't care much for people. I'm not a very sociable person, at least not in wanting a huge group of close friends or to hang out with a bunch of people all the time. I tend to not care about keeping in touch with people I no longer see because if they somehow faded out in that sense and I didn't feel the urge to want to see or talk to them, then it meant that they really were never that close to me. If I did try and keep in touch and still we somehow faded out of it, then it doesn't matter. I know I've made a true friend when I know that I can call them up some day or write to them and things seem like they use to be when we were closer. When it is so easy to talk with them or hang out again even after so much time has passed, like if you were never apart. It's those people that matter, not the ones that walked away and who you have no real desire to be involved with.
I've have come to realize I am a really exclusive person. I don't care enough to want to be close to people, nor do I want to be. It is in part because I do have trust issues, and I don't like letting people in about a lot of things, be it my personal problems or just who I am. Aside from family, there is really only one person who actually really knows me, and knows what has been going on in my life currently. Letting several people know intimate stuff about me makes me uncomfortable. I'm not an open book. I don't see the need for it, like so many other people. I allow people in as much as I want them to go, and that's where they will more than likely stay for good. A very select few make it in all the way. Call it my inner circle. At the risk of sounding conceited, everyone else just sort of floats around outside the bubble that is me. Then again, isn't that how things are for most people?
Some people just have more people inside their inner circles, a small group they can confide in, and who knows them well. They are the more extroverted personalities a lot of the time, the ones that crave social interactions a little more often, and who need a large variety of people they can interact with to remain feeling sane. That's just being human. We all need somebody. Some of us just need more. I only need one.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't say "******** you" to everyone else and only limit myself to that one, and therefore dig myself into that hole which could possibly eventually turn into despair (no drama intended). I'm not a complete introvert, because I still long for social interactions outside my inner circle every so often, but I am still highly introverted. I don't need a bunch of people to be okay. In fact, I prefer being alone or with that one single person rather than going out and spending time with a group that will likely not be there in the morning. I do enjoy the company of people from time to time, but it's always so indirect. They are only around for the moment, but after the moment is over, once again they will all fade out from the limelight. Which is why there is that one, the one that makes everything feel okay when everyone else has gone. We all need at least one, even if it's nice to have a few. So don't limit yourself to a single hand, but at the same time, don't fold your cards when somebody has faded out.
 Aeolith · Fri Mar 05, 2010 @ 11:24am · 0 Comments |
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